I make stupid look good...or just stupid

Yesterday a milestone was reached, here in Candyland. No, I didn't sell my book to a top publisher for an un-Bertly amount. No, I didn't find eleventy billion [unclaimed] dollars in a trashcan at the market (that actually sounds like a trap...I ain't no fool). No, I didn't win an all-expense paid vacation to Bora Bora where dolphins play Canon in D through the setting sun. It's better than all that.

WHAT CAN BE BETTER THAN ELEVENTY BILLION DOLLARS AND DOLPHIN SAVANTS?

Well, nothing. Come to think of it, this post makes me want a Xanex and a box of wine. Let me break it down. Yesterday, I went to the bank's drive through. No makeup, and my hair looked like a nest. I was wearing whatever was in that pile by the closet. Clean...or not. Who knows. I had a crying baby in the backseat. When the canister was sent back, not only did I drop it out the window, but I couldn't open my door  to find it. Also, my envelope of money was gone. So, I pulled forward to see where it was, and in true Candyland style, I ran over it.

It was loud.

Through the car of laughing teens behind me, I got back in the car, hit reverse, got out of the car, and pulled the semi-smashed canister out from under the wheel. I ignored the snickering around me, though I'm sure I was a new shade of red (even for me). I put the canister back in it's hole but my money envelope was nowhere in sight. Through a line of crowded cars and some thought-provoking song playing in my mind, I put my hand above my brows and searched for answers in the sky. There may have been a honk or two, but I kept looking.

"God, if you're there, please let me stop looking like a donkey in front of these angsty teens. Oh, and where's my mother#@$*&^% money?"

In the distance I heard a voice. It was faint (through all that music and whatnot). I looked around as the voice got louder.

"IT'S UNDER YOUR TIRE," yelled angsty teen driver (laughing hysterically). "YOU RAN OVER IT."

I got back in the car, reversed a little more, swung open the door into the big metal pole (BANG) and squatted eye-level with the tire once more.

And there was my envelope.

I turned around to yell a big thank you to the angsty teen driver (or a big $$&* YOU), but he was too busy mimicking me to the angsty teen passenger...

So what milestone did I reach yesterday that's better than eleventy billion dollars + a violin playing dolphin savant in Bora Bora? Just a new level of ridiculousness/dignity loss, that's all. Don't hate.

I make stupid look good...or just...stupid.

Am I the only one who does these things or have you ever knocked over the biscuits?

Candyland. OUT.

Breakfast is...

DONE (and ruined).

...only me...

Candylandhungry. OUT.

Not just a pretty face

I'm not talking about me. Or Ryan Gosling. Or Sig (It's the dimple).

Over the past week, offspring #1 was in and out of the doctor with pneumonia, offspring #2 has been a fussbutt, and the hubs has been workworkworking while Candyland has taken care of everything between the cracks (both metaphorically and literally...yeah). I almost forgot what it's like to do things like, umm, wash my hair, paint my toenails, or even put my underwear on right (totally wore them inside out yesterday). It's easy to "get through" the day, instead of live it and love it. I mean, WHO DOESN'T appreciate the 17th diaper change and/or wiping a 5yo's nose-AT THE SAME TIME-while those few strands of vomit-streaked hair dangle up into your nose? Yeah, exactly. And then I saw this exciting news on FBook:


**Exciting life announcement!! 


I've accepted a new position with Joy2theWorld as the Executive Director of Microloans. Our goal is to double the size of our program in 2012 so we can fully fund our current clients' potential and also reach out to new communities of African women with our financial services.


I'll be in Ghana mid-December through January to help further develop the program, but I'm able to do a majority of this work remotely while touring with New Medicine. (Don't worry, Meds fans!) I'm humbled to be able to pursue two of my life's greatest passions simultaneously and truly thrilled to be apart of groups with such brilliant, motivated, and accommodating people. More to come!


You know who I'm talking about. Some people are pretty and some are just plain BEAUTIFUL (listen to this song...for real). With so much pain in the world, it's nice to know that a young rocker from small town MinnESoooowda has made it his mission to make the world a better place. Despite the fame. Despite the success. Despite the time commitment restraints between touring, recording and being awesome. I've done many posts about my friend, but I want to just say, I'm so proud. If one woman of Ghana  now has the means to make a sustainable living from the gift of a single micro loan, the dominos will fall and it's only a matter of time before they are all empowered.

Your voice will shed new light.

To anyone who thinks one voice isn't heard, think again. Speak. Do something good. Make the world a better bass face place. After seeing his beauty, I sure as hell want to. Be inspired, friends. Not just today, but everyday.

Which team are YOU on?

"Together we stand, divided we fall."
-Pink Floyd

TeamCandylandheartsBR80. OUT.

Jessical Bell literally rocks, yo. And so does free stuff.

FRIENDS! Today is completely special and not because the date consists of all 1's (though I've heard it's a lucky day so make those illegal bets, get the classiest lady of the night and/or query today. Yeah, do that instead). Today is THE day to help Jessica Bell's debut, STRING BRIDGE, hit the bestseller list on Amazon, and receive the all-original soundtrack, Melody Hill: On the Other Side, written and performed by the author herself, for free!

You know I wouldn't plug something I'm not completely stoked about and Jess is the real deal, sons. All you have to do is purchase the book today (paperback, or eBook), November 11th, and then email the receipt to:


jessica.carmen.bell(at)gmail(dot)com


She will then email you a link to download the album at no extra cost!

To purchase the paperback:

Amazon USA
Amazon UK

To purchase the eBook:

Amazon USA

Amazon UK

To listen to samples of the soundtrack, visit iTunes.

If you are not familiar with String Bridge, check out the book trailer:

Rave Reviews for String Bridge:

“Jessica Bell’s STRING BRIDGE strummed the fret of my veins, thrummed my blood into a mad rush, played me taut until the final page, yet with echoes still reverberating. A rhythmic debut with metrical tones of heavied dark, fleeting prisms of light, and finally, a burst of joy—just as with any good song, my hopeful heartbeat kept tempo with Bell’s narrative.” ~ Kathryn Magendie, author of Sweetie and Publishing Editor of Rose & Thorn Journal

“Poet and musician Jessica Bell's debut novel String Bridge is a rich exploration of desire, guilt, and the difficult balancing act of the modern woman. The writing is lyrical throughout, seamlessly integrating setting, character and plot in a musical structure that allows the reader to identify with Melody's growing insecurity as her world begins to unravel … String Bridge is a powerful debut from a promising writer, full of music, metaphor, and just a hint of magic.” ~ Magdalena Ball, author of Repulsion Thrust and Sleep Before Evening

“Jessica Bell is a brilliant writer of great skill and depth. She doesn't pull back from the difficult scenes, from conflict, pain, intensity. She puts it all out there, no holds barred, no holding back. She knows how to craft a scene, how to develop character, how to create suspense. This is an absolutely brilliant debut novel. I look forward to reading her next novel, and next and next.” ~ Karen Jones Gowen, author of Farm Girl, Uncut Diamonds and House of Diamonds

Stalk Jessica. Like now:

String Bridge: http://www.stringbridge.com/
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/jessica_bell
Website: http://www.jessicacbell.com/
Blog: http://thealliterativeallomorph.blogspot.com/
Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/author.jessica.bell
Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/MsBessieBell
Publisher: http://www.luckypress.com

Please TWEET and/or FACEBOOK this post using #StringBridge!


And then, when the dust settles, Tweet and/or FBook my blog using #teamcandyland. You will win nothing but the satisfaction of being a little more awesome. I will attempt to resume normal blogging next week...I will also attempt to hold my breath under water like David Blaine to break the record. No, no I won't. Just the blogging.


Happy day of 1's. Get lucky today. No, not like that. Well,...


Candyland*hearts*Jess. OUT.

CANDYDoppelGANGER

You've heard the old saying about everyone having a twin somewhere in the world, right? Personally, I've never seen mine, though I like to tell myself that JLo, Cheryl Burke, Sofia Vergara or Eva Mendes will someday see me and go "there's MY twin!" And it's only a coincidence they are all latin. When offspring #1 was little, she actually thought the Evanescence album cover of Amy Lee was me. Yeah, right. More like Russell Brand.

Or sometimes, even Bert...

But sometimes you see someone and HAVE to do a double take.

Is THIS the hubs?

Or THIS?

Or THIS?

Or THIS?

For those of you wondering, my husband is NOT a cat (I don't think), and he was NOT at the Alabama game this weekend. But dear BERT, there's his twin! Or maybe I live with the twin and that guy is my husband. Or maybe even my husband is the cat pretending to be a suckhole. I'm so confused.

Regardless...

Has anyone every said you look like someone, famous or not? Have you seen your doppelganger?


If you see Russell Brand, think of me, fondly.


Candyland. OUT.