Tuesday, August 10, 2010

I eat hashtags like you for breakfast

My coffee must've spawned little caffeine-enhanced GRRRR BUBBLZ, because the Latina in me is out in full force *waves finger around with identical neck sway* But not in a shoulder-bump/weave pull/fight by pinch-- kind of way. More like"girl, you so crazy, so Imma borrow your linguistic skillz for a hot minute." You've seen it around. I'm sure you'll know what I'm talking about as soon as I say it. It needs no introduction. But I hope my phrase brings the world a little more joy.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee Fartypants sales decrease by one customer. Actually, maybe they increase by one customer. Maybe the tee is irrelevant to gas. Who knows.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee Candyland refrains from dropping anything in a toilet for another day. Okay, so maybe a day is pushing it. We'll say an hour or two.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee a fellow Tiny Dancer finds the confidence to love the muffin top spilling over the spandex biker shorts with matching sequined headband and basks in the irony of the song.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee the offspring calls her "bumpy crack" it's appropriate name.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee @NewMedicine write a(nother) song about me. Okay not really, but I can pretend when they say "you better pray she took her morning medication, or you might have to pick her up at the police station," it's about me.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee Taylor Lautner gets another ab. Not another ripple, but like a whole other ab.


#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee your taste in clothing dramatically improves. Like Jen. She's cute without the tee, even cuter with. Be like Jen. Be cute in a Joy tee.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee a head magically appears on Candyland's torso. Press "Buy Now" and I'll instantly be staring you in the credit card. Though I didn't say whose head...

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee BR80 gets more delicious. Okay, not really. Because he's already at the deliciousness limit for all human kind. And I'm totally talking about the most delicious organ on the man--his compassionate heart.

#everytimeyouorderjoy2theworldtee the a-hole dog next door shuts his yapper. Well, he does when I see I have an order in, and I yell out the back door for him to shut the.............nevermind.

#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee someone annoying on Young & the Restless gets offed.


#everytimeyouorderajoy2theworldtee one less kitten is put through something like this:
Okay so ordering a Joy 2 the World tee does some really awesome things and may be responsible for an increase in Fartypants traffic. Bonus. More importantly, buying a Joy tee (with a portion of each one sold going directly to Joy 2 the World) actually gives others joy. Be the change, and look cute doing it. See the "Buy Now" button to the right? Yeah.....
*end of web-o-mmercial*

Team Joy BR80 Candyland. Out.<--I'm so confused:/

11 comments:

~Nicole Ducleroir~ said...

Too fun! I had a blast reading these. And the pic of Jen is sweet (how could it not be??) Thanks for the morning laughs, now I'm off to check out the tee :D

Have a fab day!

Jen said...

This was so super awesome!!! I can't believe I'm famous!!! Thanks Candyland for giving me my few minutes of fame! I'm feeling fabulous, even more fabulous when I can put my favorite candyland tee back on tonight!!

Happy Tuesday!

Matthew Rush said...

Beth, even when I have no idea what you're talking about, which never happens, you still make me laugh till I snort coke into my coffee ... wait a minute, what are you saying here Tim?

I'll be buying a shirt, taking a fat guy in a little shirt photo, and posting it on my blog as soon as I get my welfare check.

Robin_Lucas said...

Candy, you are so funny. Usually when the Latina in me shows up, its more like a "I'm gonna cut you (yes, from Miami), mega attitude, I hate stupid people".
But I'm feeling you ;)

Guess I've gotta get a shirt now.

Kelly Breakey said...

Got our t'shirts in yesterday and love, love, love them. You go girl.

BTW don't forget the long nails and the hair swing..."Wha..."

Lenny said...

hi miss candace! that was so funny. i like the picture of miss jen in her t shirt. shes neat for sure. youre a pretty good sales lady for those shirts. i hope lots of people get one.
...hugs from lenny

Linda G. said...

LOL! You are too funny! And Jen looks adorable in the shirt.

Also, if you wanna see an even more mortified cat, check my blog today. Hint: it involves bunny ears. (Yes. I come from a cruel family.)

aspiring_x said...

LOL. Awesome.

Talli Roland said...

Love this! And what a cute pic of Jen!

Kelly Dexter said...

That poor kitty! It must be saved from such degradation.

Vicki Rocho said...

Wow if BUYING a Joy shirt does all that, just think what WEARING it will do! Can't wait to test out its magical powers...

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