Tuesday, September 14, 2010

Chocolate man in Candyland

By now, I'm quite positive you regret asking all these questions and are ready for it to end. Alas, friends, today is the last batch of questions answered and again, it's a tag team effort with the hubs adding his 2 cents. Tomorrow, a very special tribute you don't want to miss (or maybe you do...hell...I dont know).

Kelly Dexter asks: You have to get a tattoo. On your face. You are not allowed to wear hooded garments, and you are most certainly not allowed to style your hair like Cousin It. What is your ink of choice?
CL: I would ask for "Born to be rad," but indoubtedly, the dude would f@ck it up and it would forever say "Born to be rud." Then I would spend the remainder of my life explaining the mix-up, until eventually just saying I wanted "Born to be rud."
EG: Easy.  I would get the word SUCKHOLE tattooed on my face with my mouth being the O.

Nathalie asks: Does the nature of your posts change with your mood/amount of clothing you wear/weather outside?
CL: Only by the amount of clothing. I tend to overdress almost always, but if I break out the shorts and knee highs, it's bound to get freaky all up in heeya.
EG: Nope.  I only post when Candyland lets me so I gotta give it my 100% every time out.  All or nothing from this guy.
CL: Don't I know it...

Carolyn V. asks: What type of writing shoes do you wear? And do you paint your toenails to match said writer shoes?
CL: I wear a special shoe called a sock and my though my toes are painted the shade of my heart right now, that could change on any given day.
EG: Does Nike make writing shoes? I only have skate shoes and a pair of running shoes but typically Candyland creates her post in the evening so I'm either barefoot hippie style or wearing house shoes suburban dad style.

Erin MacPherson asks: What would you do tonight if you were given $100, a bottle of Pinot Noir and a rubber chicken?
CL: That's easy. I'd head to the local strip club after having a few drinks, turn $100 into herpes and tip with a rubber chicken. 
EG: Classy Candyland.  I would find a dark alley, spend the hundo on some hallucinogenics and record the nights events.  I'm sure the chicken and I could become miscreants and the tales of the hubs and chicken could become legendary in these parts.
CL: I can't even respond to that nonsense.

Sharon K. Mayhew asks: Would you ever cover your naked body with sushi?
CL: Not sushi, but Chipotle burritos.
EG: Heading to Chipotle, be right back.............................

Talei asks: What is your idea of the perfect evening?
CL: Tweetbooking, FaceSpacing and Myblogging about my NYT bestseller while eating frosting from the container with my fingers, in my jammies and robe, watching Chelsea Lately (Not that I've thought about it or anything...).
EG: I would finish up a sunny and sick day of snowboarding with a ceasar salad, new york strip steak and an oregon brewed wheat beer, shower and head off to see The Used and New Medicine where we have VIP access and tell all the band whores to go f*ck themselves. Then (I hope) to end up in a hot tub with Candyland and some champagne (not that I've though about it or anything...).

Kelly asks: If Matt Brady was actually a vampire and Bert McCracken was a singing werewolf, who would you choose?
CL: Find something to make me bleed and wait for the pain best dream ever.
EG: Wait for Candyland to wake up.

Robyn Campbell asks: Candy, what is a hoopty?
CL: The car my pops had me drive to school once, and only once..
EG: Ha!  I think its a car that should have died and keeps living...like the multi-colored, dented, rusted, spare-tire rocking rides in east Dayton.

There you have it my lovelies. Three days' posts full of crappage. If you're still following, thank you. I promise not to put you through that for awhile as long as you rub my back tonight. Oh and I conducted an experiment re: yesterday's search results. Turns out, "chocolate man in candyland" is a very popular phrase...(click to see larger)
Though, I'd much rather have you all find me by typing this:
However you get here, thanks. And until tomorrow, what would *you* do with $100, a bottle of Pinot Noir and a rubber chicken? 
Candyland +Hubs. OUT.


Linda G. said...

LOL! You have me cracking up AGAIN. And that isn't easy this early in the morning, so kudos to you. :)

Alesa Warcan said...

A bottle, a bill, and a rubber chicken... I'd do the same thing i do every night. I would work on taking over the world! Mwahah!

Renae said...

I don't know, I'm going to miss this daily dose of laughter now that the questions have come to an end. But I'm certain you'll come up with something else! You always do!

Anne said...

Yeah. You guys seem pretty neato. Wanna hang out sometime? Thought so.

Vicki Rocho said...

Best Q&A: the sushi & burrito. I laughed out loud!!!

Watch out for the hot sauce, that's all I'm saying!

Christine Danek said...

Thanks for making my morning fun. Now, I have to go get ready take my 2 yr old to swim class. Yeah,I know your jealous.
My mind keeps swirling about the $100 and the chicken. I'm not goin there this early.

Jaydee Morgan said...

I think that's a great search result - I know your title pulled my attention first thing this morning!

$100, Pinot Noir and a rubber chicken - the possibilities are endless but none that I'm willing to share ;)

Summer Ross said...

LOL "Does nike make writing shoes" LOL that was great!

Kelly said...

Hilarious! Now you need to write suckhole on your hubby's face in pen and post it!
Fun stuff Candyland and spouse of Candace

Justine Dell said...

Take to chicken to Wang Foo's for an expensive meal ... so he can see what happens to real chickens!


Kelly Breakey said...

Somebody get your hubs a rubber chicken, a hundred bucks and the wine, NOW because I want to see that video.

Falen (Sarah) said...

Ha! Suckhole FTW!
Also, i a bit coincidentally, i came to your blog via google today since stoopid googlereader was being an ass

Samantha VĂ©rant said...

I'd buy myself a meat dress. Then, I'd rip off a piece and grill it. Of course, me and my good friend, rubber chicken, would enjoy the meal with a fine bottle of pinot noir. Oops. Rubber chicken doesn't drink. Because he isn't alive. More wine for me.

C.E. said...

You two are so awesomely funny. This makes me want to write down some of the spewage that my husband funnies up. We should put them in a room and make them duel.
Totally havent hated your answers, makes for a chipper morning

LTM said...

Aww... EG's perfect evening's so sweet! :D And so relieved someone else knows what a hooptie is~

Jo Schaffer said...

These are great!
I totally relate to hoopty. That's what we all drove in high school. Oh, yeah. Word.

Talli Roland said...

Love these, Candyland and hubs! :)

Hoopty. My new favourite word.

Lenny Lee! said...

hi miss candace and mr erik! you guys are so funny! whos more funny you or him?
...laughs and hugs from lenny

Matthew Rush said...

Shit. Don't tell hubs but he compliments your rare form of humor quite well. Don't let him on any more or I may have an accident in my writing underwear.

Actually tell him to email me. We'll grab some mushrooms, make some tea and find a dark alley.

Erin Kane Spock said...

That was a lot of fun to read. Thanks for sharing.
$100/Pinot Noir/Rubber Chicken:
I'd go buy the new released books I haven't been able to afford and a second bottle of wine, lock my kids in their rooms (not really, CPS), then I'd drink wine out of the nice crystal stemware I never use, lay on the couch in the formal living room I never use, and glut myself on romance novels for the joy of reading rather than the joy of research.
I would prop the chicken up on the chair across from me with a book opened in front of him and a drained wine glass (and maybe a cigar). The staged scene would be for my husband's benefit.

Carolyn V. said...

Sweet! You have the best writing shoes of all, the no-writing-writer shoes. I love it! =)

Candice said...

Those are some odd questions. And I thought MY readers were fucked up. ;)

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

So funny, Candyland! (I can't believe you used my question...note to self...not drinking and blogging...)

What would I do with $100, a bottle of Pinot Noir and a rubber chicken? I'd order something else to eat and drink...

Anonymous said...

Thanks for answering my weirdo question:-) Love the answers from both you and hubs. Hilarious!

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Why can't I ever come up with cool questions like that? Whenever a blogger wants bloggerees to pose them questions, I end up with questions like: Um, er, well, like . . . ?

Cute answers. Your hubby is way more creative than mine. ;)

Robyn Campbell said...

So that's what a hoopty is. I'm glad I asked. Really glad. :)It's been weighing heavily on my mind.

Love all of the answers. To all of life's questions. (^_^)

Oh and the car? I owned it. It still lives somewhere. It will never die. :)