Wednesday, October 19, 2011

I fell in love with another man

Remember the days when there was a nicely wrapped Candyland post about ballz, BR80s or beanbags waiting for you? Okay, so there wasn't exactly a post about beanbags, but I meant to. No I didn't. My brain is a little cluttered these days because in case you haven't heard, I gave birth last Tuesday, October 11th, exactly 5 years after the birth of my 5yo daughter, to a beautiful little man.

SULLIVAN.MATTHEW.LEONARD.GANGER

He's pretty perfect but we went through a lot to get him here. Those of you who read have been on this near 3 year journey of wishing, hoping and praying for another baby but it's not without loss, grief and frustration of not being the one in control of my fate. If you remember, just a couple weeks after a 2nd miscarriage, I found out I was pregnant again. The doctor sent me to see if the fetus was "viable," and the embryo was considered a threatened abortion. I was terrified of losing another as the pain of the first loss was still a wound not healed.

But, the baby was alive.

Fast forward through nine months of hellish pregnancy with somewhere around 10-12 ultrasounds due to baby's growth, my history and loss of amniotic fluid. I was on bed rest. My hips felt broken. It hurt to stand. But it was all worth it. In the end, though, the fluid surrounding little Sully's head and body dropped to a critical level and I was hospitalized. Before I left, the number rose enough for them to say "okay, let's wait another week and see how this goes."

I went back exactly one week later, at 37 weeks, and the fluids were lower than before. And there it was...this baby I'd wanted so bad for so long might not survive if they didn't get him out of me. I was induced the same day and by the next day, was well on my way to delivery. Those of you who've been through an induction know how HORRIBLE it is. This was my 2nd induction, so at least I knew what to expect, but not even the mere thought of Matt Brady was enough to get me through.

After the doctor broke my water, the contractions intensified to an unbearable strength, but even though it felt like it, I was not ready to push. They made me wait. For nearly 3 hours. I screamed. I cried. I asked them to just kill me. But then, the time came. And I pushed. And pushed. And pushed.

Until I almost killed my baby.

His heart rate dropped with every push I made at the wrong time and I was given oxygen so I could breathe for him. But it wasn't enough. As he came through, the umbilical cord wrapped tight around his neck and he was not breathing at all. When they carried him away, something happened that the doctors had never seen before: the cord completely snapped off the placenta and literally exploded. It was on my mom's shirt. It was on the doctors. It was EVERYWHERE.

I can't go into anymore detail because a) it's disgusting and b) it's foggy. All I remember was not getting to see or hold that little boy I dreamed of for too long...Because they were busy bringing him back to life.
Thank you to everyone who has sent me something, be it a gift, a message, an email, etc. I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support. And now, as I head back into the darkness (postpartum), I'll think of all those well wishes and try to remember the time I actually blogged about Fartypants.


I could use some farty to get my party starty right about now.

Like Miss Jackson says, miss you much. Regular blogging will resume when my brain cells have regenerated.

<3

Candyland+Sullivan. OUT.

43 comments:

Matthew MacNish said...

You are my hero.

Jess said...

Congratulations! He's beautiful. Go enjoy him :)

Robyn Lucas said...

He's so squishy! Get some rest.

Christine Danek said...

Congrats, rest and enjoy him. You are blessed. And I ditto Matt--You are my hero.

Jessica Bell said...

Oh my gosh! What a horrible and painful nine months this has been. I had no idea. Wow. But look, congrats! And it's all worth it in the end, right? Love you, miss you, so glad everything turned out for the best, and he is just GORGEOUS. XOXO

Slamdunk said...

Congrats! What a blessing for all.

Lindsay said...

Congratulations. He is such a cutie (and you are my hero!). Big hugs.

Stina Lindenblatt said...

*hugs* I know that feeling of watching your baby almost die. I'm thrilled things turned out so well.

Congrats on your beautiful son, Candance. :D

RaShelle Workman said...

I was induced with my first, so yes, I understand exactly much it hurts. Glad you're both okay. Your boy is adorable. Such a cutie. =D

Shannon said...

So glad everyone came out of this healthy and happy. I'm telling you, he's a miracle baby. :) Congrats to you and Mr. Candypants.

Sue Z. Homewrecker said...

Sooo glad you are both ok! How you even managed to write this post is beyond me. Get some rest, kiddo.

Nicole Zoltack said...

You're my rockstar. Get as much sleep as you can!

Sarah Pearson said...

I haven't been following long enough to know what a journey you've been on, but I send my very best wishes to you, your family and your beautiful new boy.

Janet Johnson said...

Congratulations!!!

I went through 3 inductions. :( I feel your pain. But wow! You are amazing for getting through all that! But he is such a cutie and so worth it. I'm so happy for you!

Linda G. said...

Oh, my gosh! What a harrowing ordeal! But so worth it. He is positively ADORABLE!

Congratulations. :)

Magan said...

Oh my goodness! Thath sounds amazing and hellish all at the same time!

But he is adorable, have him call Olivia in about 16 years.

Jamie Burch said...

You are amazing, mama! I'm so happy that your sweet baby boy is doing so well. I can't even imagine going through all that.

Hope you are better soon. Sending lots of positive juju your way. Take care and remember we're all thinking about you. *Hugs*

Nate Wilson said...

Congratufreakinglations! After all you and he have already been through, I'm so happy for you. You should hold that little boy tight and never let him go. (Okay, maybe once he reaches his teenage years...)

Kelly Breakey said...

Candy-

From the bottom of my heart...Congratulations. Sometimes it really is all about getting to where you're going. The journey may have sucked...but look where you ended up!

Patti said...

What a great story. Congratulations. I was induced once - not fun, so I feel your pain.

So glad everything turned out.

Suzie F. said...

He's the most beautiful baby in the world. And he's all yours! You're one tough lady, Candace. Congratulations! And give your little man an extra snuggle.

Shannon O'Donnell said...

You are amazing, Candace. I'm so glad little Sully is finally here, and I know how proud "big brother" Lenny is, too. *grins*

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! :-)

Natalie Aguirre said...

Congrats! He's such a cutie! So happy for you.

Katie said...

Congrats on your baby boy! That whole ordeal sounds horrible and nightmarish ... I'm so glad it had a happy ending.

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

Congratulations! Way more information than I needed, but glad your boy is healthy and alive.

Angie said...

Oh, wow. Glad you are both okay. He's beautiful. And he was born on my son's birthday too. (Four years ago. He was five weeks early!) Congratulations and best of luck!

Kelly Polark said...

You've had quite a journey to bring that boy into your life. Enjoy all of these special new moments with him. Hugs to you both! He's a beauty!

Bee said...

Your baby boy is beautiful. And I love that shirt!

Also, thank you for sharing. I'm so very happy that your boy is healthy and alive and rocking it in that t-shirt :)

Jennifer Hillier said...

Huge congratulations! Your baby boy is gorgeous, and you are AMAZING.

Jen Daiker said...

You're inpsiring. He's a beautiful baby boy and I'm so glad we got to share this with you. We love you like crazy girl. Take your time getting back into the swing of things and know we'll be here waiting for all the future gross stories you'll share with us.

Lenny Lee* said...

i love my new baby brother!!!!
sully matty lenny ganger!! wow! how cool is that!!

...lots of love and big hugs from lenny

Johanna Garth said...

Congratulations on your darling baby boy. I empathize on the not getting to hold him right away piece. My first born was whisked off to NICU before I could hold her too. The good news...you'll have lots of holding and cuddling time from here on out.

LR said...

Congratulations!

vic caswell (aspiring-x) said...

oh! Wow!
ohmygoodness...
i'm just SO SO SO VERY HAPPY things turned out alright!
i can't believe the umb cord exploded. that is... just. wow.
sully is one GENUINE miracle baby!
and how cool for lily to get to share her birthday!
and just WOW!
i'm so glad sully and you are alright!
and he is a cute little angel!!!
and postpartum is really a new hell of its own, but seriously, if you can make it through all of THAT, you'll be whipping postpartum's ass in no time!
congratulations!
just...
CONGRATULATIONS!

Sharon K. Mayhew said...

Awwwww...He's gorgeous, just like his mommy. :-) Congratulations to the whole Ganger family!

DL Hammons said...

What a journey! And although it was sometimes covered with dirt,sediment, fallen leaves and twigs, your path was actually upon a yellow brick road. Welcome to the world, Wiz! :)

Southpaw said...

What a wild experience. But your and baby made it through. CONGRATULATIONS!

Caroline Starr Rose said...

Enjoy, enjoy, enjoy, sleep, and then go enjoy some more.

Brianna said...

*big giant hugs*
You are an inspiration. Your physical, mental and emotional strength never ceases to amaze me.

I'm so happy you have a healthy baby boy. May God bless you both!

Jo Schaffer said...

Wow! Mazel tov! Congrats! Yay!He is gorgeous!

Matthew MacNish said...

Candy candy boo, where are you.
I miss your posts like something fierce now (crack).
Suckhole is my dude, and so are you.
Can't wait to kick it with Timmy Junior!

*sung to the tune of scoobie's doobies*

Vicki Rocho said...

I don't know how the heck I missed this post. I was just thinking of you and went in search. Congratulations!!!! He's absolutely adorable and I can't wait to hear more from you when you've caught up on your sleep.

Kelly Dexter said...

He is beautiful! Congratulations!