Tuesday, May 25, 2010

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy...

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd weigh a hell of a lot less. No snacking. No ice cream. No food that tastes yummy because it wouldn't be worth it. No salt (I can't retain water in the bikini I'd squeeze my lard ass into). No embarrassing food stuck in my teeth which means no constant mirror checks after meals, which means more time to ogle (my clean pool).

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd write more. Well, I'd actually write less. It's kind of the same. Unless I wrote about taking a dip into his ripples when the summer heat beat down on upon us, skin glistening, hearts afire. Maybe I should turn the AC on and grab a notebook.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd have more money. No pointless grocery store trips for things like pull-ups and Oreos. No McDs. No...wait. It sounds like all I do is eat.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy, I'd invest in a treadmill. I'd...I'd...Ehh. Scratch that.

If Taylor Lautner were my pool boy...I guess...I'd have to get a pool :/

It's possible I've fried my brain. I'm still *twinkling* over Elana's news, recovering from the contestes (hehe), and dealing with a headache from my (worsening) asthma. Soooooo, hopefully tomorrow I'll be "right" again. If I was even close before.

Until then...

Who'd you want cleaning your pool? (things that sound dirty but aren't)

Candyland. OUT.

27 comments:

Linda G. said...

LOL! I think I'd have to go with George Clooney. A little gray, not quite as ripped, but still yummy. And probably not as hard to keep up with physically. ;)

But (sadly) what I mainly want to know after reading your post is, what's a pull-up?

Candyland said...

Hahaha. A pull-up is a toddler training diaper. You know, for pottying?!!

George is delicious too. An older version of Taylor. And keep up? I think I could manage. Mmm... (sorry hubs)

salarsenッ said...

Mmmm...you made me smile. *Blushing childishly*. Good gosh....

Clive Owen. Yeah, a little scruffy but did you see him in King Arthur??? OMFreakingWord...when she wrapped her legs around him and...'K, shutting up now.

I need a shower.

Matthew Rush said...

Cleaning my pool? I would like Chewbacca please.

Oh, and speaking of TL has anyone seen Sharkboy and Lava Girl ? The film is a classic!

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

LOL! Sorry you're feeling bad :( I'm sending you kisses xx

Falen said...

do we have to pick just ONE pool boy?

Dawn said...

Taylor Lautner is a wise choice, indeed. However, I'd have to go with Ian Somerhalder. Yeah, yeah, I know, he isn't the best actor. But he wouldn't need to act if he was cleaning my pool - unless he wanted to act as my "mister" - YUM.

Danica Avet said...

I'd most definitely have to say Gerard Butler. After seeing him in that...loincloth thingy for 300, I'm so infatuated, he might be looking to put a restraining order on me. Even if I do lust from a distance and mostly online and in my dreams. If he were my pool boy though...I'd have to change his title to pool MAN and get a pool and a camera and have full-body liposuction...but I'm okay with just daydreaming ;)

Amparo Ortiz said...

This is hilarious!!

My pool boy would be the now-married Jensen Ackles--there's no way I'm ever gonna get over that man.

Kelly said...

Oh, man. If I had a pool boy like that (or a pool), I think I'd be skinnier too. And distracted.
I think I'd like Matthew McConaughey to clean my pool on Mondays and Joel McHale to clean it and crack jokes on Fridays.

Tahereh said...

LOOOOL

*falls out of chair laughing*

Kristi Helvig said...

I'll just borrow your pool boy on his days off - if you give him any, that is! :)

Talli Roland said...

I'm drooling! A lot! Slurp.

I'd want, hm, Daniel Craig. Oh yeah!

Kasie West said...

Uh, yeah, he's hot. (And he's legal now) Thanks for that pic. :)

The Urban Cowboy said...

I'll pass on a pool boy...but I'll send some cowboy mojo your way.

Jaydee Morgan said...

It's because of these types of posts that I'll never be allowed to get a pool - nope, the man would never go for a hunky pool boy like that.

Feel better soon!!

Jojomama said...

You most def picked my under age fave. Haah! But, truly I would LOOOOVE Wolverine to clean my pool.

Kierah Jane Reilly said...

Everytime I see Taylor Lautner, I can't get over the fact that he's Shark Boy. All growed up. If I could pick anyone to be my pool boy, I'd choose Ricci Luyties, the 1990 version.

Karen Amanda Hooper said...

Channing Tatum. Hands down.

He's also a badass dancer, so after we danced up a sweat we could cool off in the water.

Well, with Channing I don't think I'd ever cool off, but you know what I mean. ;)

Creepy Query Girl said...

Oh my. He'd do just fine. Although I do have kind of a thing for Ian Somerhwhateverhisnameis from Vampire diaries. He could clean my pool anytime. lol.

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I want Josh Holloway to clean my pool. I want him to give me a nickname (Blue Eyes would be okay) and say "Son of a Bitch!" when the dog catches the Polaris and chews its wheels off.

Unless, of course, my husband is reading this. Then, I'm very happy with the pool boy I have, thank you very much. :D

Blee Bonn said...

Uh, definitely Gerard Butler, for me. :)

Clara said...

Although Taylor is inarguibly hot, I´d like a guy over 18 to clean my pool, please.
Shame on you Candy! =)

Zauzeti said...

interesting blog:)

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Okay, how did I miss this one yesterday. :(

Yep, I'd get a lot less writing done if he was my pool boy.

Elana Johnson said...

Oh my yum. I'd like a pool and a pool boy please.

And thanks for the shout-out. You are such a great friend.

Maurice Mitchell said...

If he was my pool boy I'd start working out too...just to keep my wife from getting ideas. ;)