Something happened yesterday. Yes, something. I want to stress the importance of NEVER GIVING UP.
You've heard it, you've said it, but do you believe it?
My Sourcebooks high has started to wither and my old friend self-doubt has rented a room in my subconscious, nagging, dragging and tearing me down. I looked at my work and thought, "Ughhh...no wonder no one wants this crap." Tossing it aside, I joined YaLitChat's Twitter chat Wednesday and realized just how many of us there are, trying to break through. My eyes stung from the many posts about queries, agents and everything in between. So many talented, aspiring authors, how could I possibly stand out?
I went to bed with more fear and negativity than I had in a long, long time, wondering if this really is one pathetic dream. My goals, to write books that say something and inspire my daughter to dream big, may be another pipe dream. Like the time I thought I could impress Bert. Or the time I thought I could win the Boyz II Men dance contest.
We see how well those panned out.
I want you to know, you're not alone. When you feel these things, these monsters, eating the faith in yourself away, just know I feel it too, despite my silly butt posts. I moped around most of the day yesterday after another query rejection. But then it happened. A surprise email from an agent, who found my blog, read my excerpt and SHE contacted ME.
Things like that don't happen to ME. They don't. Maybe something comes from it, maybe not, but the feeling was exactly what I needed to soldier on.
It's been a long year. Inspired by Kiersten White's brutal honesty, I'm stripping bare (but fully clothed) for this Feel Me Up Friday.
Random Fact: Much like Kiersten, I too have been trying to get another bun in my oven for some time now. I suffered a miscarriage last September at 5 weeks. Lost a part of my soul that day and haven't found it since. She struck a nerve when I read her post, and it's been sitting with me so I thought I'd get it out of my system. That's what we writers do, spill out pain/joy/etc into print.
My 3yo, Lilliana HOPE, is my reason for breathing. I live and I DREAM BIG, for me, as well as for her. Hopefully someday, we'll have the joy of welcoming another, be it a child, or my debut novel.
Random Fact (that isn't depressing): When I was fifteen, I dated a Mormon. He felt me up the day my appendix burst when I was home from school. Mom thought I was faking but I totally showed her! After I left the hospital I get a call from him saying we had to go to church. I thought, "fine, okay, whatever."
When we get there, he pulls me into a room. With the Bishop. To confess. We talked about said "feel-up" and promised never to do it again. Needless to say, I got a new boyfriend, who wasn't Mormon, if you know what I mean.
And onto bigger and better now that you've felt me up too. A new award! Thanks to Alliterative Allomorph, my fellow rocker chick, who passed this along. Now it's my turn to do the same.
-Every winner of the Prolific Blogger Award has to pass on this award to at least seven other deserving prolific bloggers. Spread some love!
-Each Prolific Blogger must link to the blog from which he/she has received the award.
-Every Prolific Blogger must link back to This Post, which explains the origins and motivation for the award.
-Every Prolific Blogger must visit this post and add his/her name in the Mr. Linky, so that we all can get to know the other winners.
And Winners are...
Thank you to everyone who reads. You are all beautiful. Happy Friday.