Monday, June 28, 2010

Toilets LOVE this girl

I did something stupid.

Okay, a few something stupids. Friday night was the first time in awhile I was ready, willing and able to (as my best dude would say) tie one on. Apparently when I go, I go big or go the hell home. Mix an insane amount of alcohol (for me) with what appears to have been food poisoning and you have an entire Saturday of up-chucking.

I couldn't keep water down. Dehydrated and weak, we called the nurse line (per the back of our insurance card) who gave me this helpful information.

"Drink water. Keep it down. Feel better."

Yeaaaahhhhthanks. Saturday night at 7:15pm was the last bit of nothing pumped from my intestines, and so far, I'm better. Through all of this, something that only happens to Candyland, happened. Remember when I told you about my toilet glasses, yeah well...

Friday, I dropped my phone in the effing toilet.

I have no words for what a filth-mongering toilet-magnet I've become. Oh the good old days are long gone; the days I never dropped things in toilets...

But, it wasn't all bad. The highlights of the weekend, though, far outweigh the pain and humiliation of throwing up in the driveway.<---gross

Best Parts:
-Best dude and hubs joined forces to fix my toilet phone. It works, but after answering a call, I now know what it means to be considered a pea pee-brain. HA.
-Even through the trashcan and toilet hovering, my beautiful offspring rubbed my hair and told me repeatedly to "feel better" and "throw up in the trashcan, not in the bed."
-I lost about twenty pounds by the looks of what came up.
-I literally was aloud to lay around and do nothing. What an odd experience. I don't recommend it.
-Though I don't know the exact food culprit that spawned this, I've vowed to eat better (kind of) (let's not push it) (who are we kidding, i'll have a reece cup by noon)
-I had an excuse not to exercise (like I need one of those)
-I know for sure my best dude is exactly that for a reason. Though we test each other often, when it comes down to grit (helping drunkie walk, hugging her mid-vomit before he leaves), he takes care of me.
-I know for absolute sure the hubs truly loves me after 1) childbirth 2) my brief fascination with the Jonas Brothers 3) watching me vomit all day and never flinching while taking charge of our baby and the house.

So, friends, Candyland is still recovering but happy to report I may have some answers this week. Yeah answers!
Until then, tell me about the time you were too sick to stand...(or blog. Yikes!)

Candyland Out<--literally my system is completely empty. I swearz.

23 comments:

Matthew Rush said...

If you couldn't keep even water down it sounds like alcohol poisoning - unless it was just the food poisoning. Either way that sucks.

Linda G. said...

Aw, man. That sounds miserable. Worshipping at the porcelain altar is no fun at all. Hope you're completely recovered soon. :)

salarsenッ said...

Recover, my trusty friend. You probably won't believe me but yesterday was my eh...umff, toilet day. I never hurled but the reasons why not to drink too much quickly came back to me as I couldn't get the rock concert to turn off in my head. I was dizzy, almost passed out at Mass, and my stomach was on fire.

We had been to a graduation party in the neighborhood. There holds the problem. We simply walked across the street. No driving involved. Hee...

Hope you feel better.

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

Oh my gosh! I'm glad you're feeling better now! You husband sounds like a sweet heart. And Lilliana, a very rational being with her head screwed on straight :o) hehehe

I've had many incedents like this and I do not like to remember ...

Kelly Breakey said...

C-

It sucks when all you wanna do is lay at the base of the toilet and keep your face pressed to it because the cold porcelain feels so good.

I would not know as I have never had such an experience. Okay, maybe one.

On another note, I am so glad that was you and not me. See how supportive I am?

The Urban Cowboy said...

I think the last time I hugged the porcelain friend was 20 years ago and vodka was the culprit.

Glad you're feeling better, have you tried coconut water? The stuff is awesome.

And whats up with leaving things behind for the toilet? Too funny...lucky your phone still works. :)

Anne said...

Oh yuck! I've been there and I also happened to wash my phone that night. Wine Box night.

Alesa Warcan said...

Yikes! Hope you feel better after your ordeal. Rest well...

Jen said...

On Candyland you poor thing... yuckiness all around! Glad to see that you are a recovering and being the optimist you are you were able to see all the positives! That isn't easy being bent over the toilet with your hair tied up and the little one scolding you for times the bathroom was unreachable!

Dianne K. Salerni said...

I've had food poisoning, and it's not fun! My husband and I were stricken with vomiting almost simultaneously about 3 hours after eating cheese nachos at our local movie theater. We had to call my parents -- my mother watched our children while my father drove us to the ER. I actually saw my father run a red light!

The doctor said it was the kind of food poisoning you get when a food handler does not wash his/her hands after using the toilet.

That was TMI for me!

I hope you feel better. But I would trade in my phone, if I were you.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Ugh! You poor thing! I can't remember the last time I was that sick, but I'm sure I was in college. But I'm prepare now for the next time it happens, cuz you told us the magical cure - drink water, keep it down, feel better. No problem, right? right?! Didn't think so.

Lydia Kang said...

Ack! I'm glad you're feeling better! Geez. Poor you. Poor phone!!!

Lenny said...

wow miss candace you said that so good that it got me feeling sick. ick! ha ha. now i hope you got past it and feel lots better. yep a reecee peanut butter cup means youre feeling better for sure. :)
...hugs from lenny

Creepy Query Girl said...

Um, mine was last month. It was our friends birthday so we headed into the city for the night and had too much...everything. I can proudly say it wasn't a hair holding moment but I'm pretty sure I was still drunk when I woke up and then had to walk (more like stumble) to my driving lesson. Thank god the monitor didn't catch on...

Talli Roland said...

Oh no... it's a horrible feeling. I experienced it just three short weeks ago. My husband and I got free tickets to a gala being held just a short walk away. It was a really hot night, no AC of course (this being London) and I guzzled the wine like there was no tomorrow. (What can I say, it was free! And I was hot!) Anyway, I was fine until I got home and the spins started. I made it to the toilet before upchucking the lovely hors d'oeuvres.

I'm 36 for God's sakes. When will I learn?

Kelly said...

Oh, man! I hope you had lots of fun until the puking started!
Thankfully I don't get sick from drinking (puking...or course there has been some hangovers).
My story is I had to leave early on the first day of a summer job because I was hung over and feeling sick (though I told my parents another story!).

Tahereh said...

oh my god! so happy you're better!!

and yes, at least now you know what amazing people you have in your life.

*hugs tight*

Carolyn V. said...

Nooo! I hate, Hate, HATE being sick (and especially throwing up!) I hope you feel super better soon! =)

Jaydee Morgan said...

Well that was definitely sucky advice.

Hope you feel better soon and glad to hear the phone still works. And for the record, I hope never to be that sick that I cannot blog ;)

Vicki Rocho said...

Eek, what a memorable weekend! Kudo's to hubs for stepping up to the plate.

I don't give mine any sympathy when he's hung over...but I would for the food poisoning.

Glad you're feeling better!

Dawn said...

It's not the last time (by a long shot) but it is the most memorable. Grade 9 grad. Me, a bottle of Malibu Rum and a farewell to junior high...and a lovely visit to the hospital with a couple of my besties. Alcohol poisoning. Angry, angry parents. And a LOT of vomit.
I feel for you, sugar. Hope you feel better.

Shannon said...

Aww sorry to hear about your pukey adventure. Hope you're feeling better. <3

Tawna Fenske said...

Ugh, sorry you got so sick. Hate that! My poor hubby has also had to deal with more than one "never shoulda had that last drink" moments, and for some reason he's still sticking around.

Feel better!
Tawna