Feel Me Up Friday: Saved

I am living my Plan A. There is no Plan B. 

If you remember back to the very beginning of this year, my life was filled with all sorts of emotional ups and downs as we welcomed our miracle baby into the world just a few months prior in October 2011. His medical issues were debilitating and left us in a dire financial and emotional state right around the time I lost my position at work.

Everything was falling a apart and I felt so incredibly helpless.

Thanks to a whole lot of giving hearts, my family was able to [kind of] catch up and find some semblance of stability as we tried to navigate our way through such a trying time. The months were long but sweet Baby S powered through and, as we near his 1st birthday (along with his big sister's 6th on the SAME DAY), I am so blessed and so grateful to have made through to the other side of all the worry.

No one should ever have to worry about how to pay for something their child desperately needs, but that is where we were, every day, hoping to afford the medicine and doctor visits that sweet doll required. Since all of that has happened, so many changes have come to be. My long-time position at phy.org disintegrated, I've written my memoir about the tedious search for my [deceased] birth father, and I've met some amazing people that have allowed me the opportunities to help provide for my family. All of that inspire me to start my own business, Words Like Candy, and become a full-time freelance writer and editor, doing what I love most: using the power of words to change someone's life.

Because words are power.

If you've ever doubted yourself, wondered if you have the strength to carry on after tragedy, loss, or pain, look deep inside and find the words to convey what you're feeling, or more so, what you're lacking.

It's coming up on the 3rd anniversary of my first miscarriage (September 29th, 2009), and while I'm feeling a combination of sadness and grief for the hole in my heart that can never be healed, I am also so grateful for the experience as a whole. It was that day my life changed...I CHANGED. I realized then how short life is and how fragile we all are for the tiny blip of memories we're allowed to create. I ache for that baby, but I understand now it was a part of my growth as a daughter, sister, wife, mother, and human being; all of which have strengthened my ability to find the words to evoke some sort of emotion, and hopefully, inspire others to do the same.

Even after that first loss, when the winds of change weighed heavy on my heart, I never gave up hope. And two years later, on New Year's Day, when I lost another baby, I still *knew* I was meant for something bigger. You all know it was only a few short weeks before I found out I was pregnant with Sweet Baby S, and he's been my eternal sunshine through the darkest of days.

My point is, no matter what obstacles you face, hold tight to your dreams and never let them go. Sometimes they serve as a rope to pull you up when you're sinking, as they did for me. Five years ago, when I married my husband, I never would have imagined I could be a stay-at-home mother of two beautiful babies while writing for other people and actually making money from it.

It's a dream come true.

Today, when you think of what you want for that brief second, between caring for your partner or washing the dishes, remember to keep reaching for the stars and never, EVER, give up hope.

Without hope, what do we have?

What are you hoping for today?

Candyland. OUT.