I'm totally still sporting maternity pants because THEY'RE SO
Something by Sarah McLachlan, I'm sure (oh, summer of 1998, you and Zach [you know who] kill me).
Don't even get me started on the higher half of my hot bod. I'm stuck wearing all the hubs's tees. Even offspring #1 is tired of seeing that big, black Chicago tourist tee with baby pieces all over it. No one tells you the horror you're left with AFTER a baby. Pregnancy is gross. Like "yeah I'm gassy, and my hands look like Walter Cronkite and I taste metal in my mouth for no reason..."
But the aftermath is worse.
What is this hanging from my stomach? Why do I have this weird rash? Am I dying (hair falling out)? Is it me, or is that coffee commercial the saddest thing you've ever seen? What day is it? Who's Matt Brady?
The good news is, I can see my toes again. The bad news is, they're sick. Not sick the way the hubs would use it (as in "that snowboard dude I'm totally friend-crushing on is so sick"), but sick as in they make me want to projectile vomit. It's funny how things that seem important, like taking care of one's self, don't matter at all when you've got someone in utero. Then this little person comes out and you're left with a messy, empty house the last tenant didn't take care of so you think about filing a lawsuit to pay for damages (tummy tuck, tap repair (i.e.boobies), wax stripping (what?), etc) but then you realize the former tenant can't pay and it'd come out of your wallet until he's [legally] able to pull from his strip club ones to help a sister (mother) out.
So, you forfeit, and throw on that black Chicago tee with your stretchy pants and grab another bowl of ice cream because this house needs condemned.
Dear Bert I'm so tired. And I've had too much coffee. Or not enough. And I wonder how many people it would take to link arms and reach all the way around the world. And how does Santa get to everyone's houses in just one night? Hrmmm...
Tell me friends, what's the singles most indulgent renovation you do to make yourself feel like a brand new house?
CandylandCandylandCandyland<---Say it three times and I'll appear in your bathroom behind you...probably cleaning it.