I'm mumbling under my breath how much I loathe Mondays (and Justin Bieber)

Heeeelllooo friends. Long time no speak, err type. Whatev. I have little time today, so even though I've got things to tell you (lots + lots), instead you must read my entry for the 100 words for $100 blogfest. Check out the other entrants HERE. Tomorrow, I shall tell you all kinds of things. Marvelous, stupendous things (like how much I LOVED your collaborative comment story) that don't suck. Until then, read this gigantic piece of crap and vomit up your breakfast.

...I want those buttermilk waffles you used to make on blustery winter mornings, the ones shaped like two tiny hearts stitched at the sides, because today I woke up with one of those knock-me-over feelings where the tip of my tongue clung to the pocket in my cheek like velcro, swollen with the mere thought of never seeing that smile on your face every time I asked for them; but then I remembered, with the sweet aroma disappearing in my mind forever, the taste of those sweet hearts will never touch my lips again, as long as I'm alive, without you...

Until tomorrow friends, tell me what did you do this weekend? Tell me. Tell me.
Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me Up: Rewind to yesterday 'cuz I'm with the boys

Hi friends. So, today I'm kind of, uh, NOT HERE. As you read this, I'm either a) on my way to b) already at or c) on my way home from a New Medicine show 3 hours away. Yes, that is called LOVE. I'm hoping an extra-long BR80 hug can make up for it. If you came looking for a Feel Up, CHECK YESTERDAY'S POST!

Until Monday, let's play a game. First person, say one sentence. Second person the next sentence. Third, same. Until you've collaborated to write me the longest, bestest story EVVVAA. I'll start.

Today is the day.


CandylandlovesherMEDICINE. OUT.

Special Edition Feel Me Up: Not your mother's post

Dudes! A special treat today (unless you hate this; in which case prepare for your own personal hell). Candyland has super-magnifi-tastic plans to see NEWFREAKINGMEDICINE tomorrow, so Imma let you Feel Me Up a day early, if ya don't mind. No need to wash, I've got some answers that don't care what's on your hands.

Amy asks: What's your favorite Candy? and What's your favorite Land (Country)?
Hrm..TWIX because they feel like drum sticks (???) and, um, the land of where I'm from (see sidebar)

Sarah Ahiers asks: What would you eat for your last meal?
The Melting Pot's four course fondue FEAST. My faaavvoorriitteee evvva.

Elana J asks: Do you dye your hair?
Not only do I color it, but I color it like every 2-3 weeks. I'm OCD, remember, and once the color starts to fade, I do it over. I want vibrance, people!

Melissa Gill asks: Where'd you get the a-hole cat? And was it your idea?
Oh crap. Well I had his trampy mother first, who birthed a litter when I graduated high school. I "adopted" (was stuck with) what was left of them after finding homes. He, and his sister, are two of them. Boy am I lucky.

Kelly asks: I probably should have asked you when I met you in blogville, but do you prefer being called Candy or Candace? Or Candyland?
Whatever you choose, I will answer to, as long as there's a CAND in there somewhere.

Kindros asks: If you had to choose one color you could never see again, which color would it be? Would you rather always have to say everything on your mind or never speak again? And why is the rum gone?
I would choose orange. It's a frumpy color. And I would rather never speak again. That's what the computer is for. And if you want to know where the rum is, ask your mother. We had a wild night.

Nicole Zoltack asks: What's your favorite movie?
My favorite of all time is Dazed and Confused, but Superbad is right up there.

Bryan Russell asks: Who was the last person to actually scratch your chin?
Me, as far as I know.

Lydia K asks: What's your favorite guilty-pleasure pop song?
Oh snap. I love all the traditional "don't tell anyone you love this" crap. Currently, with a 4yo, I have to say anything by Demi Lovato, The JoBros, Selena Gomez or really anyone I should NEVER listen to.

Janet Jonson asks: What kind of toothpaste do you use?
Crest VIVID WHITE. I want to blind you with my smile. Seriously. I'm a whitening freak.

Shannon McMahon asks: What were you like in high school?
Oh, man. I was, well, pretty much as you read me on here except WEIRDER (yes, it's possible). I used to dress up like Mary Katherine Gallegher, listened to Snoop Dogg, and danced. A lot. I had friends but wasn't "the popular one," I laughed a lot, loved more than I should have and didn't pay as much attention in school as I wish I had.

Myne Whitman asks: What is your writing process?
Procrastinate. Open the computer. Check email. Check MyBook, Blitter, etc. Open Word doc. Check email. Turn TV to a different show. Hum a tune stuck in my head. Start the washer. Forget what I was doing. Make dinner. See the computer and remember I was supposed to write. Feel sleepy. Decide to do it the next day. Repeat process until too much time has elapsed and I kick my own ass into gear just to be able to check it off the list of things.

(Side note: I WISH I had more quiet time to actually, you know, get in the zone. But my short attention span doesn't allow for me....) (Sorry I got bored with my own sentence).

Sharon K. Mayhew asks: What is your favorite kind of lettuce?
Iceburg, thank you for asking. No one EVER asks me what kind of lettuce I like and I've been dying to answer. I'm so relieved now.

Joanna St. James asks: Do you like lady gaga? Remember the revisions you had to do? Did you finish em and send it out? What's the status on that?
Um, no, I do not like her.
Yes, I remember those revisions. They were MY personal hell.
Yes, I did finish them.
Yes I did send them out...(see About Candyland; sidebar)

Until next time, friends, what were YOU like in high school? Are you different now?
Candylandlovesyou. OUT.

I'm the wind beneath your freakin' wings

In case you haven't noticed, there is a HUGE difference between men and women. I mean, aside from the obvious, (I'm not about to stick my size 7 foot in my mouth here), there's the un-obvious or the anti-obvs, or you may call it "Nobs." These are things like opinions on neutral subjects (cheese, water temperature, toilets) feelings (since men don't usually have them), and sometimes even social media (things of the PG nature).

Like TV.

Sure, the hubs may have thought we settled down to watch The X-Life (on VH1) for fun. You know, to un-wind or "relax." INSERT LAUGHTER. He was wrong. I can find hidden codes (while doing my nails, thank you), answers for my revisions, our next child's name, a new story idea, my next husband, and the meaning to freakin' life on just about anything. And this is what happened Sunday. I realized, through really romantic BMX dude, what I want out of life.

Okay, back the truck up, Candyland you say. How can I find all that in one really bad reality show? Well first of all, it's better than Jersey Shore so right there my chances go up. Second, I think often times, it's about what's NOT being said, or what's NOT happening that is the true sign.

I also think my cold medicines are colliding and my brain is full of shizz. It's also possible this entire post is YOUR meaning to life. You just have to look really hard and the answers are there. Seriously. The answers are everywhere, if you want them to be.

Aaaannnndddd you're welcome.

Tell me friends, what was the last show you watched? Did it give you any answers you're looking for?
Candyland. OUT.
P.S. Tune in tomorrow for a special Thursday Feel Up with some more answers to your burning questions...

Late to the party, but [hopefully] rockin' it, Candyland style

So yesterday was Alex's Top 10 Songs blogfest and knowing me, I didn't prepare the post ahead of time and then-WHOOPSI-I got a migraine + a nasty cold, therefore derailing my list-making. So today, friends, bask in the deliciousness that is my ten favorite songs of all time. And let me tell you, coming from a seriously dedicated music fiend, THIS WAS HARD! Honestly, there are so many more songs that have defined the great moments in my life.

If you know me at all, you *know* there are two bands I'm head over heels for. But I think it's what led up to them that made me who I am. And you know, the best part of being in Candyland is that we can all love different things and be who we are, and still be BFFFFFFFFFFFFFs (even if your taste in music sucks worse than mine).

Dream On

Because this song, taught me to believe in myself. And every time I hear it now, I'm reassured...giving up is not an option. Ever. Steven Tyler and Joe Perry raised me. When life was too tough to deal with, I turned to them, and they reminded me to dream. Until my dreams come true.

Stairway to Heaven

This song takes me back to fifteen when I first learned guitar. I learned every part except the entire solo, because to me, the solo represented the dad who has raised me. It's always been said when he passes, I'll learn the rest and play it at his funeral. Even with our ups and downs, he was always at every open mic and nearly every band show with his lighter up (and his air guitar I wish he'd stop). This song goes out to him. And Jimmy Page because he's genius.

Hey You

Ohhhh The Wall. I still remember laying on my high school sweeeetttie's cough my junior year watching that movie. I heard it in my head when I wanted to rebel but could never listen to Floyd driving or I'd get sooooo relaxed I'd fall asleep. "Together we stand, divided we fall." 

Take It Away

Sound Effects + Overdramatics

There aren't enough words to describe my love for The Used (and I seriously love almost ALL of their songs). I thank the hubs for introducing me to Bert's beautiful scream back in the summer of 2004. I remember it because that scream was a defining moment. For me, for us. He doesn't scream just to scream like a lot of those "screamo-whatever-type" bands. I can literally *feel* his pain. Chills, every time. <3.

Resolve to Fight

I met these guys through The Used, which was like a present wrapped in a present, and, this song which is now tattooed on my forearm, is a reminder, much like Dream On, TO FIGHTFIGHTFIGHT for what you want. Double <3.

Beautiful

You probably haven't heard of this band. Even though they had some success before and after changing their name to Northmont, I also have this song tattooed, and it's mainly because these guys became family to me. I did promo for them and even walked down the aisle to this song. If you've never heard this, look it up. It's truly the most gorgeous song I've ever heard. Period.

Only One

The hubs and I met through mutual friends (see: Auryn/Northmont) at an open mic. When we started dating, we sometimes played them together (drummer + singer/guitarist) and THIS was one of my favorite songs to do with him. He played on his djembe, while I sat with my acoustic. It always reminds me of the days we fell in love *sigh*...

Let the Flames Begin

I heart Haley Williams. She's a little firecracker who can actually sing and this is my favorite song of theirs-especially the live version. It kicks a$$.

So Sick

I had the distinct pleasure of meeting, hanging out with and eating at IHOP with this band and they not only rock, but they're insanely nice. I LOVE a girl who sings with conviction and passion and screams the way Lacey does. It's not generic, it's from the gut. She's for realz. 

So that's it. There isn't a diverse selection because when I fall in love with a song, it's usually the band as a whole and I'm pretty dedicated (see: obsessed). Until tomorrow friends, tell me (becuase I missed most posts yesterday) what's your FAVORITE song ever?

Candyland. OUT.

Meh...

Friends...I've had this lingering, throbbing (no, that is not innuendo this time) borderline migraine for about 24 hours now and my eyes kind of want to quit seeing for the time being (hey, that rhymed). Maybe it's because of the constant noise of a 4yo, maybe it's trying to get all my balls in order all day every day. Regardless...My apologies to you, friends, and Alex's blogfest participants, for stopping by on a day where all I have is this:

Tell me friends, can you think of 2 movies you can push together to make something like this? Or is that too much thinking? Ugh. I can't even think right now. Until tomorrow...
Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me Up: Uh-oh. The truth cometh outeth...

So today is a special Feel Me Up. Keeping in line with D.L. + Talli, today is the Significant Other blogfest and you know what that means...

I give you...the hubs.

1. What food or drink is guaranteed to return your loved one to a good mood, even after a bad day writing? Home Made brand Cookies and Cream Ice Cream and a cafe mocha from Tim Horton's (4 Splenda for a medium and 6 for a large)

2. What one thing would you change about your others writing habits? Hmmmm...I love that she writes because it means so much to her and she's good at it. But sometimes I wish she had the ability to let it go when she stopped for the day. It lingers in everything she does and she can't stop thinking about it. I love her for it though.

3. How hard is it to sit by and watch someone you care for struggle to attain a dream...knowing there's very little you can do to help? It's tough (!). Really though, it's hard because there really is nothing I can do other than give her support or take the offspring somewhere so she can have peace and quiet. Sometimes when she's stuck, I try to help her with parts of her story she's stuck on, but I'm probably more of a hindrance than a help.
-Ends-

Yes dear, it IS tough. Geesh. I was hoping for something funny but it just got all serious. Poop. I don't even care if you've washed your hands or not today. Let's have at it.

Random Fact: Last night I twisted a child-proof cap for 5 minutes before setting it aside, and repeating the process two more times. I eventually gave up. Didn't know it was also Candyland-proof.

Random Fact: I don't always listen to the hubs when he's talking. Okay so it's not earth-shattering but he was literally just talking and walked away and I realized I have no effing idea what he just said.

That's it for today, peeps. Next week, more answers, some crap and fill in the blank. Until then tell me, what was the last thing someone said to you that you heard? More importantly, do you ever have problems getting those stupid caps open?

Also, check out these other participants in the blogfest and show some <3. 
Candyland. OUT.

You asked for it, you little devils

With all your burning (hubba hubba) questions, I won't waste time with rambling intros today. In other words, no drawn out foreplay. If that's what you were looking for, come back tomorrow to Feel Me Up.

Jessica Bell asks: Have you ever had nick names for your boobs? If so, dish.
Um, LAUGHOUTLOUDSERIOUSLY. No, I haven't. I think I mostly refer to them as "there."

Kelly Breakey asks: Out of everything you have written, what has been your favorite?
Also, if you couldn't have BR80 for your muse, who would it be. Besides me of course.
I don't have one thing of mine I'd call my favorite. I'm WAY too self-critical to think "this totally rocks." But there are some song lyrics I've written I'm partial to. And if Brady weren't my muse, I'd have no reason to write (or live). Is that dramatic enough?

Jen Daiker asks: Would you rather be deaf or blind and why? Do you even like the game Candyland?
I'd rather be mute, personally but if I have to choose, I'd say deaf. Sure, music is in my blood but the way my eyebrows grow, I need to be able to see to pluck the hairs. There's no way the hubs could be in charge of that. Also, I hate the game Candyland.

Tracy asks: How much would a woodchuck chuck, you know, if I a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If a woodchuck could chuck wood, I'd say he's gonna chuck enough to get our fifteen minutes whether he wants to or not.

Magan asks: Who would win a fight: You, an alien, or a pirate?
Well, an alien might probe me (who knows, I might like it), and a pirate could swash buckle me (whatever that really means) but they've got nothing on my secret ninja training

Katie Mills asks: Have you ever had a crush on one of your made up character?
I'm totally and completely in love with 9:59 Rewind's main dude, Griffin, because he's sort of a carbon copy of the hubs, mad drumming skills and all.

aspiring_x asks: i've been wondering for a while... you sell team candyland t-shirts... but are you secretly (or not so secretly) team br80?
(NOT SO SECRETLY) TEAM BR80!

Timothy Rush asks: How much beer can Erik down in one keg stand? Or at least how much could he down when he was still immature enough to do stuff like that, assuming he ever was?
He said no kegs because they were for d-bags. He was more of a Red Stripe, snowboard camp, I'll-throw-house-parties-but-not-get-wasted-except-for-the-time-I-threw-up-on-myself-in-my-bed, drinkers.

Linda G. Asks: When you wear socks and shoes, do you put them on sock-sock-shoe-shoe, or sock-shoe-sock-shoe? Corollary: do you start with your left foot or right foot?
Right sock, left sock, right shoe, left shoe.

Chris Phillips asks: What is the meaning of life?
What isn't the meaning of life, really (see how I just avoided the question? Skills.)

Carolyn V. asks: Okay, any thoughts about pitch sessions?
While I haven't done them in person, I've won a few pitch contests with something along the same lines.

HERE 

HERE 

HERE 

I think boiling your book down to a 25-30 word sentence is a fantastic way to get to the essence of the story. If I had to do one in person, I'd probably pee.

And finally, Shannon O' Donnell asks: We all have stalker-love crushes, but very few of us have actually achieved the level of success that you have with your darling BR80. Spill it! How did you first get to meet him? How did you end up as buds. How did you get him to wear your shirt when you aren't there to dress him in it?
First let me say, if you haven't yet seen these guys, catch them on tour with Avenged Sevenfold, Stone Sour and Hollywood Undead STARTING TODAY in Reading, PA. You won't be sorry. For a complete list of tour dates, see HERE

Back in hmm early spring, maybe, (I'm getting old and can't remember things), you might remember I caught my other favorite band, The Used (read about that experience HERE). And then I saw them again a week or so later (read about that trip HERE). They had an opening band, New Medicine, who blew me away. I saw hearts around bassist's, Matt Brady's head and I knew they were coming around my area in July. Fast forward to July 2nd (I only know this because I looked back in my FBook msgs).

After friending Brady on FBook, I got one of those mass invites for Joy 2 the World, the charity he raises his rock monies for, and, well, I think photos capture it best:

One day later, I found out the local show SOLD OUT before I got tickets. To find out how I got in, anyway, READ HERE. And then I did the whole contest thing, not once, but twice raising near $1,000 in total for the women of Ghana. In the meantime, I did promo at every show possible, on Face Space, MyBook Twext and Blitter. I made friends with their label, PFR, who put me in charge of the fan Twitter, Fan FBook and New Meds forum. Super long story short, if I'm passionate about something or someone, I make it known and I'm not ashamed. I'm a friend who will do anything to help the band spread the word, because their music is my oxygen. Just be yourself is my cheesy motto. It doesn't hurt to crush on someone so down-to-earth, either.

With that, a picture montage, from the beginning.

Aaannndd I'm spent. Thanks for the Q's, friends! More to come next week. Now you tell me: What IS the meaning of life, to you? And more importantly, if you had the chance to befriend your muse, would you?
Candyland. OUT.

Here she goes again with her balls

Today will be short + sweet, friends. Between all these hats, I'm not sure where I'm at right now. Oh, wait....okay. YES! My lovlies! I swear, the start to this year has been insane, both good and bad. I'm still trying to catch up to everything.

So, in the meantime, LET'S DO QUESTIONS! Give me all you've got, friends and you know I'll answer with the sort of honesty you can always count on in Candyland...

Hit me (not literally, please).

Candyland. OUT.

The ultimate guide to getting shizz done

Balance. Who has it? I mean, really. My teeter-totter is usually heavy-ended. I drop my balls a lot, I take on too much, I sometimes pass out by forgetting to breathe. But balance is also about choices, what's important, what's crap. Sure, I don't HAVE to get dressed or brush my teeth everyday. But again, it's all about choices.

And with that, easy-to-follow guidelines for getting shizz done.

To be a good writer:
-Do NOT get dressed, it wastes creative thinking time.
-Forget cooking, grab a few M&M's
-Get in the zone. Have a work area no one is allowed into without clearance.
-When your child yells for you, pretend you don't hear just like they do to you when you want them to do something. Karma.
-Temporarily divorce your spouse, because you'll feel closer to your MC + his/her love interest.
-No time for chores. You're creating a masterpiece.

To be a good spouse/parent:
-Answer them when they yell for you (Sounds easier than it is).
-Pry the laptop from your lap (Ditto).
-Don't let every PING from your email distract you from playing with Barbies (Okay check quickly).
-I guess you should feed them something, so cooking is probably okay. Or order out.

To be a good cleaning lady:
-Knock a-hole cat off counter.
-Spray Febreeze so it smells like you cleaned.
-Sweep dirt/crumbs/dead bodies under the couch. You'll get them later.
-Throw away dirty dishes. Who has time to wash?
-Wear the same clothes/pajamas until YOU can't stand the smell anymore.

To be a good friend: 
-Never answer your phone, email is better. Wait...
-Invite friends to catch up + text while they sit next to you because you forgot how to talk to real people.
-Blog about them. It's sort of the same as spending time together.

To do it all:
-Lose your mind.
-Have lots of caffeine.
-Fail on almost all of these tasks but do one REALLY well.
-Forget what hygiene is.
-Blog about getting shizz done...instead of actually getting shizz done. Whoopsi. #candylandfail

Tell me friends, the question of finding balance has been asked before. I want to know which guide you're following today.
Candyland. OUT.

To understand me, cover the damn mattress

I've talked before about judging people. And, you know, it's not cool, but I think we've all been guilty at times whether we realize it or not. I TRY not to, but I'm not perfect, I know (shocking, right?). I honestly believe in treating others the way you want to be treated, or better. I believe in giving the benefit of the doubt. I believe more in the good, than the bad. I believe in unicorns and shooting stars. Wait...one of those is right.

But sometimes, judgement comes from somewhere unexpected, somewhere you thought you were safe. Maybe it's a friend, a family member, or your a-hole cat. Regardless, it hurts more when it's not some faceless commenter, or review or BR80 lover. Because you thought they understood you.

But you were wrong.

They don't understand what the two-year journey has been like. The hell you've been through to make your dreams come true. They don't *get* just how hard it is to break into the literary world, to make a name for yourself from nada followers to 419. They have no clue what it takes to make these real friendships with strangers who are going through the same things...these people who send you sympathy cards and call you and check up on you when you're suffering. Even though they've never seen your face or given you a physical hug.

Maybe I talk too much about a band that has literally brought me back to life, from a desolate, dire streak of emptiness, to ACTUAL FEELING + BREATHING again. So what? Maybe I think that band's bassist is like, the cat's pajamas and I'm not afraid to say he's my muse. The hubs doesn't care, why should you? Maybe I haven't fully explained what it's like to query for two years, revise, submit, revise, submit, revise, submit, pour my soul into every word, and still get rejected day after day. So you don't understand. Okay, it's fine. Really.

So please don't assume you do.

Friends, old and new, physical and virtual. Everything you need to know about me is right here. Take me as I am, or Not. At. All.

Name: Candyland
Favorite things: The hubs, the offspring, New Medicine, BERT, singing, writing, all of YOU
Pet peeves: A-hole cats, rude/fake people, slow drivers, plastic cups, the mattress showing
I write because: It heals me.
I blog because: I <3 you.
You might mistake me as: Weird, quiet, awkward.
But really I'm: Awkward, insecure, unsure, missing the social butterfly I once was, while trying to break free from the cocoon I now live in...

Don't be afraid to be YOU. Don't apologize for it, don't hide from it. Forget the haters, remember the ones who love you the way you are. No regrets, peeps. Got me?

Tell me friends, can you answer any of these statements as honestly as possible? I PROMISE, I'll never judge you in Candyland. 


Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me Up Friday: Plate Licker's Anonymous

It's been an interesting start to the new year, friends. At least for me, anyway. It started with the worst kind of news, but all of the sudden, things are starting to get...perky (okay not in all the places I'd like, but still). And I wish the best for all of you lovely bliends (blog + friends). May you all exceed your expectations and resolutions and have all your wishes granted.

My advice? Set the bar really, really low. Don't expect too much. Be prepared to fail. Be prepared to suck. Then you'll surely surprise yourself when you don't suck SO much. That's right, I'm encouraging you to aim low. Really, really low. BE PROUD of yourself for getting out of bed today (unless you haven't yet...in which case...um...moving on).

Now, Candyland is still getting back into the groove so I want you to wash your hands thoroughly, dry them, apply a paraffin treatment with those plastic glove thingys, rinse and sanitize. I'll be waiting....

Random Fact: While it's true I've started a new weight loss journey, yesterday was the last day to use up extra points. I may or may not have gone to the store ONLY to buy four Cadbury Eggs. Worth. Every. Point.

Random Fact: And because of my new constant state of hunger, I may or may not have licked my plate to get every single crumb. Mmm...(still hungry)...

WOWZA! That was supadupa. I'm feeling that little spark, yaaknow, back in Candyland. Thank you all for hanging in there with me through the rough times. And as of this morning, I've officially lost 5.5 pounds. Yahoo!(FEEEEEED MEEEE).

Until Monday, have you ever gone to the store only to buy junk? Have you ever licked your plate clean? In front of people? (I've not yet reached this level of hunger, but I'll get there).
Candyland. OUT.

Re-SO-lutions-WHAT?

Some of you have made them. I, Candyland, however has not. I believe more in life changes instead of false promises to myself like "I will only eat chocolate on holidays." Or "I will not swear when I fall down the stairs. "Or even, "I will never drop my glasses in the toilet again. Pfft...those would never stick.

But the changes I've committed to (not to be confused with I need to be committed), are reasonable.
-I will somehow teach a gorilla sign language (i.e. Cocoa)
-I will become Matt BR80's muse (maybe I already am...)
-I will fit into the jeans that pinch my fat
-I will not tell Fim he sucks (even when he does) (okay, not everyday)
-I will get an agent God, sell my book and pee my pants (probably more of the latter, just because)

The hubs has some resolutions, too.
-I'll talk less about snow. No he won't.
-I'll spike my hair more often. No, probably not.
-I won't make any resolutions. Yeah, that's better.

And so does the offspring:
-I will throw more fits. I mean less.
-I will do everything you say. Or none of it.
-I will listen. Wait, what'd you say?

And Fim:
-I will suck less. Maybe not. Nah. Imma just do me.
-I will try not to sneeze in your face as much.
-I will not lay in the middle of the floor. As much.

Resolutions are vile. I'm sticking to that. Let's call it DOABLE LIFE CHANGES THAT DON'T SUCK TOO BAD OR MAKE ME DO THINGS I DON'T WANT TO. How's that?

Until tomorrow friends, anything outlandish you've committed to this year?
Candyland. OUT.

Subjectivity is a subjective piece of subjectiveness

So yesterday you all weighed in on an interesting topic. However, the experience wasn't recent for me so all is good in the world of Candyland. I kept on keepin' on with my bad querying self once I realized that even though the agent God and I had a sort of friendship, my work just wasn't...you know...her thing.

Speaking of.

Ever notice, my querying friends, how one agent may LOVELOVELOVE what you say, how you say it, how you dress, your name, and the way you overly adverbatize your story, while another hates every word on every page, thinks you dress stupid, thinks your prose is weak, your story sucks, your voice is all wrong (insert more hatred here) or even that you queried at all? (And I've had my fair share of all that shizz)

It's called subjectivity and it's a really good thing, believe it or not.

Even if you query 100 agent Gods and 99 of them hate you, I mean your work, that one last agent might see *something* and actually...wait for it...BELIEVE IN YOU. You want agent Gods to be subjective. You NEED them to be subjective. It's in your favor.

So those days you want to quit so bad, just remember, it only takes one. Send it out and see what happens. If they think you suck, well, maybe you do. <---JOKING.

But really, everyone's opinions differ. There are books everyone talks about right now and I'd rather stick hot needles in my eyes than finish reading. But I may love something  and you'd rather stick hot needles in your eyes. We're all different, but we're still all people dudes. Stick with it (and no needles in your eyes). Practice your craft. Your agent God is out there. I think. I hope. Maybe...(how's that for a pep talk)

Until tomorrow, have you ever loved something that everyone else hated?
Candyland. OUT.

When your new besties hold all the friggin' power

Being so awesomely (if awesome means not awesome)web savvy has it's downside. Sure, you get to connect with people, establish whatever platform you're after, market yourself and your work and ramble on about how I never lie to the offspring, but no one talks about what it's like to make friends...like REAL FRIENDS...that hold somewhat of a higher power.

Yes, I'm talking about God.

No, that's not right. I meant to say agents. Wait...aren't they kind of the same? I mean, they decide your writing fate, at times, and even though the writing is ultimately in your hands, they make the final decision on whether to let you in to their world or whether you're destined to live the life of an aspiring writer...forever.

So maybe they don't hold that much power but they are the starting point for a career (in most cases, anyway). And what happens if, through social media (i.e. Tweetbook, MyFace, Bookitter or Space), you strike a conversation with an agent, become SM friends (social media) (not to be confused with S&M) (yikes), and you start to think "Hey, maybe I should query my new awesome agent friend. They have to love it because we're friends."

WRONG.

There's a big difference in being SM friends with the agent gods and querying said agent friends. They owe you nothing, sadly. And I say this with experience, the rejection hurts more. Because you though you vibed. But really, it was like that relationship in high school where it was all one-sided and you're the one who bought the prom corsage and wristlet because he was only into you to make his real girlfriend jealous. Wait...

Okay, so it's not the same, but if you make friends with the agent gods and decide to query, make sure all your eggs aren't in their oven. Wait, my metaphors are sucking today. Make sure your bun is in their oven but your eggs are in the fridge with other eggs. Oh snap. That's not right either. REGARDLESS.

Query agent god SM friends with caution. Realize that, even if they love you more than BR80 shirtless, they still might not be into your work. Sure, it hurts. But you'll get over it. Or you won't. And you're welcome for that priceless advice.

How about you. Have you ever queried an agent God you made friends with and been rejected? 
Candyland. OUT.
P.S. As if you need another reason to love Matt BR80, here's more over on Jules's page!

I'm officially beefy, but Bert + BR80 don't care

So when you felt me up Friday, I told you the hubs and I have started on a new journey. You know...the DON'T BE FAT ANYMORE journey. I told you he lost 7 lbs in the first week while I only lost 1.5, though before I showered I re-weighed (in my birthday suit) and lost another 2lbs. I'll take it!

And though this isn't a weight loss blog, I think, much like anything else in life, by sharing, I'm making myself more accountable. Plus, you know I like to tell you things. But this is not a resolution. I started before the new year and I will continue long after other resolutions dissipate. I hope. Maybe I'm full of it. Who knows.

In the first week of our DON'T BE FAT ANYMORE journey, these are some of the things we've eaten:

Cheese omelets

Garlic rubbed sirloin steaks 

(yeah I burned the garlic. What of it?)

Double cheese meatloaf

Feta-stuffed chicken breasts

Mexican chili with jalapeno corn muffins

Chicken Fajitas

Cinnamon rolls

Cheese, green pepper and onion quesadillas

Mini pizzas

Ice cream sundaes

French toast

Chocolate

Olive Garden. Hellz yeah.

And still to come this week:

Fillets with mustard wine glaze

Roasted chicken and potatoes

Steak with mushroom gravy and mashed potatoes

Needless to say, it's never been easier to drop the pounds than now. I also think it's a great time to purge all the negative energy in our lives as well. By eating better and taking care of ourselves, maybe life will feel...better...(she hopes).

Oh, and a big thank you to those of you who've sent both physical and ecards. You have NO IDEA how grateful I am. They truly have brightened my dark days. But most especially, I want to thank Kelly for sending something that made me smile for like an hour:

Why yes, that IS my two favorite dudes (aside from the hubs), BERT + BR80 = <3

Until tomorrow friends, what was the best meal you had last week? And how are those resolutions going thus far? On the wagon or so far off, you're all "what resolution?"

Candyland. Out.

Feel Me Up: I'm SO hungry but he sure looks good in my shirt

Well friends, it's been a strange week. Full of crazy highs and of course the lows. But you've been there for me, and I can't tell you how much I appreciate each and every one of you. For shizz. I can't say I'm "healed" but I hope I'm on my way and honestly, I think it's from all of your love, prayers and good vibes. Oh and WELCOME NEW FOLLOWERS!

I want to end this week on a positive note because the mood has been so somber. There's this song by The Used, I've played before, that says it all...

Cut yourself in conversation, cut the line to make me feel alive,

'Cause you know I'm not alive,

And leave me with your complications, take your life

You feel like taking mine,

Meeting God we stand in line, 

Not alone,

Nowhere to go, I'm not leaving, not going,

I'm not kissing you goodbye, 

On my own, I'm nothing, just bleeding, 

I'm not kissing you goodbye,

Trust to take the right to leave me, waiting under dark clouds for the rain,

Praying lightening strikes a change,

As history gets lost and as I took that final breath I felt alive,

Meeting God to stand in line, 

All alone,

Nowhere to go, I'm not leaing, not going,

I'm not kissing you goodbye,

On my own, I'm nothing, just bleeding.

I'm not kissing you goodbye,

Don't let me go, don't say goodbye,

'Cause you know that I'm not alive,

Don't let me go, don't say goodbye, 

Don't let this love die,

I'm not going, not leaving, not going,

I'm not going, I'm bleeding, not going, I'm not kissing you goodbye.

Okay okay...enough sap. Today's no different than any other Friday so go wash your friggin' hands and prepare for the awesome while that song sticks in your head the rest of the day (you're welcome).

Random Fact: So, despite everything this week, the hubs and I actually decided it was time to try to get healthy (resolution anyone?) and joined Weight Watchers. As of today, one week in, I've lost a whopping 1.5 pounds. Whooppee (sarcasm). The hubs lost...wait for it...SEVENEFFINGPOUNDS. Though I'm proud, it killed my weight loss buzz. I'm really hungry. REALLY hungry.

Random Fact: Okay this isn't about me but HHOLLLDDD UPPP! A certain someone's publicized pics sport a very familiar piece of clothing. To see what I'm talking about read the Audioperv HERE.

Thanks for taking my mind of things with your delicate hands. New to Feel Me Up? Be sure to come back every Friday for more Candyland random facts. Until Monday friends, I've seen resolutions posted everywhere but you tell me: What's your numero uno, top priority resolution?


Mine? Lose another five before January 29th. Though, at this rate, it will take me longer. Meh.


Candylandhungry. OUT.

You're not a judge but if you're gonna judge me...

If you see the girl in the corner, the one in the faded, ripped jeans she's had since high school, the black New Medicine hoodie that's black because she likes black, not because she's goth, and the fingerless gloves she cut herself because she likes the feel of things between her bare fingers, not through a thin layer of cloth, don't stare.

Sure, her skin is pale, her green eyes have faded to a dull gray, and her chapped lips crack and bleed but she sees you looking. She keeps her chin buried deep into the TWLOHA tee that peeks through the hoodie's metal teeth because she wants you to look away.

You think she's so rude, she must hate her life, why is she here if she hates it so much? You notice how she grinds her teeth, clenches her jaws until the muscles tense as she twists her balled up fists around inside the hoodie's front pockets.

And you stare harder.

But you don't know the girl, who she is (candylandgang), what she loves(grilled cheese, writing, sarcasm), hates (farm machinery, plastic cups, clowns), what she's going through (loss). You don't know she's wearing the faded, ripped jeans she's had since high school because they bring her comfort, remind her of a time when the pain took a different form, the less difficult kind.

And you don't know her skin is pale, her green eyes have faded to a dull gray, and her chapped lips crack and bleed because she's been through hell this week. She wanted to look different, better, but her looks reflect her feelings, and she's okay with that.

You might think twice about staring so hard at the girl in the corner. She's not rude, she's shy. She doesn't hate her life, she's sad. She's here because despite the timing, it's the offspring's dance night and that's what mommies do. She grinds her teeth, clenches her jaws until the muscles tense as she twists her balled up fists around inside the hoodie's front pockets because the physical pain of passing what's left of her baby, is anything but comfortable.

Yesterday, friends, was an amazingly uplifting day reading all of the posts and comments and emails from all of you. After a night of minimal sleep, it's come to my attention my body still has some releasing to do. I've been in a lot of pain, and the medicine isn't helping so I'm sure I look awful, act awful and seem like an awful person. But really, I just hurt.

Thank you so much for everything. Keep your stories coming. They really are helping me heal and I'm returning emails as fast as I can. It brings me SO MUCH joy to see a full inbox when I'm feeling so pooptastic.

If you want to know more about what led up to this difficult week, this covers it all: HUGS NOT DRUGS

Until tomorrow, tell me, have you ever judged a book (literal or metaphorical) by its cover? #behonest
Candyland. OUT.

When you stumbled into Candyland...

Were you really looking for ball-cleaning techniques? 

If so, I'm sorry to disappoint. My balls are self-cleaning. Also, I'm not a chihuahua pitcher, I'm not 80 years old, I don't know Santa personally (but I hear he was a tightwad this year), and I do hugs, not drugs.

Seriously. Today I woke up so sad, so empty. But I turned on the computer and now I feel full and more complete than I have in a long, long time. You all have made me feel a part of something which is something I've never really had. You've never met me, yet you share my every tear, and offer all your love, support, prayers, and stories you've endured so I *know* I'm not alone.

There are no words for that.

Whether you're new or an old friend, if stumbled into Candyland over the last few days (weeks, really) and read about all of the personal tragedies, (and you browse Feel Me Up Fridays) you now know pretty much everything about me. One thing I've not mentioned in an EFFINGLONGTIME is something so dear to me, my face gets hot thinking about it (literally the color red) so you know I will by the end of this post.

When you're a lone blogger, going through tough times, it's good to have your blog buds to remind you you're alive, people care and you're not alone. I've gotten an overwhelming response via email, Jen's post, Jessica, Timmy Matthew and I've even talked to some of you on the phone before you surprised me with blog posts (Sharon), (I <3 U Lenny), which is beyond amazing (and now you know how awkward I am). Thank you to everyone who has reached out to me in some way, thought of me, wished me well, virtually cried with me, hugged your computer screen and pretended it was me, or even named your cat after me (the cool  one, not the a-hole).

But with all the love, there was still one thing missing deep in my soul. Until last night.

.......Erm....okay. So maybe that wasn't exactly what it said. Let's try this again.

Not as exciting, but I'll take it! And though I'm not all better from everything that's happened, I sure as hell feel like fighting now (thank you real life friends, bloggers new and old, hubs, offspring, Lenny who I love more than peanut butter cups, Jen who is the sparkliest of all sparkles, Jess who is truly the sister I never had, Timmy who is the sister I never had (seriously love you, woman), Sharon who is a beautiful soul I'm blessed to know and yes,----> THE BR80)...

When my balls get shiny again, I will have you all to thank. Yes, Candyland will thank you for taking good care of her balls during this difficult time. Balls balls balls (because I'm still me).

So tell me something friends...seriously. Tell me something, Anything. Because I'm sort of choked up here.

Candylandlovesyousoeffingmuch. OUT.

A drop of memory births the story of me

I've been staring at a blank screen for too long now and every time I try to write something with meaning, I fail (or talk about my a-hole cat FIM) (he's watching me) (yeah I'm talking to you, jerk) (I was telling him, not you, friends). Anyway, yesterday I shared something traumatic I'm going through and it wasn't as easy as it seems to spill all. I pride myself in being as honest as possible, but sometimes it backfires and I end up feeling guilty for having shared at all.

And I have a confession.

I will not stop trying to make a baby, because I believe it will happen. I will not stop missing my father, but I will learn to heal. I will not stop querying, because I feel deep in my gut, no matter how much I sometimes want to throw in the towel, my agent is out there. And yours is too.

I lied.

I don't actually believe that second baby will ever come, maybe I will never heal from the loss of my father and it's a very real possibility I will not land an agent. That is my current, neurotic reality. I hope I'm wrong. I say what I say, less for me, and more for you. So YOU won't give up. So YOU will make something of yourselves and be everything I wish I could be.

As for me, I have yet to find my footing from this more than minor stumble through life. I've always been honest with you, friends, and today is no different. No matter what lies ahead for me, you have to fight. Fight like it's your last chance, your last word, your last breath. I sure as hell want to. Do it for me, for you, for every bad thing that's ever happened to you and for every feeling of self-doubt you want to punch in the face.

But right now, I've realized, I'm temporarily out of, yaknow, fight. At least until my a-hole cat gets OUT OF THE AISLE (seriously, find a new spot to lay). FRIENDS LISTEN: I love you. More than I ever thought I could love different spawns of life from across the globe (whom I've never met). You are my MEDICINE too.

So, I'm going to do something I've been wavering on for some time: Write the story of me. With these memories, these words, how can I not?

Candyland. OUT.

P.S. Wow...thank you to every one who has reached out in this devastating time. The emails are empowering, the phone calls make me smile when I don't feel like it, the posts make me feel like I'm not alone, like what I say and do does matter, and let me tell you, I'm so humbled by the friends I've found through writing...

Thank you.

Sometimes pain is a reminder we are alive

Candyland is going to talk about something some of you may turn away from, but I beg of you, if you must go, at least read the last two paragraphs. My wish for you in the coming year is resilience...something I'm being tested for on an ongoing basis.

I can't pretend this has been an easy holiday. I want to, but I can't. If you visited the blog in the last week, you saw what was an emotional first visit to my father's grave marker. He died in 2004 from cancer. Four whole years passed before I found out, and every day is another chance for my heart to break with the mere thought of it, him.

But seeing the marker was as close as I'll ever get to seeing him. And I'm trying to come to terms with that.

(Brace yourself for more crap news)

And then, something happened this weekend. Something I wasn't expecting. A few weeks back, I'd been feeling nauseated, drinking Sprite and smashing crackers into my mouth like it was my last meal. I didn't want to believe I could be, you know, pregnant, because it's been a tough road over the last two years. I'd miscarried 9/29/09 with what would have been our 2nd child, and now, I've lost what would have been baby number 3.

I'm sort of in a blur of emotions. From confusion, to anger, to grief, to WHY ME? And I don't want this post to depress you, but instead, inspire you. If you take away one thing from what I've lived, what I've said, take this: THE STRONG RESOLVE TO FIGHT.

I will not stop trying to make a baby, because I believe it will happen. I will not stop missing my father, but I will learn to heal. I will not stop querying, because I feel deep in my gut, no matter how much I sometimes want to throw in the towel, my agent is out there. And yours is too.

When you want to quit, think of me. And how effing stubborn I am.
Candyland. OUT.