Wednesday, April 21, 2010

All is we have is now. And Bert. Always Bert.

Loss is universal. We've all lost something at some point. When my husband was little, he lost his stuffed bunny, Ra. A few months back, my daughter let a balloon slip through her fingers in the store. At different times in my life I've lost a number of things: self-respect, patience, innocence, belief, faith, friends, family, boys, cats, ideas, money, courage, fear, and even love.

I think loss is something we all relate to because there's so many different levels of gray, whereas happiness is a little more black and white.

Level 1: Loss of patience
End of your rope, about to implode, explode or corrode kind of attitude sinkage. You know the feeling. When you wake up to your 3yo having scooped your sweet fish into her play nets and dragged them across the floor, followed by dumping their water all over the kitchen followed by stirring water into the sugar and flour containers. That kind of patience loss. Or in Mamie the Cat's case, having 3yo poke and prod her when she's attempting her beauty rest.

Level 2: Loss of personal space
People are everywhere. And if you have children, they find you no matter where you hide (believe me). I'm kind of a hermit, pounding away at my keyboard, socializing with people across the web because, well, they're not here in my face the way 3yo is, with Polly-Pee-Pants-Pocket.

Level 3: Loss of senses like vision or limbs
Inspired by Girl With Glasses author, Marissa Walsh (and one of the coolest literary chicks in town), I've learned to embrace my glasses. They're a part of me now. Though, not super comfortable when dancing, showering, schlepping, shooting laser beams from pupils, winning eye pageants, or other various eye-centered activities, but they're mine and they rock.

Level 4: Loss of place
I don't know about you, but it pretty much sucks when you feel like you have to play guitar, so you lay down on a park picnic table, only to have a huge ass tree land between your legs.  Just me?

Level 5: Loss of sanity
Writing makes me crazy. Crazy makes me write. Make me write crazy. Me write make crazy.

Level 6: Loss of life
I kid, mostly, but this post was inspired by the recent death of an old friend + the ever present memory of my father. In the everyday grind, it's easy to miss moments, take things for granted, assume you'll live forever. But the truth is, right now is all that's certain. The past is gone, stuck in your memory and tomorrow promises nothing. Life is stuck on fast forward, the moments flying by. Dream your dreams, work hard to make them happen through sunshine and rain and above all else Never. Lose. Yourself.
"Cut the line to make me feel alive"
-The Used

What have you lost recently? 
Share with me, then press play. 
Because you're not alone.

-Candyland. Out.


Jaydee Morgan said...

Hmm, I've lost all of those things - some more recently than others.

Lately, though, I've lost my drive to muddle through a WIP. Hopefully, with the second one, I'll find new inspiration.

Love this post!

Matthew Rush said...

God you're funny Candace.

I love reading your posts even when they're bittersweet.

Crazy me makes write.

Tahereh said...

a beautiful post. more proof of your ever-present awesomeness.


Creepy Query Girl said...

Good post. What have I lost? I don't know. It depends. When it comes to getting my french driving permit I think I've lost hope/motivation/and self confidence. In all other matters, I s'pose I'm doin alright.

Patti said...

I can totally relate to that personally space issue. I can get really ansy if I don't get some time to myself.

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

I relate to the personal space issue too.
What have I lost? The innocence of believing you write a novel and and your work is

Talli Roland said...

Great post! I can't stand it when I lose my personal space, which I seem to do almost every month when any one of my overseas friends 'is coming through London for just a few days and would love to see me. Oh, and do you mind if I crash in your flat?'

Gr. While it's nice to see them, I really treasure my own space!

Carolyn V. said...

Great post! I'm just learning to embrace my glasses. *sigh* As long as I don't lose my hearing (I'd better turn my iPod down a little).

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

That's a very beautiful post, Candace. Plus you made me laugh out loud with the tree between legs thing!

Well, I think I've lost all sense of relaxation. I go to bed and wake up with crazy stiff shoulders. No massage or bath will soothe. No fair. I just want to go to bed and stop THINKING!

Elana Johnson said...

This is a great post, even if that sounds weird. I think sometimes it's good to be reminded of the things we've lost so we can remember all that we have. At least that's what I'm doing right now.

beth said...

Beautiful, bittersweet post (so stealing that word from Matt).

Loss makes us better, in some ways, but is never easy to deal with. Not if it's true loss. True loss is something that, like you said, is ever-present and shapes who we become.

Sheri Larsenッ said... we have a problem??