Contest Extended for the patriotic, psychotic & idiotic: Happy Memorial Day

First, a great big Happy M-Day to all those who've served our country, including my little Marine bro, Jake, (who incidentally married an Aussie and now lives in Australia. Go figure). Hats off to ya. I'm going to make this boxers brief because it's a family kind of day.

The Imma do Candyland better than Candyland CONTEST has been extended another week. I didn't realize how busy I was going to be, so I wanted to give you more time to enter.

ALSO, for those of you who Tweet, Face, Blog, Space, USPS, etc, and post the link in the comments, you will be entered to win $10 Amazon gift card just for spreading the good word.

Muchos love to all. Have a safe holiday. See you on zee flip side (tomorrow, unless I'm incapacitated by the bounds of party-induced alcohol or less exciting...my 3yo).

Candyland. OUT.
xoxo

Feel me up Friday Awards: Toilet glasses are SO *me*

Yesterday, I took the offspring to what's known collectively as "the outside mall." It boasts a super sweet underground sprinkler system in the center, so we got her all suited up and sent her into the water while I sat uncomfortable and sweaty along the sidelines. I hate to sweat. It makes me angry. But I think I browned a little, so...bonus.


I hope while I was telling this incredibly LAME story, you were busy ignoring me, typing up your bestest Imma do Candyland better than Candyland contest entry. Times a wastin', and you DON'T want to miss the chance to win one of THREE query critiques from the lovely Miss Elana Johnson. When you're done with (what's soon to be known as) super-amazing-blog post entry, take a mosey over to Matthew's blog where Elana's query is up for public consumption. You'll then see why I *heart* her brilliance so much.


Side note: Check out this crazy/hysterical site, Shit my kids ruined. It had me laughing forfreakingever.


Random Fact: I once dropped my glasses in the toilet at a strip club. There's so many things wrong with that sentence, I know...


Random Fact: When I was 12, I weighed close to 200lbs. YIKES! This is very true. I have an "I love Steven Tyler" shirt that I got at that weight, and over the years as I shrank, I cut the shirt down to size and used safety pins to hold it together. Ahh the wonder years.


Whoa! A little rough today, aren't you? Take it easy. I know you're excited about winning a critique, but really. I like to take things slow. Eh, who am I kidding. That was FANTASTIC (except for the embarrassing facts)! Feel me up again next Friday. Until then, some awards! And I want to apologize in advance because I have no clue where these came from since I've been holding them for so long. So if you gave it to me, comment and I'll link you:)

Dianne Salerni
T.H. Mafi
Shannon O'Donnell
The Alliterative Allomorph
Ashley Atkins
Anne
Jen (Unedited)

Talli Roland

Shannon McMahon

Matthew Rush
Sheri Larsen
B. Miller Fiction
Dawn
Lenny

Zoe Courtman

Justine Dell

Kierah Jane Reilly
Lola Sharp
Lydia Kang
The Urban Cowboy
Jo Schaffer

Thanks to each and every one of you who's given me an award. I *heart* you all more than you know. This week's Unedited "something vs. something": tube socks vs. ankle socks. I was half asleep creating this one, sooooo it's not my best work, and as always, Gram could not be more indifferent (mainly because she can't hear)...

Now, go check out these other talented ladies and see who wins their arguments.
The Alliterative Allomorph 
T.J. Carson's Writing Endeavors 
Creepy Query Girl 
Shannon McMahon 
Open Window 
Susan Field 
Pinches of Madness 
Unedited (Jen)

Slushpile Slut


Candyland. OUT.

P.S. Enter the "Imma Do Candyland better than Candyland contest" HERE! 

Imma do Candyland better than Candyland Contest: Win a query critique!

Soooooo, I went to the mothership yesterday. You know. The place we all belong, the bookstore. Every journey over, I scan the new releases, thumb my way through the "G's" and imagine my baby glistening alongside the others who found their way home. This visit had special meaning, though.

As you all may know, my fabulous bud, Dianne, gets to visit her baby at the bookstore as often as she wants now and I couldn't be more proud. Soooooo I had to get a picture with it. Isn't it cute? Only 3 weeks old and feisty as hell. To meet this amazing woman at a signing, check out her page for dates.

Though, I'd really rather see this:

A girl can dream. Soooo, how's the weather? And your mother? She's good? Oh, not so much? Sorry to hear. Are you waiting for the new contest announcement? OOOHHH. My bad.
Here's the deets, peeps:

After the first contest, you asked for more Elana query critiques, so I bribed asked her, and she's obliged. However, due to some disconcerting chatter about the difficulty of the contest, I've gone and changed some things so all can enter, whether you rock at Candyland impersonations or not.

(The new) 

"Imma do Candyland better then Candyland Contest"

So what do you have to do?

-Tell me your favorite Candyland blog post and why to

candaceganger [at] yahoo [dot] com 

That's it. Make me laugh, make me cry, whatev. 

Rules:

-If you've already sent me a blog post, DON'T re-enter! Your entry totally counts.

-If you still want to type a pitch, paragraph or pretend Candyland blog post to enter, you score extra points!

-Contest starts NOW and runs through Thursday, June 17th at midnight.

-Winners will be announced Friday, June 18th

-You MUST be a follower to enter

-Physical prizes open to U.S. peeps only, but query critique open to all!!!

-Spread the word and get virtual hugs. Blog, Tweet, Space, Face, USPS, etc and get more virtual hugs + eternal bffness love + my undying gratitude forever and ever.

-Questions? Email or leave a comment. Just be sure to include your email. And as always, eat your vegetables.

~June 1st Winning Prize~

Query critique by Elana Johnson

Life As We Knew It (paperback) by Susan Beth Pfeffer (donated by Elana!)

Matching bookmark (donated by Elana!)

~June 2nd Winning Prize~

Query critique by Elana Johnson

Before I Fall (hardback) by Lauren Oliver

~June 3rd Winning Prize~

Query critique by Elana Johnson

If you want the chance to get a top-of-the-line query critique, don't miss your chance to enter. Elana rocks and after she's done with you, your query will too.

So go. Enter. Do your thang. But first, my last Candyland picture series adventure (holy long sentence!), with Sarah Ahiers holding me hostage during a paint ball war.

 I told her I had a gun phobia, but she was all "just do it and quit your whining!" So, I sucked it up.

 Then she shielded herself with my body, so I'd get hit, but she wouldn't. Take a paint ball for you friends? Anytime.

 And in the blaze of glory, I tried to protect her, but failed. Sorry, Sarah. Maybe next time.

And then the funniest thing happened...A tiny astronaut floated down from the sky and demanded an end to all paint ball wars. Peace ensued, and we all hugged. Until it got weird.

So, friends. This concludes the Candyland adventures (for now). Take a minute. Regroup.
Enter the contest. And tell me, who would rescue you in a paint ball war?
I'm pretty sure my pool boy would be first in line to take the bullet.


Candyland. OUT.

All of this and I'm still thinking of my pool boy

Being a parent is a lot like a sitcom. But without the studio audience, and pay. And cast. And Crew. Okay, they're nothing alike. I've mentioned Lilliana's pukefest, shown video of her butt search and bragged about her querying skillllzzz.

But lately, things have gotten down right Comedy Central (minus the language...well sometimes). During our nightly routine, Lilliana and I fumbled through her favorite (my most hated) book, the children's version of an encyclopedia. It's big, it takes foreffingever, and she only picks it because of those two reasons.

"What's that?" she said, pointing towards the glossed page.

"A thermometer."

She tilted her head and studied the rusted bulb. "Like the one that goes in my butt?"

Moments later, she pointed to a ballerina. "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I asked.

Her eyes inflated into full moons. "When I grow bigger, I want to be like daddy so I can reach stuff."

The night before, she'd told me she wanted to "be a bathtub" so she could "pee and poop in the water." My (totally realistic) dreams of having Taylor Lautner as my pool boy give this frazzled mommy a "pee and poop-free" distraction.

Kind of like the much needed adventure Anne took me on. First we went for a lovely walk in the park to "catch up." When I say "catch up" I mean "meet for the first time and surprisingly, she was okay with the fact I had no head. Until my invisible barrier got caught in a blasted rabbit hole.

 After I wiggled my way out (I had to set down my guitar...), Anne was hungry so I pulled out my kucky marshmallow from my back pocket. I told her it had lint caked on, and I'd dropped it into a mud puddle once, but she didn't care. "Roast it up, baby!" She squealed.

 Because of my size, and the fact that sugar makes Anne kind of, uh, loopy, she thought it'd be funny to hide me in her plants. I wasn't laughing.

 Once the sugar wore off (I think), Anne said "wanna play with my pet dragon?" I giggled, thinking she was joking. And then, this happened...

 "Whoa, boy!" I yelled as he snarled and spewed waves of fire across the tepid sky. He didn't like it when I back talked, though...

 After the dragon grew bored of me (as most men often do), he threw me to the ground, when Anne scooped me up and carried me inside. I tried to rest, but she had already promised me in a fight to the death with another of her monsters.

 I won (obvs), and because Anne was wiped out from all the freakin' lint marshmallow juice, I read her a story until she drifted off to sleep (where she may or may not have dreamed of stealing my pool boy).

Annnnddd one more distraction. I realize I just had a contest. It was epic, and I thank you all for entering with both the picture and entry form. But, I want to give you more.  Because I *heart* you that much. Details to follow...tomorrow (I know that's not very nice is it?!)

Friends, I loved all of your pool boy fantasy men. It made me all warm inside. Let's flip it. If Taylor's cleaning your pool (or insert your own fantasy dude), who's the famous bffness lying next to you in the sun, ogling right along with you?
Candyland. Out.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy...

What's that you say? I can't hear you over the muscles.

Um, you're welcome.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd weigh a hell of a lot less. No snacking. No ice cream. No food that tastes yummy because it wouldn't be worth it. No salt (I can't retain water in the bikini I'd squeeze my lard ass into). No embarrassing food stuck in my teeth which means no constant mirror checks after meals, which means more time to ogle (my clean pool).

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd write more. Well, I'd actually write less. It's kind of the same. Unless I wrote about taking a dip into his ripples when the summer heat beat down on upon us, skin glistening, hearts afire. Maybe I should turn the AC on and grab a notebook.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd have more money. No pointless grocery store trips for things like pull-ups and Oreos. No McDs. No...wait. It sounds like all I do is eat.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd invest in a treadmill. I'd...I'd...Ehh. Scratch that.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy...I guess...I'd have to get a pool :/

It's possible I've fried my brain. I'm still *twinkling* over Elana's news, recovering from the contestes (hehe), and dealing with a headache from my (worsening) asthma. Soooooo, hopefully tomorrow I'll be "right" again. If I was even close before.

Until then...

Who'd you want cleaning your pool? (things that sound dirty but aren't)

Candyland. OUT.

With a hangover, I'm a love professor

It's over.

The hubs is officially a year older (yikes). The fa-juh has officially come and gone (good times). And Lilliana is officially over last week's puke fest (holla). And me? Me and Jen (Unedited) had our own Hangover excursion. First, we had a couple drinks.

We had a little too much to drink (I'm a one beer pass-out-or-dance-on-the-table kind of girl), and well, I can't remember, but I think I might have flashed the goods to the bartender (the goods=my head).

Jen was all like "Duuuudddeee! Wouldn't it be sooooo funny if we went roller blading?" I told I've never done it before and my legs were shaky from the last Cherry Bomb, but she wouldn't let up. So we went.

Because of my size, (wallet), we skated over to her house where she told me we could go horseback riding. When we got there, all I saw were cats. I said "Uhhhh, Jen, those aren't horses." She fell over laughing and told me to shut up and get on. So I did. I think they took us to the airport because I remember standing in line for four hours with a suitcase.

 After that, I blacked out. When I got home, the hubs was all "where the hell have you been? It's my birthday." When the room stopped spinning, I tried to remember what the eff happened, but couldn't. And then it hit me. The camera.

Looks like I had fun. If only I could remember any of it. Especially the Cloondog. *sigh* Another Candyland adventure coming soon.

In the meantime, for those of you who missed Friday's official news (can I say official/officially one more effing time?), my good luck charm, the super awesome Elana Johnson, announced her book, Control Issues, sold. Yup. Off tha richtaaaa. Sooooo I wrote her a letter because professions of love are kinda my thang (and probably why face to face interactions are awkward).

I was afraid to send it, fear of another restraining order, so I'll leave it here and wait for her to either *hug* me or *run and hide.* Regardless, whether you know this ball of badassness (it's a word...) or not, meet her/get to know her more intimitly in this archived (!) interview.

Also, another BIG thank you to everyone who helped with my silly contestes (hehe). Go to their blogs and show them some lovin'. And if you've won a prize in either contest, YOU HAVE UNITL TOMORROW MORNING to email me. After that, they go to next in line. That's right. I'm warning you. Don't look at me that way. Do you want a time out? For a list of winners, CLICK HERE.
(candace ganger at yahoo dot com)
Thank you:
Dianne Salerni
Valerie Kemp
Elana Johnson
LiLa Roecker
Harmony May
The hubs

I'm still recovering from last week, so until tomorrow, talk amongst yourselves.

Candyland. OUT.
P.S. If you're looking for another contest to enter, check out Sheri's AMAZING contest HERE.

Birthday cake is for drummers, prizes are for super-awesome Candylanders

Today's the day. Happy birthday hubs! I won't sing (because no one can hear me). Buuttt, I wanna give a shout out to Debbie G. (who doesn't read this) for birthing the most awesome yin to my yang. Erik G, I *heart* you. Now. On.To.Biz.Nassss.

Drawing the winners was easy QUITE a task. I typed every single entry into a Word doc, spent two hours cutting and folding (!) and placed them in this state-of-the-art container.

Between a recovering kiddo, paper everyfreakingwhere and the math. Oh the math. You devoted people with all your entries...

Without further adieu, I give you the winners of the drawing.
*Winners: Please email your address to candace ganger [at] yahoo dot com before Monday. If I don't hear from you, I'll feed your prize to Book Sniper's monster, Chom.

Dianne Salerni's We Hear the Dead: Ashley S.
Melissa Marr's Radiant Shadows: Zoe Courtman
Regina Brooks's Writing Great Books for YA: Mary McDonald
Gayle Foreman's If I Stay: Riv Re
Amy Reed's Beautiful: Lydia Kang
Lauren Oliver's Before I Fall: Amanda West
Slash's Autobiography: Lenny
Maureen Johnson's Devilish: Jo Schaffer
2 autographed bookmarks (Maria V. Snyder & Julie Kagawa): Alannah Javier
Handmade soy candle made by Candyland: Matthew Rush

CONGRATS WINNERS! Now...*drumroll*

On to the cream of zee crop. The "Where in the World is Candyland" photos. This was an effing hardass decision, I'm telling you. These entires made me LOL and ROTFL and any other ridiculous shortened version of laugh.
 I want you to know, you're all winners. Seriously. It sounds lame but it's true. The fact that you went to ALL this trouble with my silly little picture, well...makes me kind of misty and crap. For everyone who doesn't "win" today, ALL photos will be showcased at some point next week.
But for today, the winners are:

GRAND PRIZE/1st Prize Choice: Shannon McMahon "Cooking with Candyland" 
The captions are hard to read, so, to see where she posted with captions CLICK HERE.

FIRST PLACE/2nd Prize Choice: Ashley "Candyland on Tour"

SECOND PLACE/3rd Prize Choice: Kierah Jane "The hubs"

THIRD PLACE/4th Prize Choice: Kelly Polark "Bert 4-Eva"

HONORABLE MENTION: Lenny "White House Royalty"

HONORABLE MENTION: Tawna Fenske "Candyland's Secret Life"

HONORABLE MENTION: Okapi "Candyland, USA"

*WINNERS, other than grand prize, email your choices in order.
Prizes to choose from:
Query critique by Elana Johnson
Query Critique by LiLa Roecker
1st Chapter Critique by Harmony May
$25 Amazon Gift Card
*Honorable Mentions get $5 gift card to online place of choice

A HUGE thank you to everyone who entered. I wish I could give you ALL a prize because, seriously, they were that incredible. I was going to post your pics in the next week, but since your eyes are already about to explode, might as well throw it in.

A special thanks to those of you who created an entire adventure for me! Jen's "Hangover", Anne's "Crazy Awesome Adventures," and Sarah Ahier's "Painball Fun." You went to a whole lot of trouble and even though the panel didn't award you with prizes today, I'm going to do a story three different days next week revolving around these pics. *hugs*

 Now, today's battle (with Gram). Xtranormal was giving me crap, so forgive the excessive air quotes my characters use. I didn't do that.

Bikini vs. One piece

Check out my posse's videos while you're at it:

The Alliterative Allomorph

T.J. Carson's Writing Endeavors

Creepy Query Girl 

Shannon McMahon 

Open a Window 

Susan Fields

Jen-Unedited

Well, I don't know about you, but I'm POOPED. Thanks again to everyone. I love you more than Nutella. That's a lot of love. Before you go, check out my query over on Matt Rush's blog. He's awesome. Have a superduperweekend and think of me every second. Because I'll be thinking of you. Promise.

Candyland. OUT.