Tuesday, April 27, 2010

I'm a baaaddd mother-SHUTYOMOUTH

I had a special day with the offspring. First, we went the zoo (Petsmart), where we looked at lions and tigers,  (striped), various amphibians, exotic birds (one macaw), and schools of very rare fish (goldfish). Then, we went to the fancy mall (Target), where we shopped for hours (twenty minutes) and left with new makeup and lingerie (Hannah Montana undies. Size xx small).

After that, both tired and hungry, I fed the child a gourmet meal (Lunchable) and desert (mini Kit Kat bar). Such a busy day, the little tyke went right to sleep (took forty freaking minutes) and slept for three glorious hours (forty-five freaking minutes), so I could get some writing done (none).

I've got to admit, I'm really missing the whole band scene at this exact moment, as I sit in sweats with no make-up and my hair in need of a good scrub. As I said yesterday, the days bleed into each other, sitting, waiting. I hate the waiting. Life is so short, I constantly feel like I'm missing out on something while I wait. Sure, I enjoy stay-at-home-mommy hood and I wouldn't trade it. But I wonder, when did I stop being a guitar wielding, short skirt-wearing, social butterfly and become a pull-up toting, stretchy waistband sporting, hermit?

Some days I feel I've lost parts that made me, me. Others, like when my husband holds my hand, my daughter says "I wuv you," or when Bert sings to me, I feel more alive than ever. But what about the time in between? The time I check my email every ten seconds and it's still empty, waiting. The time I cook dinner, to eat alone, waiting on my husband to get home. The time I post my blog, waiting on comments. The time I enter a contest, or two or seven, to see if I've even come close, waiting.

The only thing, constant and true to who I am, other than music, motherhood and wife, are writing and waiting.

Now the beauty is playing quietly (running through the house with a hula hoop, chasing cats), so Mommy can finish her chapter (start a chapter/potato/po-TAH-to). When I'm done, we'll go into her playroom and dress the Barbies (who are always naked for some reason) and have loads of fun (when she's not swatting me with their synthetic hair). All in a day's work for this gal. Mother. Writer. Superhero (a tired one) with superpowers (the amazing ability to make a time-out appear in seconds).

Is there something you miss about yourself? What's constant in your life?

Candyland. OOUUTTTTTT. (and still waiting)
Ps. If you can't tell, I'm waiting! In the meantime, please send me pics for Friday's dedication. Don't be scared.


MeganRebekah said...

LOL! Love this post. Especially taking yuor daighter to the "petting zoo"!

Jaydee Morgan said...

I, too, loved your adventure. As for the waiting part, I agree, it sucks.

No matter what we have, I think we all feel like we're missing something. When I worked at home, I missed the social aspect of an outside job (kids don't count in the social aspect). Now that I work outside the home, I miss my time there.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Cute stories. :)

I miss my 19-year-old body. But don't we all? lol.

Talli Roland said...

I miss being trendy and buying loads of clothes and shoes. That sounds so sad, but it's true. Now I don't buy anything 'cause I'm so broke and I have nowhere to wear it, anyway. But... I'm happy!

Maybe you need to get out to the park? (hehe!)

Matthew Rush said...

Um Candace, doesn't the mini kit-kat come in the Lunchable? I don't think that really counts.

Now I'll go back and keep reading.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

I had to laugh at your first paragraph. You and I go to the same zoo. But you can't beat the price of admission. :D

Writing is the constant in my life. I'm not sure if there's something I miss. I'm happy where I am right now. :D

Matthew Rush said...

Okay I'm done. Cool post Candace.

I too used to be cool, once upon a time. It's kind of bittersweet though, as you pointed out. Things are great now, steady job, bills all paid, time to write ... but I do miss being young and popular and full of energy.

Hell I'm only 33, old is just a state of mind anyway. I'll break out the turntables and vinyl sometime soon if you break out the guitar and skirts.

Amanda J. said...

Hey man, Target = LOVE. I'm a 20yo college student, and I approve this blog post. (I miss being as sarcastic as I was in high school. I had to cut back since no one could tell if I was joking or not. I'm just that awesome. :/ )

The Alliterative Allomorph said...


Um ... "But I wonder, when did I stop being a guitar wielding, short skirt-wearing, social butterfly and become a pull-up toting, stretchy waistband sporting, hermit?"

yeah - that's me.

Also, holy moly I reckon you'd really like my novel (not bragging - but my protag is so much like you. HA!

Here's the logline: Jane’s a devoted mother and a hard-working wife, dedicated to her day job, but still harbouring hopes of becoming a rock star. With her guitar in her hands she feels real—but as she reaches for her dreams, one moment shatters her world for ever.

If you ever wanna read it. You're so welcome to. :)

Kelly said...

Your adventures sound like mine!
Though now that my two oldest are in school and youngest in preschool, I can actually go to Target by myself for an hour. It will happen one day, really it will.
I know being a stay at home mom seems monotonous at times, but one day you will miss those times so much!! I started writing to fill the creative void, so I am glad you have too (though the waiting is hard!). Thank goodness for that and thank goodness for a concert to scream out the energy every once in a while too!

Creepy Query Girl said...

hunny, I coulda written this post m'self. I was 'sahm' for four years before going back to work part time. I'm still home a lot though, taking care of our last before she heads off to french preschool next year. What do I miss about myself? I have no social life. I'm too lazy, so some of it is my fault. Hubby works nights and weekends so friday and saturday are just 'other days' of the week. I miss being able to cut loose. I miss having something to look forward to.

Lola Sharp said...

Yes, this post is very relatable! And darlin', it doesn't get any better as you get older.

My naked-barbie-weilding daughter is now 14, has a boyfriend and looking at colleges. How the hell that happened, I don't know.

I STILL feel like I'm 21 and dancing on top of the bar.
But I'm a little long in the tooth for that action. ;)

Welcome to the club.

Elana Johnson said...

Dude, I can so feel you on the waiting. SO SO SO MUCH. I hate waiting, but, yeah. There's no but. It sucks all around. Majorly.

Try to make your "in-between" life your real life, instead of your "waiting life" your real life. That's the only thing that's kept me sane. And even that's debatable. Ha!

Jen said...

Your day sounded fabulous! What a lucky little tyke to get to all these wonderful and exotic places!!! LOL

Waiting has got to suck, I'm not even to that point yet but I think I can imagine the feeling (kind of). Hang in there and maybe some of the tips I gave today can help the time fly by... if not I guess you could drink copious amounts of wine and drown it all out.

I would consider the first option and then half of the second option... no need to be a drunk!

Anne said...

I know what you mean!!! (stay at home mom w/2 kids) I can send you an email if you want. Maybe I can even find some silly pictures of old ladies in hats or even cats in hats. Not the kind of email you're waiting for?

Tawna Fenske said...

Want to know a dirty secret? The waiting thing never, ever stops.

Even now with an agent and a three-book deal, I've been waiting on pins and needles for a week to hear if anything's going to happen with a new submission my agent is hoping to sell for me. I almost pee myself every time the phone rings.


Carolyn V. said...

I miss being able to pig out and still stay thin. But I'm much wizer now...I mean wiser (okay, mabey not). =)

Shannon said...

Loved this post.

While I still catch glimpses of the younger me, my day-to-day existence looks vastly different.

I don't usually quote song lyrics, but I can't help but think of John Lennon's Beautiful Boy, "Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans."

Enjoy the wait as best you can. :)

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Waiting does suck. Un-published, pre-published, and post-published -- it seems like there's more waiting than actual writing taking place.

And no matter what I'm working on at any given time, I feel guilty about all the other things I'm not doing.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Listen to Elana - her comment is brilliant! In fact, I think I'LL listen to her, too. LOL!! :-)

Linda G. said...

Ah, the suckage of waiting. I can so relate.