The cat or the egg...

Is it just me, or do my child + feline friend sort of look alike? Which came first...did I birth the child who morphed into a cat, or did the cat I found become a child? My brain hurts.

 Hmm...

How was your weekend?

Candyland. OUT.

Remember me this way

Today, I salute my baby brother, U.S. Marine Jacob Woodard, who is in Afghanistan while his pregnant wife, Leigh, patiently awaits him in Australia.

Today, I thank my dad for his service in the Air Force all those years back.

Today, I'm thankful for my freedom, my life, my everything.

Today, I remember all those lost, in general. Especially my [biological] father who lost his battle to cancer almost exactly 7 years ago. Gone, but never EVER forgotten, for as long as I live.

Remember a loved one today.

Thank a hero today.

<3

Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me Up Friday: I guess I'll put on pants

I had a whole post ready for today. Really, I did. But then the funniest thing happened: I got food poisoning for the second time THIS WEEK. It wasn't the spoonfuls of icing, or the half a can of nuts I ate at 1am the night prior. In fact, the only thing I can attribute it to is...get this...FRUIT. So, I'm taking this as a sign that I should not be eating so much fruit and to up my intake of icing and nuts.

In the meantime, warm up your hands. Let's get busy.

Random Fact: When I say the words "Let me put on my pants," you better watch out. Something fancy is going on like I'm actually leaving the house. This is rare.

Random Fact: I'm a pretty tough Latino/Pacific Islander/African American/Guatemalan/[insert other races in which people have assumed I am], but during thunder storms, I will not cut you. You will, in fact, find me shivering in the corner of the closet, crying. Boom boom scares me.

I know some of you don't reside in America, but Monday is a holiday in which I shall partake. Any excuse to eat more food, really. Yes, I'm thinking of food even when the stomach Gods are churning a sour stew on top of my baby's head. And to the one of you who still reads this silly blog, that means I will probably just stare at the computer screen instead of actually type something into it.

Until Tuesday, I invite you to tell me your fears, no matter how asinine. I'll start. I'm afraid terrified will pee my pants over: Toilet rims with anything on them. And to be honest, letting my parents see me pregnant. Because they now know what I do in my spare time.You're turn.

Happy weekend, friends.

Candyland. OUT.

Finding HOPE in uncertainty

Right now, the fates are deciding whether or not the Candyland fam can buy a house, if agents/editors will love or hate the ms, and how healthy my bun will be when he's done baking. There's not a lot I can do, other than sit and wonder and hope and wish for the best.

Like all those affected by the tornadoes. 

Those people are utterly and completely helpless, at the hands of Mother Nature and her wrath. Though one thing that always *gets* me in the wake of tragedy are the heroic and inspirational stories of hope and survival. Of a boy who rescued his family. Or a baby found after days of searching. After a lone tree is found standing in the midst of disaster. No matter what happens in our lives...the personal tornadoes, both physically and metaphorically, that make us question our faith or our finiteness, just remember there is one thing you can control:

How much hope you hold on to.

Some might say it doesn't make a difference, whatever will be, will be. I believe coma patients awaken after years of darkness because of hope. I believe cancer in special little men will go into remission for good, because of hope. I believe my second child is still growing inside me, because of hope. That's not to say that those who have it, and still endure tragedy, aren't hopeful enough or aren't deserving of a better outcome.

But I am saying that in a world full of rejection and NO and "I'm so sorry," if you do nothing else, hold onto the hope that better things will come. Somehow, someway. Because without it, exactly what are you holding on to?

What are you hoping for today?

Candyland. OUT.

Where the BLEEP is she?

I'm here. Totally staring at the screen. I want to write something deeply profound today. I really do. However, I now have a sick child and husband to tend to. And just in case my fat a$$ needs a little help in the near future, I suppose I better take care of them. But I swear, I have something super amazing to talk about. Really, I do. This is in no way procrastinating because I should be working and/or getting the offspring more water or blowing my husband('s nose)(ha).

So I really should go. I should.

I'm going now. This is me going...

BUT WAIT...

Oh, man...I really miss you. Blogging has taken a backseat to...well, everything lately. I haven't read, commented or posted like I used to and I feel awful about it. I mean, who else cares about THIS or THIS? Only you. In real life, I'm all "could you paint SUCKHOLE on your face using your mouth as the O?" And people are all "Ummm no." Without you, I'm just a weirdo with weird things to say. Weird weird weird.

Okay, I better go now. For realz.

This is me going...reluctantly.

Until tomorrow (where I'll have an actual post, I swearz), use THIS POST as a clue of what's to come VERY SOON.

Candyland. OUT.

For your next birthday, I give you the gift of food poisoning

This past weekend, my darling, sweet, funny, INSERT MORE SUPER NICE WORDS HERE, husband celebrated his 30th birthday. Though he's nothing like what I imagine to be like when I celebrate mine next February (whining, crying, eating lots of icing from the can...wait...I do that now), I could tell this birthday was a turning point that deserved more than a celebration. It deserved a BR80bration. *smiles devilishly*

The weekend started with a little Medicine, of course. Because when it's your birthday (or ANY DAY), Medicine makes it even better. I'd be lying if I said I didn't get a little out of the deal, though...

What's that you say? You want to know what it's like to push your fat, pregnant ass through a sweaty crowd of angsty teens for a legendary BR80 hug? Well, it was sweaty. Worth it. Always worth it. And the shirt? Well only Candyland makes pregnancy somehow about Matthew H. Brady. Because I can.

 Aside from the usual, Saturday, the actual day of the hubs's bday (and supposedly the whole rapture thing), I managed to make the day even better by getting food poisoning at noon and spending the rest of the day hunched over in pain, followed by the night in the bathroom. TMI, CANDYLAND. TMI.

Yesyes.

On Sunday, we followed up my dizzy sweats + toilet affair with a day full of cleaning and cooking out for friends. A whole weekend to celebrate the love of my life. No, not Brady. I mean the REAL love. So on behalf of everyone here in Candyland (which is really just me), HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY TO ERIK G.

("B's."<--BR80 for Happy Birthday.)

Until tomorrow, tell me friends: What was your BEST birthday EVER?


Candyland. OUT.

Blargh.

Sorry for the delay, to the one or two of you who might actually read my pointless thoughts. Candyland came down with food poisoning this weekend, and though I started to feel better yesterday, I'm sort of blargh today. Sure, I got BR80 hugs Friday. And sure, it was the hubs's bday. And I have lots to say about nothing. But as for today, this is all I have.

Until tomorrow...blargh.

Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me Up Friday: Bad show + bad kiss = Give me more nuts

So, friends, it's been a long week. Maybe it's just me, but every day sort of felt like three wrapped into one. That and one day this week I ate almost a whole can of nuts. Yes, I realize all the jokes one could produce with that statement, so I'll refrain.

This week was all about changes. Changes regarding my choices, my dreams, my life. But one thing I ALWAYS take away from a new change is, NEVER SAY DIE. No matter how tough, no matter how difficult or different or life-altering, it is never an option to give up. NEVEREVER.

You are in Candyland: A safe place where you will always be encouraged and supported, whatever your decision, a place where dreams WILL come true. If you need a little inspiration, go to The Best of Candyland and read a few of those old posts then tell me you don't feel like kicking today's ass.And I promise, I will try to take my own effing advice. Until then, go wash up, because you know what time it is...

Random Fact: I watch The Secret Life of the American Teenager, every week. And I hate every second of it, every week.

Random Fact: My first real kiss was terrible. I remember thinking "This can't be it. I quit." The only first kiss that matters, with the hubs, was beyond stellar. Like one of those movie scenes where time literally stops. That's how you know s/he's the "one." Well, and he had the spikiest hair I've ever seen. Always a plus.

Well there you have it. And I am officially wiped out. It was that good. Until Monday, tell me, do you remember your first kiss? How was it? SPILL. 

Candyland. OUT.

The gnomes are fired

So this week, I've been battling some demons. Some of the icing-craving kind and others of the OMG-MY-HEAD-IS-ABOUT-TO-COMBUST kind. In fact, right now, I'm typing this with only a ball of flames nestled atop my neck. Being preggo means I can't eat my Advil and IBuprofen like candy anymore. And save your lectures on how they cause stomach ulcers. My ulcers happen to LOVE their daily dose of naproxen. The bleeding is just excess blood my body didn't need because I'm made of superhero tears.

Aside from the norm, this week has been kind of strange. With no head, it's been tough keeping up with the Kardashians blog, and, even though I was sure little gnomes would keep my posts up to par, they failed to deliver one of many hefty promises. Like the whole grocery shopping debacle. WHAT'S SHE TALKING ABOUT?

Basically, Candyland is in a sort of transition phase whilst trying to find footing again in this writing world. Why we choose to subject ourselves to the daily beatings of rejection and criticism, I don't know. YES I DO. Because creating a make believe world is more fun than reality. Is that right? YES. Because I can describe exactly what it felt like to have my heart completely broken by my love, talk about my ex-friends, and re-live things I thought I'd long since forgotten. Like first kisses and butterflies and everything else that writing YA gives me. I can lie, cheat, steal and be a BAAADDDD GIRLLL, even if only on the page. I can make you laugh or cry. Make you love me or hate me.

Make you feel.

But anyway, some changes will be underway via the blog. It's only fair to have my web life mimic my real life. I guess. It sounds like something I should say. Oh, and people, seriously.

Um, I'm not even going to touch that last one. Until tomorrow, tell me, what is your daily heroin (and if it's actually heroin, uhh, sorry).


Candyland. OUT.

Waiting for my fix...

This is a re-post from last year, in honor of the long-awaited New Medicine concert this Friday. Plus, I've got another headache. Boo. But you know, I've got a little Medicine right heeya, and it ALWAYS makes me smile.

I use to be a lot of things: fun, free-spirited, outgoing, independent, and fearless. And among other more superficial things, I was crazy thin without that annoying upper arm (and everything) jiggle only childbirth could instigate. I was once a guitar-wielding (self-proclaimed) bad ass, ready to officially start my life since I'd only been skimming by all the years before.

But, once I fell in love and started baking that little bun in my oven, everything changed. I wasn't *me* anymore. I was us, we, our, him and her. Then I caught a major bout of post-partum depression and it was a long, LONG road I thought I'd never recover from. I actually thought I was going to die. Don't get me wrong, I love my life, marriage and motherhood and wouldn't trade any of it. But, there was a part of *me* I thought I'd lost forever, and it hurt, burned and stung like nothing I'd ever felt before. So, though I started to rely on us, we, our, him and her, a hole inside kept growing and I became only wife and mommy....and I had no idea where the *me* went, or how to get it back.

Fast forward through some of life's typical highs and lows.

Something the hubs said regarding Saturday's New Medicine show suddenly struck me. A bulb shattered overhead. A siren went off. A buzzer sounded. Loud. And. Clear. It's not just about the band. Or the music. Or the lyrics. Or the Matt Brady eye candy. It's the way all of it, together, makes me feel....like *me* again.

New Medicine filled the empty, lonely, misunderstood space. The part that only music could translate. I don't like it, crave it, desire it. I NEED it. It's the same way I feel about writing. They connect with the missing piece in me, and I only hope my words might do that for you.

And because of the life they pumped back into those dull veins, the only time Candyland will ever show her face on this blog, is today. Because I want you to see the face of someone, once lost, reborn again. If you're ever in doubt, about what you're saying, conveying, or portraying, remember: the power of words, compassion, gratitude and human connection really do mean something. I've got proof.

Thank you, followers of old for reading my words and connecting through comment and email. Thank you, followers of new for finding me and deciding I'm worth your time. Thank you, New Medicine for finding *me.* Thank you hubs for allowing me to always be me, (whoever she is) up or down through all the years of us, we, our, him and her.

And thank you, Brady, for the beer, the hugs, and the continual inspiration re: J2W. You make me want to be a better person, just by knowing you. I look forward to drawing more awareness to J2W, together, this fall. To everyone who's lost the spark, the smiles, the memories, the joy and everything in between, remember: 

"The strong resolve to fight"

My friends, what, in your life, salvaged the parts of you once forgotten?

Candyland. OUT.

Don't you do it

I had something else to talk about today but in case I missed anyone, I want to let you know that my email was hacked. If you received a link "from me," do NOT click on it. I wouldn't send you a link, unless it's of New Medicine or a More Cowbell skit. And I certainly wouldn't do it without rambling on and on first.

On a side note, while said hacker was wasting all this time, I was enjoying a 1/2 can of frosting, thankyouverymuch.

Has your account ever been hacked? Kind of blows.

Here's to *hoping* for a better day. No more hacking. Or rejections. Or fallout from the frosting.

Candyland. OUT. 

This is what...

A headache looks like.

I have to work, breathe and tend to my child. But other than that, friends, this post is all you get until tomorrow. I'm sure you're SO disappointed. I know I would be. Who doesn't want to read my useless crap every day? Wait...who doesn't not want to read my...wait...who does want to not read my...uhh...yeah, time for a break.

Until tomorrow, tell me, what are your best headache remedies? Meds? Ice? Rest? Laughter?


Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me Up Friday: Blogger can bite me

I had a post already written. It was long. And brilliant. Well, probably not the latter. Anyway, I really don't feel like typing all of that crap again so I'll save it for next week.

Until then, what are your weekend plans? Will blogger eat these comments too? Grr.


Candyland. OUT.

Fear is the monster under my bed

I forgot how hard it is. To put yourself out there. To write, what you think, is your best. To be rejected. I don't miss this. The last couple of days, I've had a rush of fear. What if I made the wrong choice, leaving my agent? What if she was the only ONE who will give me a chance? What if I just threw away my dream?

Now, I'm not sure. About anything.

I'm sure there's a few of you out there who went through something similar. If so, tell me, how did you get through this initial period of "OMG WHAT DID I DO?"

I'm not sure what today brings, or tomorrow. I know that I have stories to tell and characters who are very real to me. I know when I saw my baby boy in an ultrasound at 5 weeks (when they said he wouldn't survive), I held on to the hope he'd fight. And here I am at 17 weeks, and he's healthy.

I know I don't give up easily, though it's been a bumpy ride and I'm running out of amazing agents to query. I know if I don't write, I feel empty. I know this process shouldn't be easy, but maybe it shouldn't be so hard, either...

The only thing for sure is, I know not where I belong, where I fit, this morning. Do you ever feel this way or is it just me?


Candyland. OUT.

I've got a fever...

And the only prescription is more cowbell.
(You're welcome).

More Cowbell! - watch more funny videos 

Candyland. OUT.

Dust yourself off: Sometimes crap happens

It's life. You can't control everything, as much as you may try. Oh, that's just me? Huh. Well over the past 5+ months, I've learned plenty of lessons whether I wanted to or not. Take what you from this, but I honestly believe everything happens for a reason and once those things are said and done, you're going to be SO much stronger.

On January 1st, I suffered my 2nd miscarriage.
A week or so later, I signed with my agent.
A month-two later, I was revising and still grieving.
Then I found out I was pregnant.
And I kept revising.
But something didn't feel right.
A couple of months thereafter, my agent and I decided to part ways.
But my baby is healthy and growing.

So you see, sometimes the bad is mixed with some good and the other way around. If I have any actual, useful advice for you, writer friends, it's this: NEVER SETTLE. EVEREVEREVER.

If you have a feeling things aren't right, no matter the situation, make it right. Life is too short to take "whatever you get." Strive for THE BEST. This is your career/baby/cupcake/whatever. You're not in control of everything, but you can control what you write, think and feel. And you can most definitely control how you act. Be classy, be confident, be courageous.

Now, I write you, humbly, as I begin the query process all over again. But this time, I feel free. And my bar is set even higher.

Tell me, friends, if in the same situation (and deargodpleaseno), will you start all over again, or wave the white flag? WHY?


Candyland. OUT.

Post MDay hangover of the emotional kind

So, yesterday was the the big M-Day. It was pretty much perfect (except when the hubs disappeared for an hour- when I was supposed to be enjoying my time-so he "and the offspring" could wax the vehicle; she was not interested). But I digress. Aside from that, I got the best presents in the last few days:

 

How about you? Did you celebrate a special Mother in your life? Did you eat delicious food like a GiGi's cupcake? Mmm...cupcake...


Candyland. OUT.

Feel Me up Friday: Waxing was invented by Hitler

It's been awhile since you've had your way with me so we're going to get straight to it. Mainly because I was up for HOURS last night with a sick baby and I can't see straight. So, go wash your hands. Use the cinnamon soap, not the apple, because the apple might make me ill today.

Random Fact: I attempted to wax some things a few weeks back... I should never have done that. Talk about traumatizing. I'll stick to razors and shaving cream, thanks.

Random Fact: I finished off a tub of chocolate frosting by my lonesome. Then, as I was eating some nuts (watch the jokes), the offspring ran away with them and kept repeating "I love my nuts!"

I hope it was good for you. It was just okay for me. With these swinging hormones and enlarged uterus, I never really feel completely into it. Ya know. Maybe next week I'll be SO into it. Or, maybe I'll be SO disinterested. Actually, I'm disinterested now. Tune in next week for some important, seriously-serious posts about CHANGES.

Other than getting knocked up, Candyland has been through the gamut here recently. Maybe you'll find something you can relate to, cherish and make your little pet. Or maybe I need to go to sleep before the goblins tell the unicorns I'm cucumber relish. Huh? Yeah.

Oh, and Happy Mother's Day to all you Mommies (and to you, Mother). We are the source of light, and all that crap. Seriously. We're pretty awesome. Not just for our super-human strength in child birth, but for all the kisses, hugs, night time tucks and everything in between. <3

Until Monday, friends, tell me, ever tried waxing? Ever eaten an entire ridiculous portion of something like frosting or nuts (and then felt like you were going to die)?

Candyland. OUT.

If you get swamp ass...

True story.

When I was in first grade, my teacher wouldn't let me go to the bathroom. So I peed all over myself. Whether by accident, or to make him pay, I really could have used something like this back then:

Come to think of it, I could use this every time I laugh, sneeze or cough, too...

Or, if you're a man, and I can think of a few, you may need something to dry up the area before a new pair of unders. For you, this:

Come to think of it, I could use this now that my area is becoming less and less reachable...

And for everyone who's ever had any kind of soiling accident, ass sweats or smell fests, I hear this is a great air freshener:

Come to think of it, I'm hungry for bacon now. Either that or I've just had another accident. I can't tell anymore.

Tell me, friends, have you ever had an embarrassing accident where you needed one of these products?


Candyland. OUT.

Growing a penis is hard work (pun intended)

Um, sorry for the absentee post yesterday. My bad.

As most of you know, I've been baking a bun in my oven for a few months now and as of today, we know this little pastry is sure to be of the male specimen. I know, because I saw the parts. Sure, I would be lying if I told you I didn't tear up at the sight of a man in my uterus. Because I love my princess SO much, I've been daydreaming of another little angel.

Actually, let me be honest (and when am I not?).

I cried. And cried. And cried. (And cried some more). After everything I've gone through (two losses in two years, one healthy princess), I know I should just shut up and be grateful for this miracle. And I am, believe me.

However, my heart breaks knowing all the dresses, baby dolls and pink blankies will be stuffed away. Until the hubs lets me have another. Or never. So today, friends, Imma hafta take a step back and let myself get used to the fact that there has been, in fact, a penis growing inside my body all these weeks, without my knowledge...

In the mean time, tell me, do you have a boy or girl human? What about pet? If you have both, how were they different? And you may want to keep your boy horror stories to yourself in my time of acceptance :)


Candyland. OUT.

My dog is crosseyed + I want bigger MOOBS

The A to Z challenge is officially over and O-M-G I'm SOOO ready to get back to my mindless, regularly scheduled postings. Okay, so, my A to Z posts were as mindless as all my others, but still. They lacked a certain flava. You know, that bittersweet taste of...what's the word...CANDY.

Welcome new friends, btw. You'll soon see, if you haven't already, this is a place for all. No matter your size, shape, or IQ, you can always come here and *know* you are sort of AMAZING.

Speaking of, throughout the challenge, there were some interesting search stats. Um, you all are weird.

There are no cons. Justin Bieber is definitely overrated. Don't doubt yourself, fellow searcher. 

 I am absolutely priceless. Unless you have an indecent proposal of sorts. In which case, I cost. A lot.

 I thought I did a pretty good job of keeping my sekrit project under wraps. Hrm...

 ......There are no words....I'm sorry your dog is cross-eyed...

Bigger is not always better, but to get bigger MOOBS, uh, eat more.

I love you, fellow weirdos. LOVE.

Tell me, what have you searched for lately? Anything weird? I won't tell.

Candyland. OUT.