Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Circles

Sorry it's been so long, friends. There are days I'm so tired I can't remember if I've
a) bathed (I can't smell me)
b) fed my child ( I think so, though, because she seems to keep growing)
c) flushed the toilet...

My first pregnancy, I was spoiled with naps and rest while young, shirtless, men fed me grapes and other finger fruits (i.e. the hubs threw a candy bar at me on his way to the shower). I was off work due to complications, had little responsibilities and many aspirations of one day being the next [female] Steven Tyler.

But this one is SO different.

I have to actually do stuff. Work. Raise a person while growing one. Take care of bills and errands and offspring school stuff and cleaning and and and...My point is, I'm drained me to the point of nearly forgetting my name. Call me Beth. Or Tina. I don't care.

But despite my fatigue, something happened. I started having strong contractions, so I called my doctor. He asked me to come in for some sort of test that determines if I'm in pre-term labor. Luckily, I was not, but due to the last pregnancy, and the delicacy of this one, he put me on restriction and made weekly visits for the [horrible] test mandatory...until I deliver...which is suppose to be another 11 weeks.

The thing that got me wasn't what he said, how he said it or even what was happening. The baby will come when he wants to. All I can do is hope he waits until he's healthy enough. What really stung was the room they put me in. Not since September 28th, 2009 had I been in that corner office.

Almost exactly 2 years since the day he told me my baby was dead; the day before the "tissue" was removed...

But instead of feeling anxious, short of breath, or even panicked, I felt a sense of totality. Like everything has come one hundred percent full circle. Once in the room where life had ended, I was now there waiting for life to begin (continue). It was surreal. And I realize now more than ever how blessed I am to have been chosen to carry this baby. And I will tell myself this through every singe of heartburn, every body ache, every  swollen inch of skin.

Tell me, friends, what have I been missing (other than you)?


Candyland+babySully. OUT.

20 comments:

Jessica Bell said...

AW honey, I'm sorry you're feeling shitty, but you're right. You are blessed. And you will continue to be blessed! Miss you lots and lots and lots! But take your time to get your energy back. We're not going anywhere and we'll always be here for you!!!

Matthew MacNish said...

Life IS a circle. I've been missing you too, but at least I know it's a worthwhile cause. The world needs baby TimSully like Ghana needs clean water.

Shain Brown said...

Shew, I am tired and I only read what you have to do. Just remember there is an unlimited amount of excitement and surprises waiting around the corner for you and your family.

I wish you the best. Take care of yourself.

Magan said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. It's amazing to see how you've come full circle. Now just have your husband babysit the little one sometime and go take a bath while reading the latest issue of Entertainment Weekly (or maybe that's just what I do for fun?)

Linda G. said...

You haven't been missing anything of any importance compared to what you've been doing. Hang in there! :)

Sarah Pearson said...

I'm with Linda, what you're doing is the most important thing. Make sure you do the least amount of work you can. Housework can wait :)

Johanna Garth said...

I remember being right where you are right now. Take care of yourself and everything else can wait.

Lenny Lee* said...

hi miss candace! you didnt miss so much cause mostly every ones doing summer stuff. and for sure no ones gonna leave you for not posting so much. just take good care of you and my little brother. yikes! just only 11 more weeks maybe 10 cause i think hes coming on my birthday. :)
...big hugs from lenny

Kelly said...

Whoa. I'm so glad you are choosing to look at it as a full circle. You have a beautiful baby boy that is ready to meet you. But he's got to wait! Prayers that he hangs out in your belly for several weeks to come!

Heather said...

How frightening and surreal. Thank goodness everything is alright. I was worried by your absence a bit, I must admit. I'm so glad to hear that you're both doing good.

Me, I haven't been up to much. Just preparing for my debut next week. ;) (and pulling my hair out, fighting pre-launch nausea, not eating, not sleeping, you know, basic book-release stuff ;)

Kelley said...

We have missed you! I'm glad your not in pre-term labor. :) And it is nice that the circle is complete. I hope the next 11 weeks goes smoothly.

Talli Roland said...

I was just wondering where you were so decided to pop over, and there you were! (How's that for sentence repetition?) I'm sorry you're so tired -- I can only imagine -- but I'm happy you and baby are still well!

Creepy Query Girl said...

wow- I can see why you felt like you'd come full circle! Glad to hear you're not in preterm- that's no fun. I have no idea what you've missed because my three girls have been holding me hostage from the internet. (two our of three are out with viruses and it has NOT been a fun couple of days)

Dawn Ius said...

Really great post, hon. I'm sorry you're feeling like crap...but am really excited to hear about BabySully. Take care of you <3

Nicole Zoltack said...

The circle of life is a wonderful thing. I'm so glad things have come full circle for you!!!

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Natalie Aguirre said...

Take care of yourself. Hope you can get some rest. I can't wait for you to post baby pictures.

Carolyn V said...

Goosebumps! What a wonderful post Candace! Take care of yourself. I hope that baby is patient for a while. =)

Kelly Breakey said...

Your the one being missed, but you got a big job to do with growing that new life and this thing called blogging will still be here when you get back.

BTW: How was the baby shower? We want details.

Matthew MacNish said...

At least we're both not blogging together now. Sort of.