Friday, September 24, 2010

Feel Me Up Friday: What I do in my private time is your business + an experiement heard 'round the "blorld"

Yesterday, I said the most disturbing sentence to my (almost) 4yo a mother could possibly say. And I didn't just say it once, but like a hundred times:

"It's not going to get any better if you don't blow it."

Sure, she's sick and sure, my mind is the equivalent of Studio 54, but once I said it a few times I started to feel weird. Then it was shortened to "blow it," which wasn't any better, but I digress...

Speaking of, I had the most intriguing email appear in my inbox. The title alone stopped my fingers from pressing delete (see...Studio 54).
But upon opening, I was sorely disappointed with Jane's pitch. She packed all the punch into the title, but lacked execution (story of my life)...
Sorry Jane, but regrettably, I'm going to have to pass on your project. Though I'm sure you'll find someone who's enthusiastic about your work. Good luck and all the best. It's a subjective business, what can I say...

Random Fact: Last week, I went an entire day before realizing...my underwear was inside out.
Random Fact: I accidentally slipped when I told you about Camp Rock 2: The Final Jam...what I didn't say was that I've seen it now five times...three of those times, I was alone.

O.M.G. that was insane. How did you know Candyland likes that? You're good. I mean, don't let it go to your head, but it was freakingfantastic this week! Now onto The Great Blogging Experiment! Writing Compelling Characters. Hrmm...If you're looking for the no nonsense-get-to-the-point-guide-in-5-easy-steps, you've come to the right place.

One. Name your character something stupid. People will remember it. Let's pretend you're named after a retarded fish. I'm talking to you, Suzie Salmon.
Two. Make them, and their lives, suck a little (why does everything I say insinuate innuendo...). Give them crap to deal with. Pile it on heavy, and see how your dude or dudette deals. It's not your call, it's theirs. Let them handle it.
Three.  If they feel something NOT ending in ly, you're doing something right.
Four. Let their heart break a little. Pain + something to prove/solve/discover/find = a story that's real. And it's fun to act out via your fake peeps. I mean, they can do ANYTHING...Hrmm...
Five. Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

So there you have it. Go. Write. Create crazyawesome characters that compel the shizz out of me. Then, check out the other entries HERE.

Until Monday, tell me friends, what's the stupidest name you can think of? Go ahead. Make me pee a little.
Candyland. OUT.

42 comments:

salarsenッ said...

I love coming up with unique--this equals your stupid suggestion--and funky names. It's all in a name, brother.

Poor Jane.

Hope the 4yr old mends quickly. ";-)

Creepy Query Girl said...

lol- all tips that will help any character bring it. Sorry the lil one is sick. In france they sell these booger suckers. It looks like a miniature tire pump and you suck on one end. I'm actually kind of surprised you haven't discovered it- it'd go great with other incredible inventions- like the farty pants.

Jessica Carmen Bell said...

hahahhehehe Awesome! You sure it's not "Suck, Rinse. Repeat" though? ;o)

Stina Lindenblatt said...

Awesome characterization advice. And so cleverly put. :D

Yeah, I've done the inside out underwear thing too. Fortunately only I've ever noticed.

Renae said...

Great tips used with your unique twist as usual! Hope your little one feels better!

Jen said...

"And the award goes too... CANDYLAND"

Girl you crack me up with your insanely, sane way of writing. Oh yeah, I used insanely and sane in one sentence... don't judge... just love.

Suck it a little and name your character Suzie Salmon... got it :)

Kelly said...

Suck what? And a good morning to you!
This household has watches Camp Rock 2 a few times as well. But then Fred the Movie came on Nickelodeon and omg it's the only thing they've watched this week (it's so dumb it's funny).

Christine Danek said...

You know how to make my morning bright. Love this.
Okay don't read my post because yours rocks.

Jane Jumping Juniper--try that name on for size.

Oh jane--:)

Have a great weekend!
Hope your little on gets better. Trust me, I've said plenty of things and I still hear it. Don't curse in German comes back everytime.

Linda G. said...

Aww. Sorry your kiddo is sick. Hope she feels better soon.

Let's see. The stupidest name I can think of? How about...Dirk Jiggly? (Hey, it's still early. For me. Cut me some slack.)

Mara Nash said...

All awesome advice. I like stupid names. How about: Red Lance?

Lindsay (a.k.a Isabella) said...

Hope the little one feels better soon.

Awesome advice. Now I'm off to make my characters live suck. heehee.

Matthew Rush said...

So I should name my character Timmy Tadpole? Or Timmy has a tad of a Pole (that's a blunt innuendo for ya)? Done.

Michelle McLean said...

lol awesome list!

PK Hrezo said...

Personally, I've always wanted to have a character named Harry Dong

Jaydee Morgan said...

My mind's stuck around what you have to blow to make it better...must be too early for me still.

Good list - especially the stupidly named characters...we certainly do remember odd names.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

Girl, you do compelling characters like no one else can (no innuendo intended)! LOL. I especially like #3. :-)

Quinn said...

Make the character's lives hell: give them a stupid name, conflict, pain, heartbreak. Great post!

Dawn said...

So, I read the post twice because, uh, it took me a sec to figure out what you were suggesting your kid blow. I feel better now.

Stupid names. Sigh. So many. I'm going with all those vamped names from JR Ward's books. Don't know them? Google her and the Brotherhood.

Kelly Breakey said...

Well there is a new show on TV called raising hope which I have to say has characters that are reminiscent of members of my family. No, I will not tell you which ones.

Anyway the baby...her name was Princess Beyonce. Now seriously I thought Beyonce was stupid the first time I heard it but put Princess in front of it and attach it to a baby...well you get the picture. It is one name I will not soon forget.

Poor kid. Thank god they changed her name to Hope.

Lola Sharp said...

Aww, sorry she isn't feeling well. :(
(wait until she's a teenager, you'll say far more disturbing things)
I hope she feels better soon.

I have no idea what camp rock is...and I love rock. Is it like School of Rock? Which I LOVE! You're not hardcore unless you live hardcore, dude. I've see it millions of times.

Also, hey, underwear is overrated.

Have a badass awesome weekend, my friend!
Love,
Lola

Colene Murphy said...

lol Priceless advice! So Camp Rock 2 was that good? Still haven't seen it but you make me a little less ashamed to admit I want to. You bring me courage to cop to my nerdness.

Elana Johnson said...

I love the idea of letting their heart break a little. Of course, I like heartbreaking stories, so that might have something to do with it. But I think it creates a real tension and connection in a reader.

Kelly Dexter said...

Thank you for using "blorld". It made me all kinds of happy.

Wizards of Waverly Place is my Camp Rock 2 . . . except I don't even know any children I can use as an excuse. What can I say? Those quippy teens and their Disney-fied happy endings make my day.

Tere Kirkland said...

So with you on #3!

Glad I'm not the only one who went with a humorous post. (You were being humorous, right?)

Great post!

~Tere

Carolyn V. said...

LOL! Now I need to think of some funky names! =) And the suckage. All good characters need suckage.

Shannon said...

The only stupid name that comes to mind is Dick Bananahammock.

Hope the munchkin is feeling better.

<3

Jen Chandler said...

Too funny! I really like number three.

Oh and the word "blorld" will now become a part of my vocabulary :)

Cheers,
Jen

Jeff King said...

love your post...

as far as names go:

Harry Shaft

Cumquat Galore

Stiff Johnson

the list is endless

Melissa said...

I adore the wit you bring to every post. Yet again, you do not fail to disappoint with this one.

Great tips, sorry your kid is sick, I hope she feels better.

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

(Just did a check...inside right today. :)

Hope your kiddo feels better soon...Something seems to be going around. Internet virus???

I'm constantly working on not using lovely ly words...they come naturally to me...

faithfully yours...

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Another unique take on characters!
And I'd say you're warping your kid's mind, but she has no idea what that means - so it's okay.

RaShelle said...

My husband helped this customer with the coolest name the other day. Ergh Zachery. Say it out loud real fast. It sounds like Exactly. Now I no it's a dang ly word, but still, this is a TRUE story.

Thanks for the fun post. =D

Lenny Lee! said...

hi miss candace! i hope your little girl is feeling better. being sick is for sure the schizz. i learned that word from you! no one at home is wanting to tell me about suckage. whats it mean? like always you got me laughing so hard on your character stuff. its all true but you just got a way of saying it thats sooo cool. i wish i could write stuff like you cause for sure youre never boring.
...lots of love and big hugs from lenny

Elena Solodow said...

Wow, but I've been wearing my underwear inside out by accident almost every day for the past month, so I feel you.

Stupidest name: McGibbon McGeverson Esquire

Krispy said...

To the point! I will have to think of a ridiculous name now - like Audio Science. Oh wait, I think someone already did that...

N. R. Williams said...

Your post are so unique, straight forward and to the point. I'm long and drawn out. I guess it's the latent teacher in me.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, fantasy author

Hannah Kincade said...

And I shall name him, Sassafras!! LOL!!

I love this!! Great job!

Lisa Potts said...

Oh, if I only had a dollar for every time I said "It's not going to get any better if you don't blow it", I'd have been rich like ten years ago.

Great post as usual, girly.

Oh, and I lived by a rabid Ohio State fan whose last name was Grey.
He named his daughter Scarlett Ann. No shizit.

Julie Musil said...

Love your quick and easy character tips. Not meaning to include more innuendo!

Nicole Zoltack said...

Sorry the little one is sick! Love #4. Great post, as always. :)

Lynda Young said...

I've been a little slow getting around to everyone. Your points for the blog experiment are brilliant. I particularly like point four best.

Ishta Mercurio said...

You are HILARIOUS. Love your blog. And I love number Three in your compelling characters list - so, so something I need to remember!

Dumb name? Tanya Twinkletoes? Twinkie Twitterfiend? Am I close?

Thanks for the post!