Monday, September 13, 2010

This is what happens when there's two of us

Candyland has a sekkrit: Your questions have been fun to read and have given me posts for a total of 3 days. But to make it interesting, today AND tomorrow's answers also include the hubs's thoughts, too. Should this idea disappoint, bore or displease you, I will return to normal posting on Wednesday. Until then, suck it up!


C.E. asks: If you had a slug that granted wishes, what would you name it?
CL: I'd name him Chuck Norris, because only He could make such things happen.
EG: Obviously slimy.  Or maybe something Italian like Vinny. Vinny sounds slimy so it would work.

Jessica Bell asks: If your guitar was a prophet, and it told you that you had to become a rockstar first before you could become a published author, would you be willing to give up writing until 'the' time came to start again? Be on tour, lapping up the musical stardom? Or is writing now too much of your life to think about being on stage again?
CL: Depends on if I were on tour with New Medicine...
EG: Well, the hubs doesn't write so I would just be a rock star and it would kill. (He talks about himself in the 3rd person too...weird...)

Lenny Lee asks: if your ol granny farted way too much would you be really sweet not say anything and just get her some of those fartypants or would you just do your Candyland thing and tell granny she just plain stinks?
CL: I'd thoughtfully wrap up a pair of Fartypants because I inherited my sense of crude humor from my Gram
EG: If my granny was still here she would probably challenge me to a fart contest because she was the coolest grandma on the planet.

Talli asks: If it was a life and death situation and you *had* to choose one item you care about to drop in the toilet, what would it be?
CL: Eff...I'm afraid I'd sacrifice my phone again, because it's already been in there once...
EG: My wife...ahhhhh vomit again!  I mean could it be something big like a snowboard because only a little bit of it would actually be in the toilet.  But I guess I could do the phone because then I could finally get the iPhone I've been dreaming of.

Melissa asks: If you could be any mythological creature what would you be? How would you woo the love of your life (who is glaringly normal)?
CL: I would be a glittery, sparkly F@ck and I would do no wooing because my lover would already call me by name.
EG: A Centaur...no doubt.  And woo?  Please.  Have you seen a centaur?  The love of my life would just look at my studly ass and it would be over.

Jo Schaffer asks: If you could choose ONE celebrity to meet and make out with...who would you choose?
CL: This must be a trap...did the hubs put you up to this? If so, Matt Brady (the hubs actually gave me his PERMISSION...). If not, Matt Brady (because a girl can dream).
EG: Keira Knightley if she were a pirate, Natalie Portman in Star Wars or pro snowboarder Tara Dakides. Or obviously Taylor Lautner (if I liked boys) (and if he showed his abs).
CL:I think that's more than one, dear...
EG: I said you can have Brady. That means I get four.
CL: *Pauses for thought* *Deal.

Nicole Zoltack asks: How would you move Mount Fuji?
CL: By telling it a sad, sad story. Or by talking about letting it see me naked (it would move far, far away)
EG: Well everyone knows that Japan is an Island so we just have to get enough people together on one side of the island, get in the water, and start swimming while holding on to the shore. You know, like learning to swim when you were a kid.  Stuff that floats totally moves easier than you think...

DL Hammons asks: Your baby-sitting a long-time friends six year old child for the first time. You ask him to pick up some toys he left laying in the middle of the room...but he ignores you. You ask him again and he replies with, "Fuck You." What do you do?
CL: I'd say "Yes, that is my name. Now pick up your damn toys."
EG: Open a window and throw them out into the yard (the toys, not the kid).  Depending on if I felt like an f-bomb...which I probably would.

Dayana Stockdale asks: Do you ever wear pink?
CL: Only when Insane Clown Posse Faygo'd me. And when I dropped my glasses in the toilet. And when I danced on stage with Afroman. And when I got knocked up...(pink is not my luckiest color)
EG: Never ever ever ever ever.  No.  And if anyone ever gives you that "real men wear pink" crap punch them in the f-ing face.  That was something losers and clever salespeople came up with.  Never in the history of the world has a newborn baby boy been greeted with pink.  Never ever ever ever.

Ok, friends. I think you now know more shizz than you ever needed to. Oh except this:
Now it's my turn. You tell me: What would your magical slug's name be? And what the hell does it have to do with writing (seriously...tell me)? Or better yet, has anyone typed in these search words (seriously...tell me)?
Candyland. OUT.

30 comments:

Anne said...

My magical slug's name would be Worm. And I'm still waiting on *that* phone call...

Samantha Vérant said...

The slug's name would be Escargot. He wouldn't have a long lifespan in a French restaurant.

salarsenッ said...

Hmmm...I have a few ideas, but nothing I think I should share...publicly. LOL.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

My magical slug would be named Charlie...cause all really good things are named Charlie. (sigh)

I'm sure this is all a great writing exercise in flexiblitity and creativity...

Have a great one...

Linda G. said...

I had a magical slug once. Slimy Grimey. But he ventured too close to my Margarita glass, and you know what salt does to slugs...*stifles sob*

Jaydee Morgan said...

I've never thought of naming a slug so I'd probably just call him "slug".

I'm totally innocent from those search terms though chocolate man in candyland sounds interesting ;)

Kelly said...

MY magical slug's name would be Alexander. Because he's so magical that he'd turn into Alexander Skarsgard.

Matthew Rush said...

Crap, Tim didn't know we got to keep asking questions. Asstastic. And no, I never entered those search terms, but I sure as hell am doing so right now!

Matthew Rush said...

Oh and my slug would be named sluggo, because that's what the rapper slug from atmosphere used to be called when ... I can't say when on here. BR80 may know him, they're both from the Minne-dope-less.

C.E. said...

Bahaha! this is the best Monday post I have seen today! So funny. You and your hubs are ridiculous and I love that!

Sherman, I imagine my slug to be a little dorky. And what DOESN'T that have to do with writing? I mean...>_>

aspiring_x said...

just gotta say i loved every word of this post... especially "deal."!!

slug name... ummm... "boogerz".

Jessica Carmen Bell said...

hahaha! Oh my god what kind of searches are those!!! ????

Dawn said...

My magical slug would be named Ludo and it has NOTHING to do with writing except that I wish I'd written Labyrinth :-) (Which is where Ludo comes from....just in case you haven't seen the movie where David Bowie prances around in WAY TOO TIGHT spandex pants...)

Kelly Breakey said...

I swear you blog makes me laugh everyday.

Thanks

Justine Dell said...

Bruno. That's a good thug name. ;-)

And I wouldn't dare type in those words for a search engine (the last one mostly). I'd be afraid what would pop up!

~JD

Jo Schaffer said...

I'd name the slug...BP Oil. And he'd wear a top hat with a senator wrapped around his neck in a jaunty, carefree style.

P to the S...loved your answers.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Hmmm...a magical slug? Can't say I've ever given that much thought. Um, I'll go with Slinkerbell! LOL. :-)

Nicole Zoltack said...

Sluggy. Not very original, I know, but I didn't get a lot of sleep last night. Yes, I'm blaming the kids for my lack of creativity, lol.

LTM said...

LOL! good stuff here. Real men wear pink--JRM totally agrees that this is b.s. And how to move a mtn??? BAH!!! :D girl, *sniff*

Cinette said...

I wouldn't bother naming the slug, because my toad Leroy would likely make short order of him. At least that's what I hired him to do in my garden...

Talli Roland said...

Ha! Tell your hubby NO. Oy cannot be a snowboard! How the heck would you drop a snowboard in a toilet anyway? :)

salarsenッ said...

So I've been pondering this all freaking day. I've decided. I'd name my slug Merlin. That effing slimy worm would give me whatever I wanted, how much I wanted, and when I wanted it. lol

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Oh my gosh, I love Lenny's question! I am betting Lenny would be sweet and not tell her.

As for the slug, no name. I would never find out it was magical and granted wishes, because I would have screamed and squashed it at first sight -- or better yet, called my husband to come spray it with something.

And yeah, we would lose out, big time.

Carolyn V. said...

Can I name my slug My Precious? It just seems to fit.

Erin MacPherson said...

Love the questions... and wondering how you convinced the hubs to participate. My hubs stays far, far away from anything relevatory, social or fun. Can't wait to read tomorrows.

DL Hammons said...

I like both your answers! Can you baby-sit this weekend??

Kelly Dexter said...

I LOVE your answer to Melissa's question! It's my favorite by far.

As for the slug, no matter what I say I know I'd end up calling it Little Dude.

Vicki Rocho said...

I LOVE these answers. You guys crack me up.

Ummm, my magical slug better be masquerading as something else or it's name is gonna be SQUISHED.

Erin Kane Spock said...

My magical slug's name would be Mr. Slugface.
Or perhaps Rainbow Tanqueray.
Or Shine-on-you-crazy-diamond McGee.
Those are my options.

BTW, my brother once woke up (he was maybe 7ish) with a few slugs in his hair. They had come in from the cold and nestled on his warm scalp. It was pretty awful. I don't' think any of them were magical.

Melissa said...

Your husband is welcome...EVERY DAY!

Your response to my question made me laugh. Hard.
His response made me choke on my own tongue I was laughing so hard. (Not that I love you any less Candyland! Your husband is just very amusing. What a pair you two must make.)