Monday, September 27, 2010

If a pictures says a thousand words...then I'm screwed.

What the hell does proof of my obscene sugar consumption say about me?
Where did all the sugar go, you ask? Into about 1 1/2 cups of coffee. I was born this way, don't judge me. Well, you can judge me a little because I think it says a lot about the kind of person I am.

~I'm sweet. Maybe it's the millions of tiny, manufactured crystals, but in general, if a zombie were to eat me (NOT innuendo), they'd compare me to an extra-large cupcake with butter cream icing + extra sprinkles. Then they'd get a belly ache. And throw me up.

~"Give me MOREMORE-f@ck moderation." I've never done anything in moderation. I eat, drink, blog, love, desire, create and think in excess. I believe all of life's answers are found only after you've done something way too many times to count.

~I look for magic in the un-magical.The stray packet laying in the lower left corner of the picture is making me nutso. If I could rewind time, I would put that M. Effer into the big pile, because my OCD says so. And I think it's staring at me. *blinks* It totally is. I think it's corner just ruffled. *blinks again* Never mind. It was just my phone vibrating near the computer.

~I hallucinate. If you look closely, the vague shape of Matt Brady's face is in the center of the sweetness. It clearly says "marry me, Candyland." You don't see it? You're looking at it wrong. Un-focus your eyes, blink twice, turn the computer upside down, have a shot of tequila, and then tell me. Do you see it now? I thought so.

~I crash and burn. In everything in life, no matter how much I eat, drink, love, blog, desire, create and think, I inevitably fall. And it usually hurts. The only resolution is to find more sugar. Nomnomnom.

So tell me, friends, what do you enjoy in EXCESS?
Candyland (sweet as sugar). OUT.

38 comments:

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Judging from the number of cans of the stuff when I returned HALF the mountain to the bottle depot last week, I'm going with Diet Dr Pepper. But alas, we're out of the not-so-endless supply. It's back to Diet Coke.

Talei said...

Everything!! LOL Well okay, you mean 'specifically?' Let me count the....bubbly drinks with french labels, shoes, hats, and then there's books and writing of course!!

JW said...

We may be the same breed... everything here, too. Balance is boring!!

Renae said...

You always hear you should enjoy everything in moderation. How boring is that? If I didn't have my excess of Starbucks, I would not make it through the day!

Linda G. said...

Chocolate all the way, baby. And junky, chewy candy, like Tootsie Rolls and Starburst and Skittles.

Oddly, I don't add sugar to any of my drinks, or to cereal, or...well, anything really. I guess I get enough from the above-mentioned candy. ;)

Robyn Campbell said...

Um, since I'm a type one diabetic, no sugar for me. Well, I lied, but shhh, don't tell the family.

My indulgence? Coffee baby. I'm up to 8-10 cups a day. Oh and Ritz crackers. I could eat a box a day. Chocolate. Mmmmm Pizza...

Better stop there. :)

I tried the trick. I see it, I really do.

Monica Lauren Chriscoe said...

Too funny! My indulgence? Sweet tea. Been drinking it as long as I can remember, can't go a day without it!! OMG Sweet Tea FTW! Loving your posts!!

Nicole Zoltack said...

Chocolate! Mmmm

Jessica Carmen Bell said...

TIME! Give me excess TIME! Somebody??? Please???? ;o)

Creepy Query Girl said...

Failure is for people who are actually brave enough to try! I didn't see the sugar packet move *scratches head* but when I was nine years old, I swear I would stare at the NKOTB poster in my room until Joey and Jordon started making faces at me. True story. I internet in excess. I also love to eat (salty food instead of sweet- my blood pressure's probably through the roof)

Jaydee Morgan said...

My excess is coffee - I think I could live off the stuff. It's not unusual to drink a couple of pots a day.

Anne said...

Coffee!!! Also, exclamation points!!!

Matthew Rush said...

I can't admit to anything here and now, but I will say that Tim thinks you may have been awake too long.

Jared Larson said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jared Larson said...

Last comment too revealing. I'll stick with ice cream, chocolate, movies, books and sports.

Jared Larson said...

Due to the death threats by one named Candyland, I must re-post the previous deleted comment.

These are the things I enjoy in excess. Ice cream and, eh... *cough* the wife in intimate situations, *uncough* And chocolate, movies, books and waffles. Just saying.

Kelly said...

I loves my Coca Cola fountain pop. But really only drink a few a week....
Maybe chocolate?? Yes, come Halloween time, nobody can stop me from sneaking the candy on an hourly basis. Then my spiral continues through the goodies on Thanksgiving and Christmas and I come to my now bloated senses in January.

Brad Jaeger said...

Everything in moderation, especially moderation!

Dawn said...

Coke Zero. Though, I'd be hard pressed to explain it as eloquently as you have described your sugar addiction :-)

aspiring_x said...

oh my goodness! i'm the same way with the sugar! (well, i've switched to splenda) but i just grab a handful out of the bag and bleary-eyed throw it at my coffee cup in the a.m. my kitchen counter gets quite sticky before i'm awake enough to actually hit the mug. but lots of sugar is a neccessity. otherwise the coffee tastes like... you know... coffee.

Colene Murphy said...

Reading SUGAR so many times in one post sent my cravings crazy! I was TRYING to not crack the peanut butter M&M drawer before noon today, but now I just don't see that happening..
You're horribly hilarious! In the best way possible!

LTM said...

well we ARE in "Candyland" right? I mean, whoever heard of sugar-free candy???

oh... wait.

P.S.
That whole hallucinating thing? That's what we call a "sugar coma." ;p j/k <3

Shannon O'Donnell said...

I. LOVE. YOU. You are such a great dose of SMILE for me each day, girl. But I do tend to laugh out loud in front of my students, who then turn to stare at me like I'm on crack or something! :-)

I drink way too much coffee!!

Kelly Dexter said...

That single, empty packet looks so lonely down there in the corner.

My excess? Chocolate covered pretzels. They're my go-to snack and I adore them. I wasn't going to have any today, but that's already out the window. Can't say I mind.

Shannon said...

I would be tremendously disappointed if CANDYLAND didn't have an abundance of sugar, suga. =)

Excess for me? Wine - which is why I limit the delicious, life-affirming goodness to a weekly dose.

Keep on rockin' your fabulous self.

Melissa said...

I love everything and enjoy it all in excess. I'm one of those people that want more and more and more of something until I either throw up or start hating it (depending on what it is)

Lenny Lee! said...

hi miss candace! wow what a lotta sugar packs you used up for just a little coffee. maybe that stray one is the leader of the pack. ha ha i for me i just gotta have those yummy mini peanut butter cups. yikes! i just cant live without them. i just ate a big bag of them and now i see matt brady in the middle of those packs and hes looking at you and saying "hi sugar!"
...laughs and hugs from lenny

Riv Re said...

I fill my coffee with tons of sugar-and get strange looks from my family-but my definition of tons is *slightly* less than your definition of it....
I read in excess! But I don't think that's a problem. I'm also a soda junkie! I get it from my dad, who CANNOT drink water.
Oh, Twizzlers! Right now I'm rushing to finish this comment so I can run get one...

I don't write in excess. But that's a bad thing, no? I probably should...Do you?

Tawna Fenske said...

Fresh peas straight from the pod. I can eat twice my body weight in them and still never get full.

Tawna

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Hot sauce...it has to be hot sauce for me...I can (scratch that) like it on almost everything, except sweets...

Crashing and burning is the only way to succeeding my friend...those who sit by and never push their limits never get anywhere...YOU WILL SUCCEED! (Man I hope I'm spelling this stuff right...)

Kelly Breakey said...

Me time in the car with new music, doesn't matter what type as long it is something I love or just brand new from a tried an true. I can ramp it up to how ever loud I want and sing at the top of my lungs and I don't think I sound like a drowning cat at all.

Of course I can't speak for the people who are forced to sit next to me in traffic. Hey I look at this as being educational for them not me...that'll learn them.

Nate Wilson said...

Your sugar packets have got nothing on my bowl of ice cream.

I'm also excessively procrastinatory. Unless ice cream is involved.

Jo Schaffer said...

Haha! I use agave instead of sugar and I'm in the new phase of my life where I do try to find balance and my center. Am I getting old? Haha!
Thanks for leaving a comment. Sorry about your loss. I have had the same experience. Hard. Very. Sad.
Peace.

Carolyn Abiad said...

Sweet tea! (Especially from MacAlister's Deli.) I don't know how I lived without it before I moved to the south.

Carolyn V. said...

Chocolate. I've gotta cut down on the stuff, but it keeps finding its way to me!

VICTORIA SAAVEDRA said...

Coffee!! Yum :)

Vicki Rocho said...

I just bought a HUGE jar of honey roasted peanuts and I can't stop eating them. I'm so going to regret it at some point (all that fiber? OMG), but oooh so yummmmmy

Kelly Polark said...

Sweets and Coca Cola are my vices.