HOLY-Too many cooks in my kitchen-COW

As a writer, I'm a member of several sites that offer feedback from other members to help improve the overall quality of my writing, be it feedback, constructive criticism, comments, praise, death rays, etc. With all this chatter, I have one big problem. TOO MUCH FEEDBACK!

I've posted something to the tune of this before but man, have I got too many voices rattling around in my head now. They don't all contradict, but there are a few that do which reminds me that everyone has their own opinion. That's why all writers and books aren't created equal. Some love Stephenie Meyer so much they'd have her face tattooed while others believe she's a freak of nature who otherwise shouldn't have been able to make it in the biz. I won't say which side I'm on because it's beside the point.

*cough*teamjacob*cough*Lillianacould'vewrittenthatbook*cough.

Okay, so it's not so black and white. Anyway my point is, sometimes, regardless of what you're hearing, you also have to write what's true to you, your character, and your style. I've accepted that I do tend to over-describe the simple, making some paragraphs a little long-winded. I've always chalked it up to doing my best to create the most vivid scene, but never realized it could only be a hindrance on my writing capabilities. It's something I will work on. If only a publishing house editor could help me out with that...hmm.

I also believe that being overly descriptive isn't always a bad thing. But then again, wine isn't a bad thing until I'm drinking from the bottle at our Christmas dinner while having a cracker-eating competition...ok. Now I see your point. Moderation fits all.

Having my ms in the hands of two trusted betas, I wonder now how much their opinions will vary and which side I'll sit on. I know my voice. I know my character. Now if I can just get the logistics worked out.

Thank you to all who have read my excerpt over at TeenFire's Writing Forum. If you haven't, check out the link below and leave a comment for me. You can reiterate the fact that I over describe. You can tell me I write worse then Stephenie Meyer (whoops). You can say anything you want. But in the end, I'll take a step back, look at what I've done, take all feedback into consideration and decide what suits me. After all, it's a world where my thoughts flourish and I'm just giving you a window.

Seriously, thank you for all the comments on every site I'm on. All joking aside, they are helping me tirelessly perfect my craft behind the curtains. One day before you know it-POOF! The Wizard will appear, even better than before.

Thank you Facebook, Myspace, Yahoo, my blogspot, TeenFire, YALitChat, Inkpop, Writer's Digest, and betas Whitney and Cara. Without you my work will always be another slush pile groupie.

Check me out. Comment. Love it or hate it. Give it to me straight.
http://teenfire.ning.com/group/writersforum/forum/topics/959-rewind

Back off MAN

The last couple of days I've found myself in a rather precarious emotional state in regards to writing. Yes, writing is my lover and we fight and make up quite often. But I wonder if all the back and forth is good for the kids (readers). I mean, blog one day, zip for two, ms revision for three weeks followed by a multiple month separation. It's difficult to follow your heart (pen/keyboard/crayon/lipstick) when your lover is such a moody bitch. *Apologies for the language...if you read this, Mom.

So, I've decided to write a letter to clear this up once and for all.

Dear writing,

I'm sorry I smacked the computer screen yesterday when the words I typed looked like a hot mess. You don't deserve that. It's just that I haven't gotten much sleep from Mamie, (cat who thinks she's entitled), pawing at the bedroom door and Lilliana partying in her room after dark, (and tearing her curtains down).

You haven't been yourself lately, either. You started off with a finished ms over a year ago that you shredded and started anew then chopped (diced and every other culinary term) that piece up and re-wrote it again. Now you're closer to solid ground and yet you're playing hard to get. You know I hate that. Won't you let me in? I can't sit here day after day waiting on you to decide to get in the game. There's plenty of other hobbies that would looooove to have a piece of me.

STOP TAKING ME FOR GRANTED.

You know even when my carpal tunnel acts up I still write. Because I love you. Are you willing to try and make this work or what? I have an ms that desperately needs you and honestly...(dramatic moment)...I need you.

Please come back to me, writing. For good.


If you decide to leave me for another, then I shall sick Lilliana on you where she will inevitably place herself between us and tell you to back off. Don't let it come to that. She's tougher than she looks and her ninja flips are crazy fast. You won't see her coming. Don't say I didn't warn you.


Love, xoxo, hugs & kisses, etc.
Your number one fan with the jacked up claw hand from tirelessly devoting myself to you day in and day out with no thing to show for it but, well, a claw hand

It's the Climb (yeah I just went there)

Ever feel like you just keep your engine running, stalling, pushing towards something and when you get there, you realize you missed all the moments in between? Three words popped into my brain when I was in a revision tizzy the other day.

Respect. The. Process.

I think with all the hoping, wishing, praying, etc, I've lost something in between. Writing is a great release for me. It brings me joy and lets me bleed the pain into something visual. There's been a lot of times lately I've been chugging along querying, revising, starting new. I've only just had the revelation that what matters isn't the end result, (well, let's not lie. It's a BIG part of it). It's the learning and growing and appreciation of each rejection and critique that's made me a stronger, better writer.

If you find yourself in the same thought process, writers, mothers and others, maybe you should take a step back and appreciate what you're trying to accomplish. It's easy to get so far deep in the zone that you kind of lose all feeling for what you're fighting so hard for. And then when you get there/win/achieve the dream is it everything you expected or have you set yourself up for disappointment?

As Lilliana sings "there's always gonna be another mountain; I'm always gonna wanna make it move. It's always gonna be an uphill battle; sometimes I'm gonna have to lose..." I urge you to reflect. It does NOT matter if your dream has nothing to do with writing. Enjoy every morsel. Savor every moment, (as Bert would say).

Mothers, if you find yourself with a little person who you once used to cradle and you find yourself asking "where did the time go?" (and we all have), STOP and enjoy the little moments more often before that child grows up and you have nothing but lost time on your hands.

Writers, if you find yourself with an ms you're infatuated with but keep getting feedback on things to fix, or you keep getting passes, STOP and be appreciative for the chance to learn; to make your work better.

For everyone else with a dream, just remember, it's not about how fast you get there..."it ain't about what's waiting on the other side. It's the climb.

*Apologies for sinking to the level of quoting Hannah/Miley/Montana/Cyrus, but that's the life of a writing mother; or a mothering writer.

The Itsy Bitsy Spider, "Up A Climb A Wall"

Lilliana does things her way. She's even changed the lyrics to some pretty standard nursery rhymes. Some would say "how cute for a three-year old." I say she's ahead of her time, (and what mother wouldn't). She sings loud and proud, self-assured that those ARE, in fact, the right words. And you know what? Now I'm singing her version.

Mind trick? I think not. She's carefully crafted a confident attitude mixed with not so random words to see if I, too, will buy into it. And I have. So the question is, can you persuade someone into believing in what you're selling based on the way you sell it?

If I wrote about a bird that stole nests in order to pay for his little one's birdie college, would you read it? Now, what if I exclaimed how wonderful the story is just by my level of enthusiasm. Okay, maybe it doesn't work when you're twenty-*cough*five?! Maybe a tad older, but still. I think that having the right attitude and belief in one's self is THE most important selling tool to utilize. Aside from a killer bird-who-steals-nests story.

So forget the rejections and focus on the way you take the rejection. Hold you head high, keep your chin up and all those other wonderfully typical sayings. Use the no to make what you have better. On the paper and in the soul.

I'm sorry, I can't help you right now

The other night, my husband and I had friends over for dinner and to Lilliana's delight, they brought their daughter to come play with her. During a somewhat dramatic attempt to escape the guestchild, Lilliana wandered over to an empty kitchen cabinet and climbed inside. When the guestchild stuck her head in to see what Lilliana's deal was, my daughter's reply was a cabinet door shut in the guestchild's face with "I'm sorry, I can't help you right now."

Fast forward twenty-four + hours. I got the obligatory "letter addressed to myself" in the mail. You writers know what I'm talking about. The one you self-address so the literary agent can quickly seal your rejection and send it back to you. I've never gotten one back with good news in it, aside from Ms. Jodie Rhodes who hand wrote the nicest, most inspirational rejection to date. It's still hanging up.

Anyway, so the letter was my query and written in the top right hand corner was a cluster of letters, that, I'm sure looked like writing to the agent at the time. My husband and I passed it back and forth for a good ten minutes making guesses as to what it said, but it was only after I gave up and threw its crumpled, wadded up mystery onto the bed that it came to me.

"apologiesnotforme"

I'd like to believe I'm handling the rejection thing pretty well but this had me a little worked up. Not only did I waste time away from my novel's revision trying to decipher the hidden code but it was a pass. If you want to reject my work because it's not for you, not a good fit for your list, etc. that's okay. But could you please make the rejection clear enough I can read it so I can move on painlessly? I spend time and care putting together my submission packages so I only hope for the same in my response back. Doesn't matter if it's a mass auto-reject either. At least I can read it, delete it and move on.

I've also seen a couple of blog posts recently about how an agent rejects, and why the writer shouldn't follow-up with additional questions about said manuscript. It also has me a bit worked up, but for different reasons. I have yet to receive a pass on my work with any kind of useful feedback on it, and that includes a couple fulls that went out about a year back. It's really hard to write and study your craft, and think you're improving and then continue to get rejected and have no idea why. My beef isn't with the fact that agents are too busy. My issue is this:

I'm a member of two YA writer sites where I get continual feedback on my work, (one has actual teens), and aside from a few minor grammar/punctuation issues, my story and the essence of my writing (voice) has been very well received on both sites. So I wonder, if the people seem to kind of like what I'm doing, then why am I having such a hard time attracting an agent? This is a valid concern.

I still have one full and one partial out currently, but when my options run out, then what? With positive feedback from critique groups, I'm left to figure out how to achieve my goals on my own. It's become my highest mountain yet and figuring out how to climb it hasn't yet struck me. Will the answer always be "I'm sorry, I can't help you right now?"

Only time will tell.

Change YOUR Attitude, Mommy

The last few days have been spent using the computer screen's sexy glare to burn holes through my retinas but I'm not complaining. Jealous? Yeah didn't think so. My time's been occupied by the writing. Revising the old, starting a new, typing until my carpal tunnel locks my hand into involuntary submission. With all this writing and nothing to show for it, my attitude's gone from "I know I can do it," to "I'll never make it."

How do you shake the voice in your head telling you you're not good enough when your heart tells you to never give up? And how do I tell my daughter to always believe in her dreams if I, myself, can't achieve any of them?

So many questions, so little time. I know I've got a problem when Lilliana tells me to change my attitude, which she did earlier today. But she also said she was afraid of the trashcan so I'm not sure if she's truly the best measure for the way things are perceived. Writing is supposed to bring me joy. If there's no joy, I should stop doing it, right? Wrong. I have a goal, and I have to meet that goal. Agent, publisher, book on shelf, book in hands. Actually maybe it should go something like this: Attitude adjustment, more revision, better query, synopsis tune-up, a little confidence. Then maybe the rest will fall into place.
(She keep chanting)

Confusing Literary Agent Say What?

Ok, so gluttony must be my sin of choice. I'm not referring to food but instead the proverbial bad-to-the-bone query that makes my taste buds dance and my saliva sing like a choir. The rush I get with every touch of the "send" button" sends shivers down my spine while at the same time, makes me feel oh so guilty for having done it. Should I have sent that? Or should I have waited until he/she made the first move? Eh, just go with it.


My determination isn't marked by how far I'll eventually get. It's marked by every person who passes on my work. "It's okay, little fella," Lilliana says, often. And it is.  An honest tale that involves some sensitive issues, (i.e. cutting, depression, murder), may not be to everyone's liking, and I'm okay with that. But my story isn't FOR everyone. It's for those young adults who are going through the same sensitive issues I write about and a lot of people won't talk about. You want to know what teens these days are dealing with, mosey on over to my favorite advocates To Write Love On Her Arms and you'll see what needs to be written about and who my intended audience is.

I bring this up because about a year back, I sent a query to an agent who I thought suited my edgy fiction to a T. Let me preface this by saying this was the first (and worst) query I've ever written, there were grammatical errors, it was info dumpy, and didn't represent me or the story I wanted to tell in the most flattering light. I was brand new and didn't yet know the best way to go about the whole submission thing, but I pressed "send," anyway. To my delight, it wasn't but a few hours later I got a request for a full.

Fast forward to yesterday. Because my story has been completely re-written, (with the name changed and everything), I decided to query this agent again, purely out of curiosity, because she is still looking for "writer's who aren't afraid to take a risk." I'm sorry, but that sounds a lot like me, (I think). It was a polished, poised query that best represents me and the book I'm trying so hard to put into those YA readers' hands. She passed immediately.

Confusing literary agent say what? I understand tastes change but, how could one version of my story which was located in Suckville get more attention than something a little farther North in Getting Closerville? This business has my head spinning, though I'm oddly addicted to the challenge. Sure, I cry more than I ever have these days, but waking up every day, wondering if it's the day I get a "yes" is kind of a thrill. Who will it be to discover me? Anyone? Any takers? Seriously.


I wish I had more advice for all you writers, but today I just don't. I'm confused and feeling a little defeated by the irony of someone accepting "mediocracy" over "new and improved." I 'spose I'll just label this as another thing I can't control and another thing that makes me want it that much more. Or better yet I'll  file it under "I will never know what each agent wants at any given time, therefore just keep your chin up and keep trying, little fella."

"I want Cereal. No, I want oatmeal. No, I want doughnuts-the white ones. No..."

Decisions, decisions. We make them every day. So why is it that when it comes to sinking our teeth into whichever path we choose, we backtrack, over-think, and hair-pull? My daughter's biggest obstacle's every day are:
-Choosing what to eat for breakfast (because she has THE SAME thing EVERY DAY for lunch, so that's easy)
-Figuring out how to button the pants she put on herself (backwards)
-Wondering how many Barbie's she can push in her toy cart without toppling it over, though it usually does
-Finding a spot to corner one of our cat's and trap him there until he decideds to befriend her
-Discovering new places to hide the play dough she played with...LAST WEEK
-Pulling out all her random change to buy that new BMW she's been lusting for (she hides her money everywhere and would be just fine if my husband and I were homeless)
-Choosing which of her Hannah Montana lip glosses will look better on the carpet (whoops, forgot MiMi bought her pink Barbie lipstick for Christmas too)
-Deciding just how much of Mommy's Young and the Restless time she wants to waste fighting me instead of napping
-Oh and the big one, to poop or not to poop in the potty (but the pull-up is so enticing)

As adults, our decisions go a bit beyond the scope of Lilliana's, (though hers aren't any less important to her). How to pay the rent, where to live when the lease is up, how to keep the heat on, how to get groceries OR gas because it's rarely both. Sure we take a pay cut with me staying home, but that's another subject altogether. Anyway, my point is, (do I have one?), does every decision have to be that nagging life or death kind of feeling?

Take querying, for example. I've been guilty of shipping the child off for the day so I could sit in peace and get one query to, (what I think), is perfection. I read it, re-read it, delete it, re-write it, take a pill, re-read it again, laugh from hysteria, and delete it only to have nothing at the end of the day. Sure I should only send out my best, but is it worth losing a few brain cells when the agent will inevitably pass anyway? I'm still trying to figure that one out.

Out of the queries I've sent, One full and one partial are out of my grasp, lying helplessly between a hundred others, waiting for the ultimate "yes," or "are you kidding me with this?" And I sit here, typing this, wondering if I sent my best work, or if I will ever get that metaphoric "yes." The decision to even keep trying to live my dream eats at me every second of everyday. The what-if's alone give me heartburn.

Nay to those who wake up without a twinge of doubt in whatever they do, glowing with confidence and brimming with excitement for what the day might bring. Lilliana, I'm talking to you, my sweet girl. Your absolute surety in accomplishing the mediocre makes me feel like maybe the query isn't my issue. It's my non-ability to think I can do the un-thinkable, if that makes sense. The voice in my head wants perfection, while the child I'm raising is well-suited doing it her way, whether it's perfect or not. Maybe I should take notes from my three-year old and then an agent will scoop me up and these rants...will. be. no. more.

Notes to you writers:
*Dream BIG. Though it hasn't happened to me yet, it could and that's a possibility I like
*Write what you know.
*Write often.
*Know your audience
*Submit to agents who are taking your genre. Doing the opposite is a waste of your time and energy.
*Keep at it despite the rejections. Not everyone likes everything. There has to be someone who likes what you have, ( I hope...)
*Do the 12 steps to come to terms with this thing we call "writing"
*Believe in yourself. I'm still practicing this one.

"Can't you just leave Barbie's hair alone?"

If you've ever had the distinct privilege, (hindrance), of sitting down with a child to play with a Barbie doll, then you might feel my pain here. Let me explain. Barbie, and all of her Barbie companions with their teeny-tiny Barbie accessories, are nothing but a gang full of big, fat, plastic insecurity highlighters. You've seen them, their hair in perfect, polished ponytails until your three-year old has her way with them. After she's done with them they look as though they've been swimming in the garbage disposal along with last night's meatloaf. I don't know how she does it, my daughter. But she's clever. She knows Mommy will sit and meticulously comb every polyester string dangling from each Barbie's head in frustration, because no matter how hard I try, the hair will never look the same again.

I tried to salvage the brunette with a barrette but within microseconds it was ripped from my grasp to start again. My dedication to making the wrongs right with those plastic heads flickered the old light bulb floating high above my noggin, as it sometimes does:

Will I ever be satisfied with my novel, even after it's perfectly polished (like those ponytails) or will I always be dissatisfied with my level of artistic talent (or hairdressing skills)?


I'm sure every creative person has doubts. It's partly what makes us stronger and helps us grow and bloom into the flowers we're meant to become. But if it's a constant struggle to find a zen-like space with what I've created, how do I know when it's, as they say, "ready for submission?" It sounds like an easy enough question but I dare you to write a page-turner that you're one hundred percent satisfied with before you find that dream agent. Go on. Try it.

I've been guilty of prematurely submitting my query to agents, only to go back and re-read it thinking My God this is crap! And then there, again, I wasted what little chance I might have had with that agency. But even now, like trying to get Barbie's hair back to it's original form, just when I think I've done it and start patting myself on the back, I get an auto reject nearly the exact same time I've sent the query (how do they do that?). Or in Lilliana's case, she rips the hair masterpiece apart. After all the work, and after all the blood, sweat and tears (mainly my tears).

I'd like to believe, in a land far far away, there's a place we can all go where Barbie's hair stays put despite greedy little fingers pulling at them and agents say 'yes' despite the obvious work that might be needed because there's a glimmer of a spark staring at them. A chance is all one needs to shine and in my world, I could shine a lot brighter if just one person would believe in me (and maybe I could get Barbie's hair back to the way it was).

Here's to wishful thinking and perfectly polished ponytails, everyday.

For all you YA or MG aspiring novelists...

Agent Mary Kole of the Andrea Brown Literary Agency is having another contest so grab your best game face and enter the first 500 words of your YA or MG novel.

The details from her site, kidlit.com, are listed below:

It’s too messy to have people post their entries in comments, so please don’t leave an entry there. Only use the comments to ask questions. This time, I’m going to let you enter by e-mail only, to mary at kidlit dot com, with the subject line “Kidlit Contest.” Copy and paste your novel text… do not send attachments. Your entry has to be for a children’s novel (YA or MG, sorry, no picture books this time around), it has to be for a manuscript that is FINISHED and could be sent out to an agent, and it must be under 500 words.

To be clear, you have to email your entry to me with the subject line “Kidlit Contest” by January 31st, 2010 in order to qualify.

Once I have all entries, I will deliberate for about a week, pick the most compelling openings, dissect what makes them so awesome on the site AND award you fabulous prizes:

Grand Prize Winner: A 15 page critique
First Place: A 10 page critique
Second Place: A 5 page critique
Third Place: A 2 page critique
Honorable Mention(s): A critique of the first page of your novel

Again, deadline for entries: Sunday, January 31st at 11:59 p.m., Pacific Time.

Not only do you have to email me your entry, you’ve got to do the following things to qualify. Send me links so that I can double-check your eligibility, per the rules, anywhere in your entry email.

Contest Rules:

1. Put a link to this contest page in TWO other places. Click here for an easy code you can copy and paste! (PLEASE AVOID THE VERLA KAY AND ABSOLUTE WRITE FORUMS… THERE ARE MULTIPLE POSTS HERE ABOUT THIS ALREADY!)
2. Link to Kidlit.com in your blog sidebar (or add my syndication feed to your Livejournal, if you have no sidebar)
3. Read and comment on at least one other Kidlit post.

Good luck!

FAQ About the Contest (easier than addressing things in comments, where they’ll get lost!)

1. If you have queried me and haven’t heard back yet, wait until you do to enter, since your query (if you followed the guidelines) will include a writing sample.
2. If you don’t have a blog, you can post links on writing forums, in a comment on another blog, on Twitter, on Facebook, etc. Email me the links to where you posted or say you posted on Facebook when you send your entry.
3. “Link to this contest page in TWO other places” means putting links in a writing forum, Twitter, another blog’s comments, etc., not all on your own blog.
4. Please do include some basic info about the manuscript with your entry — audience, genre, word count.
5. Yes, you can enter more than once… be sure to send one email per entry, though, so I can keep them organized on my end.
6. If you are using a prologue, send the beginning of that.
7. Sorry, this is for MG and YA only, not early readers and chapter books.

To enter, go to:
http://kidlit.com/kidlit-contest/ and mention you saw the info here at The Misadventures in Candyland in your email to Ms. Kole, please =)

I entered my prologue, so you'd better do the same if you ever want to get that book published. Good luck to all!

"Okay, NOW it's personal!"

For a three-year old, my daughter packs as much punch as a rebellious, angst-ridden teen, trying to find her way in this cruel, unforgiving world. The tantrums over "going potty" are nothing for the tenacious go-getter compared to the phrases spewed like venom that she occasionally surprises us with, seemingly when either no one is around to bear witness or worse-everyone is.

Having sat with my eyes glues to this computer screen, obsessed with every mark I've made in 365+ days, I started wondering if I'm the cause of her so-called revenge on the world. I mean, the querying process alone is like a scene from Pulp Fiction as I put my heart and soul into every thought out word and every quirky sentence, so that I may stand out to someone only to have an instant rejection fly back into my inbox on what could otherwise be a wonderful day. I'm sure I'm guilty of letting the explicatives fly at one time or another, particularly the ones where I've spent many hours researching the agent's likes, dislikes, favorite foods and childhood heroes, and all I get back is a form letter or worse, "Your novel sounds interesting but my client list if full at the moment." It's hard not to pump my fist into the big, open air and yell a big, fat $#@*!

*Warning, rant may not be suitable for everyone*

I realize I'm this child's role model and should model the correct behavior in situations such as these but, (and forgive me), there are far too many agents that have crossed my path who, I feel, are quite fond of playing God with people's dreams and have an easy time saying "no," or "passing" when they really may not have even taken a proper look at the material. I may get blasted for this, but I've found only a few really genuine agents who have the qualities of someone I'd want working for me after I've read their reply to my query. It doesn't require a personal note because I know how busy these people are, but where's the grace in finding that diamond in the rough and the excitement over reading each request that comes their way? Is it just me or have some of them become jaded?

I have to say, though I understand, to be the person who finds a raw talent, (I'm not saying it's me), sounds like such a rewarding career to have. To make someone, instead of break them. To guide them instead of abandon them. To encourage them instead of letting them give up. Just like a mother would do with her child.

There are some YA books on the shelves today who have somehow made it past the quicksand where the rest of us keep sinking. My question is, how did they do it?  Luck? Timing? Who you know? Bribery? A few are exceptional writing, others are okay, at best, some are amusing story lines and relatable characters, but there are also the books that I wonder "how the hell did this ever get published?"

Someone please tell me how they made it happen. Really, I'd love to know. (that actually wasn't sarcasm)

So as the days pass and I keep grinding away at making my dreams a reality and Lilliana pushes her toy cart around the living room with plastic food spilling from the sides, topling the cart over and she yells "Okay, now it's personal," I feel her pain. If only life were only as frustrating as losing the plastic food from our tiny toy carts then maybe-just maybe-I'd already be the diamond in the rough some agent "discovered" while furiously digging through the mountainous slush pile that's infected their desks and computers.

Oh, to be a three-year old...

Potty Training & Novel Writing: More the Same than Not?

If you're a writer, chances are you've spent countless hours picking apart every minute detail that may or may not even be relevant to your readers. I've recently found it to be the same case in (attempting to) potty training my three-year old daughter, Lilliana. I sit up night after countless night wondering why she refuses to go number 2 in the potty, or how she could have handed me 3 wet pairs of underwear within an hour (yes, it's very possible). The word "motherhood" comes simply (or not so simply) from living as a mother. It's crazy that one tiny person can rule my world, and has since she squeezed her way out of me on the blustery October day in 2006. It got me thinking, as most things often do.

Do the same rules apply in novel writing as they do in potty training?

I'd like to think so. Here are my top five strategies for getting your little one to go while getting your novel to shine. Or getting it done at all, really.

1) Don't hold it in too long. If you have something that needs to be said, write it. You'll feel better getting it out of your system. If you really need to empty your bladder, go to the toilet. You'll still feel better.

2) Aim big. Don't set the bar too low for yourself. And in terms of potty training, just aim straight.

3) Be persistent. Write everyday. No matter what. Even when you feel like you have nothing to say, write about that. And even when your toddler says they don't need to pee, sit them on the toilet and have them try. Or write about that.

4) Flush the negativity goodbye. No more "I can'ts." Oh, and flush the toilet.

5) Ask for help. When you feel overwhelmed, like I often do, get someone else's point of view on what you've written. Often times, you'll at least get to step outside of the characters and story lines long enough to gain a bit of perspective. And if you're frustrated with your toddler's lack of toiletage, ask your spouse, partner, or whoever to give it a try. Or take a mild sedative and try again later.

Success is highly dependent on your level of commitment in anything. So stay committed my dear aspiring novelists, and keep the sanity my frazzled, strung out mothers. It will all come together in due time...