Friday, April 9, 2010

Feel me up Friday Awards: He did it, then confessed...

Something happened yesterday. Yes, something. I want to stress the importance of NEVER GIVING UP.

You've heard it, you've said it, but do you believe it?

My Sourcebooks high has started to wither and my old friend self-doubt has rented a room in my subconscious, nagging, dragging and tearing me down. I looked at my work and thought, " wonder no one wants this crap." Tossing it aside, I joined YaLitChat's Twitter chat Wednesday and realized just how many of us there are, trying to break through. My eyes stung from the many posts about queries, agents and everything in between. So many talented, aspiring authors, how could I possibly stand out?

I went to bed with more fear and negativity than I had in a long, long time, wondering if this really is one pathetic dream. My goals, to write books that say something and inspire my daughter to dream big, may be another pipe dream. Like the time I thought I could impress Bert. Or the time I thought I could win the Boyz II Men dance contest.

We see how well those panned out.

I want you to know, you're not alone. When you feel these things, these monsters, eating the faith in yourself away, just know I feel it too, despite my silly butt posts. I moped around most of the day yesterday after another query rejection. But then it happened. A surprise email from an agent, who found my blog, read my excerpt and SHE contacted ME.

Things like that don't happen to ME. They don't. Maybe something comes from it, maybe not, but the feeling was exactly what I needed to soldier on.

It's been a long year. Inspired by Kiersten White's brutal honesty, I'm stripping bare (but fully clothed) for this Feel Me Up Friday.

Random Fact: Much like Kiersten, I too have been trying to get another bun in my oven for some time now. I suffered a miscarriage last September at 5 weeks. Lost a part of my soul that day and haven't found it since. She struck a nerve when I read her post, and it's been sitting with me so I thought I'd get it out of my system. That's what we writers do, spill out pain/joy/etc into print.

My 3yo, Lilliana HOPE, is my reason for breathing. I live and I DREAM BIG, for me, as well as for her. Hopefully someday, we'll have the joy of welcoming another, be it a child, or my debut novel.

Random Fact (that isn't depressing): When I was fifteen, I dated a Mormon. He felt me up the day my appendix burst when I was home from school. Mom thought I was faking but I totally showed her! After I left the hospital I get a call from him saying we had to go to church. I thought, "fine, okay, whatever."

When we get there, he pulls me into a room. With the Bishop. To confess. We talked about said "feel-up" and promised never to do it again. Needless to say, I got a new boyfriend, who wasn't Mormon, if you know what I mean.

And onto bigger and better now that you've felt me up too. A new award! Thanks to Alliterative Allomorph, my fellow rocker chick, who passed this along. Now it's my turn to do the same.
But, there are rules. Ahem. 
-Every winner of the Prolific Blogger Award has to pass on this award to at least seven other deserving prolific bloggers. Spread some love!
-Each Prolific Blogger must link to the blog from which he/she has received the award.
 -Every Prolific Blogger must link back to This Post, which explains the origins and motivation for the award.
 -Every Prolific Blogger must visit this post and add his/her name in the Mr. Linky, so that we all can get to know the other winners.

And Winners are...
Casey McCormick
Matthew Rush
Middle Child
Sherry Salach
Tawna Fenske

Thank you to everyone who reads. You are all beautiful. Happy Friday.
Candyland. Out.


S.A. Larsenッ said...

This posts rocks, just like you. (Print out that email, post it all over you house, and don't really are special.)

Jessica Bell said...

Oh that's so amazing that an agent contacted you on her own accord! Oh MY GAHHHHHD! Can you send some of that positive vibe juice my way? PLEEEEEEEEASE???????

Talli Roland said...

WHOA THAT IS SO AWESOME! Massive, massive congrats!

Can't wait to hear more about what happens and all that! :) Keep us posted!

And Happy Friday. Now go celebrate!

Matthew MacNish said...

Shit. Thanks so much for thinking of me Candace, but I don't know how to do this! Arggh. I'll try to figure it out this weekend.

About your post thank you so much for sharing. Putting information out on the web that is personal on such a deep level takes a LOT of courage. You obviously have brass ... er ... guts.

So, CONGRATULATIONS on that agent finding your except. That is totally freaking awesome.

Shameless promotion:

I have an awesome guest post today on my blog by Cole Gibsen.

This one is pure query/submission gold folks in which she shares the ACTUAL query that landed her an agent and the correspondence that ensued.

Please stop by to read, comment and follow.


Matthew MacNish said...

I meant excerpt not except, oh well.

Captcha for this comment: chkinge

Made up definition: The sound the coins in your pocket make when you accidentally put your nice phone in the wrong pocket and you suddenly realize its screen just got scratched.

MeganRebekah said...

Thanks for being open and honest. Obviously it's never an easy thing to do, but I think it helps us grow as people.

(and I totally snickered at the mormon boyfriend dragging you into his confessions. too funny!)

lisa and laura said...

Don't let yourself get down! The odds of success are far greater for people who stick with it and grow as writers. You're one of those people.

I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Losing a baby is heartbreaking. I hope that you'll have good news to share with all of us soon. In the meantime enjoy your daughter!!

Have a fab weekend!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Wow. I am so impressed by your honesty and your courage and your continued faith. Hang in there, and good luck - both with the book and a baby.

Casey Something said...

Thank you for the award!!!!

I'm trying really hard not to say something like "Wow, I really enjoyed feeling you up!" *snort* So I'll, uh, go with the classier comment... I really enjoyed and appreciate your honesty. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. Keep trying for both babies, okay? Don't give up. And congrats on the request!


Wow, I don't know whether to congratulate you on the agent contact, hug you over your past miscarriage, or thank you for the blog mention.

So I'll do all of the above!

Can't wait to hear more about the agent.


P.S. The artist informed me he's almost done carving your lovely custom wine stopper!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Candy -- I'm so thrilled that an agent contacted you! I know darn well you are on the right path, even if it's not starting at the spot where you thought it would begin.

I'm sending you an electronic hug for the disappointments and heartbreaks of the past -- and I'm jumping up and down over the promise of the future!

Having been raised Catholic, I'll light a candle for you. BUT, having fallen away from Catholicism years ago, I'll light it in the feng shui "helpful people" corner of my home. ;) Doesn't hurt to cover all the bases!

middle child said...

Thank-you but I don't do awards. I am not that far along in blogdom to start with all that. But I am honored.

Sherry said...

Thanks for the award hun! And thanks for letting me feel you up lol :P

But on a serious note.. congrats on the agent contact and I wish you the best for the future! :)

Stina said...

Okay, that's a cool story about the agent. I hope everything goes well in baby making land. I've been there. I even tried accupuncture. Wow, what a high. I'm not sure if it worked . . . but I became pregnant two weeks later. ;)

Congrats on the award!

India Drummond said...

That bit about the mormon feel-up confession made me laugh out loud. Oh, I wish I could say I didn't know how you felt. Been there!

LR said...

Aw, what a nice post. Congrats on the agent contact. We need all the encouragement we can get! :)

Alyson said...

The boyfriend feel up confession random fact made me laugh out loud! That's not an easy thing to accomplish Sunday morning. Thanks!

And congrats on the agent contact! How fabulous!

Valerie Kemp said...

Ah, catching up with your blog in reverse! Thanks so much for the award!