Tuesday, April 20, 2010

The Motherload hath cometh...

My sweet, sassy blog gurrrl, Tawna Fenske had a contest awhile back. Some of you may remember, some of you, Bert help you, missed out. To re-cap the once-in-a-lifetime contest, READ HERE and be prepared to gasp.

Gasping yet? How about your pulse, is it racing? Well I don't blush easily, and neither does Tawna so lucky for me, Matt the Cat drew my name. Remember?
Matt's THE dude of all dudecats
Okay. Now that we're all caught up.Yesterday, after an exhausting night of barely sleeping, my droopy eyes peered into the mailbox where this had arrived:
Hello. I'm Mr. Stop. I clog up your liquid alcohol in a smutty fashion.

Well, not EXACTLY like this, but unlike Tawna, I don't write offbeat romantic comedies so I'm not sure I could get away with the thing in all its, err, natural glory. So anyway, thank you Tawna for this prestigious award. I'll be sure to put it front and center when company comes.

Aside from hand-carved body parts in my mailbox, you can run over to Choco's blog where I guested, spilling the ultimate guide for concert-goers.


I'm still recovering from love bubbles in my belly from Bert, and plan to see him again this weekend. Wow. Sounds like we're in a relationship. Pretty sure that's called psychotic (but I don't think I care). Music is a funny thing. It makes you fall in love with the person behind the words. Something I can only dream of doing with my novel(s). Maybe soon, I'll be someone's Bert. *unrolls the pouty lip*

How about you? If you had a phallic wine stopper, would you display in front of company? More importantly, can I be *your* Bert?


Candyland (and Mr. Stop)
OUT.

16 comments:

Jen said...

Depends which guests I was inviting over, if it were relatives such as aunts & uncles then no it wouldn't be something I would have out, however if it's friends or my close family members then hell yeah! They get my personality!!!

Of course you can be my Bert! I'm thinking after this you'll have the chance to decide who gets to be your bert, I think you'll have plenty of takers, LOL

Matthew Rush said...

Okay, I feel like I'm missing something. I'll have to go read your links.

Jaydee Morgan said...

*Laughs* That is too funny!!

I'm already known to embarrass my kids enough - if I left that out on display in my home, I'm sure it would disappear.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Er, probably not. The one person who'd apprecitate is the one person I don't invite over. You know, the person who goes through your bathroom to check out your birth control. Obviously my husband's twisted friend.

Lisa and Laura said...

Yeah, I feel like that wine stopper might sort of clash with our current decor. Of course, it would have the added benefit of scaring off potential playdates for my kids. Less work for me! Ha!

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Haha, great post.

Would I leave it out? Hmmm, that depends on who visits. If I had a phallic wine stopper my friends would get a huge laugh out of it. My parents....maybe not so much ;)

Candyland said...

See I was thinking I could leave it out to keep people out...easily offended? then don't come (eww that sounded gross too. stopper has my mind turned to filth)

Carolyn V. said...

I think I might scare my neighbors away with that thing. Hum...that might be a good idea. (j/k neighbors). =0

LR said...

Wow lucky you. :) Looks great with the hat on it!

Kristi Helvig said...

It would totally depend on who was visiting - I wouldn't want to give my parents a coronary. :)

Talli Roland said...

Of course I would! Wine and phallic symbols, what could be better?

Tawna Fenske said...

I love the way you've outfitted it!

I must admit, when the artist handed it off to me (in a Starbucks, no less!) I was a little alarmed. Then I was almost jealous. Your schlong is even nicer than my original schlong.

Er, you know what I mean.

Tawna

Caitlin said...

I was fully prepared for graphic stoppage. LOVE the Marx ensemble! Seriously laughed out loud.

Candyland said...

Tawna, my husband might have felt the jealousy twinge as he said "saw your award."

Caitlin, thanks for stopping by on my smuttiest day:)

Linda G. said...

I have almost gotten over my jealousy that Matt the Cat chose your name instead of mine. And I love the way you dressed your schlong. Much better than I would have, so you are in fact the better schlong recipient. :)

Matthew MacNish said...

Nope. Not good enough. I can't tell what the hell is going on behind Mr. Nuts. I want real evidence.

Tell Erik I'll kiss that thing's mushroom head if he scores the caps next time.