Wednesday, June 23, 2010

Candyland Six Months Later: So are we dating now or what?

My missing post is here. The first ever Candyland experience I accidentally deleted a few days back. I don't know if you've missed me (I effing hope so), but I missed you fo sho. I hope you checked out Creepy and Anne's posts. If you didn't, please list your name in the comments so I can give you a virtual swipe.

No, it is not for pleasure. Buuutttt, I'll let it slide as long as you're here right now, my lovlies. So today's post is a blast from the past, but in present time. Weird, I know. I'm still dealing with the loss of Phil Harris on Deadliest Catch, so talk amongst yourselves for the remainder of this post (unless you're being punished with a swipe)...

Enjoy. 

So, I've debated doing this for some time now. You know, sharing my thoughts with the world in a place where I can never ever ever take them back (ever). But as some of you know, I've been hard at work on my first novel for an entire year now, and I'm realizing more than ever that:
a) I'm losing my mind a little
b) Getting published is not a means to an end, but hopefully a lifelong career (even if it pays in peanuts)
c) Being a stay at home mom of my one beautiful princess often leaves me too drained to form a sentence, but I still have the overwhelming urge to write
d) I'm losing track of what's important here. Obviously it's finding a way to meet Steven Tyler. I'd settle for Joe Perry, though...
Writing has always been an escape for me like it has for most people. Though it's difficult to find the right avenue for which to apply it. I picked up my first guitar at 14 and started with the usual suspects: lyrics I obviously thought rocked enough to get me magically signed, and poetry I obviously thought could get me some kind of sensitive, emotional boyfriend who would listen and cry as much as I did (hormones). I did get an offer of representation some years later from a small label in California and I did get that emotional, sensitive boyfriend. 
Turns out after all the searching, neither was a good fit for me. I was always excited for my creative writing class in high school, though lacked the same enthusiasm for the periods of blocked time (in which I was required by law to attend) I merely referred to as "the others." I never had a problem making friends, but I was never popular, either. An oxymoron at its best, everyone knew me, but no one did. It was clear that I was bound to straggle off onto my own path, alone.
Sharing the same lackluster attitude towards Ms. Weaver's commander-style demands and bowl-shaped haircut just wasn't enough to form a lifelong kinship with all those who had a plan for their lives. I just settled into accepting the way my life was forming, blank and restless, yet unsure. It was good enough in high school. But I wanted more. 
I was a daydreamer. A wishful thinker. Full of hope,(or full of something). And then graduation came, which I barely made it to, and I realized I had no goals. No aspirations beyond the dreams. No future. I married my high school sweetheart two months after being cut loose from the grips of higher education, hoping, I guess, to ride on his coattail for awhile until I figured it out. He had so much potential until, well, me. Problem was, I didn't know how to figure it out.
 I continued singing and playing my guitar everywhere I could manage, working every job under the sun from telemarketer to vacuum sales to house cleaner. I was never satisfied. There was a nagging feeling I was meant to do more but I ignored it. Blame it on laziness, or blame it on fear. Either way, it got me nowhere. As my marriage fell apart four years in, amazingly, so did the nothingness. The desire to do something only grew stronger the longer I was on my own and you know what? I owe it all to the one who made it all possible. My childhood cat, Boo-Boo.
Boo-Boo was an ass. A rebel. He never did what anyone wanted him to, until he wanted to. He'd sit in the driveway, grinning from ear to little cat ear, while Mom would honk for him to move for a good five minutes, or until someone would get out and physically remove him. Even then he'd wander back to the same spot just out of aggravation of having been moved. He lived life on his own terms and never apologized for it. A lesson I'm only starting to appreciate.
have to believe my novel will razzle and dazzle an agent this year, and it will be published, (she chants repeatedly), and I will never (well, I'll try not to) doubt the power of daydreaming, wishful thinking, or hope ever again. Thank you Boo-Boo. And thank you sensitive boyfriend, (who cheated on me). And thank you awful record deal. And first husband for setting me free to spread my wings. But most of all, thank you to me.
For having the guts to find myself through a forest of shady trees and naysayers. For sticking to my guns and most of all...NOT GIVING UP!
Welcome to Candyland, baby.
So now you know how it all came about. The Wizard has been revealed (not really but I'm tired) and hopefully you feel a little closer to feeling me up on Friday after that extra long foreplay (you had to know I'd go there)...
Until then, what is one thing you've learned in the last few years?

Candyland. OUT.<---still the one, and only baby

26 comments:

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

What an awesome post. When exactly did you write this?

One thing I've learned is to not let men walk all over me. Now I walk all over them instead! (nah, just kidding) ;o)

Matthew Rush said...

Wait. Offspring used to be a Princess and you used to prefer Steven Tyler to Bert? What happened?

Dianne K. Salerni said...

That is an awesome post! Is it your first? Or one of your first? I am glad that you dragged it back from whatever purgatory deleted posts go to ...

Matthew Rush said...

And then I read on and that was very touching. Thanks for sharing so personally of yourself Candace ... as long as your keep making progress you will one day get there.

*gives Candyland a one-armed homie hug* - the girl, not the blog.

Jaydee Morgan said...

I think this was the perfect first post to introduce yourself...and I'm glad you found it and reposted :)

Hmm, I'm not sure exactly what I've learned in the last few years...but I sure hope I've learned a few things!

Anne said...

I'm glad you found it! Welcome back!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Oh, I was so in love with Joe Perry in university. He was the hotter rocker.

I was a lot like you in school. I didn't realize how many people knew me until years later. Apparently I wasn't as invisible as I had thought. Ironically, I didn't know who those people were . . . even though they'd been fairly popular (different grade). Go figure!

I love your attitude. You go girl!!!!

Mary McDonald said...

Great post! I have a cat like yours but I never learned anything from mine. lol.

I'm sure you will find success with your novel.:-)

Dawn said...

Thank goodness you recovered this brilliant post. This makes me want to spend the day browsing through all of your posts I missed by only becoming a follower in the past few months!

Serenissima said...

It's enlightening to see the story behind the writer. Good for you for finding what you love.

The thing I've learned in the past five and half years of writing is that I have lots of books in me and am more stubborn than I thought. I'm working on my fifth manuscript now.

BTW, I had a cat named bubu. Bu translates to 'terror' in Chinese. Nuff said.

Renae said...

What a great story. I love hearing everyone's stories about how they started writing. I'm so glad you reposted this.

Lenny said...

hi miss candace! you know i could just love this story cause its more of just you. i think its a happy ending story for you for knowing who you are and knowin your worth a real lot. for me i learned when people you love die like my mom and dad you could still keep going and get past the hurt cause you got people that care about you and you get a suprise for being so strong inside of you. some life stuff is real hard for your heart but you just gotta keep going.
...hugs from lenny

Solvang Sherrie said...

I'm glad you resurrected this post. It's always fun learning more about you :)

Creepy Query Girl said...

What an awesome post and a great debut to a rockin blog. Keep dreamin, keep bloggin and sharing with us (because if you don't I think some of us might physically track you down) You'll get there, I can feel it!

Jo Schaffer said...

You have grit, girl! (= Way to turn your adversity into rocket engines. Blast off.
Awesome.

The Urban Cowboy said...

Right on! Follow your dreams and they WILL become your reality.

Talli Roland said...

I'm shocked to hear you preferred Tyler to Bart (Bert? I'm sorry - I can't remember!). How fickle, how fickle! :)

Congrats on the six months. You've come a long way, Candyland baby.

Jen said...

Candyland you continue to Rock my World with your Awesomeness! Great post, when did you write this and all of it's epicness?

I think as writers even before we started our blogs we had gone a little crazy... I feel more crazy then the day I started, at least I'm in good company!

Laura Pauling said...

Def. not give up and to persevere!

Kelly Breakey said...

I feel like we just pulled the curtain back and instead of being disappointed that the wizard is just a woman, very much like me, I find myself excited to come back for the next post. Wow, I think your a kindred spirit and I must have recognized you from the start!

Linda G. said...

What a great first post--thanks for catching us relative newcomers up.

Keep chasing the dream. Sometimes, if we get lucky, it trips & we can catch it. ;)

Meredith said...

What a beautiful post. I totally want to be like Boo-Boo now! And I'll have to take up your chant that one day I will be published...

Carolyn V. said...

Aw! I love your post. =)

I've learned to keep going...keep going...keep going. Whew! It makes me tired just writing that!

salarsenッ said...

This is great, sweetie. Much better than my first post. LOL

Joe Perry...*shaking head frantically, pleading edge to eyes...

Julie Musil said...

That post was great! And then there's this photo of Taylor Lautner I can't stop staring at....

Slamdunk said...

Way to start with a bang and I hope you achieve everything that you set out to with your writing.