I forgot how hard it is. To put yourself out there. To write, what you think, is your best. To be rejected. I don't miss this. The last couple of days, I've had a rush of fear. What if I made the wrong choice, leaving my agent? What if she was the only ONE who will give me a chance? What if I just threw away my dream?
Now, I'm not sure. About anything.
I'm sure there's a few of you out there who went through something similar. If so, tell me, how did you get through this initial period of "OMG WHAT DID I DO?"
I'm not sure what today brings, or tomorrow. I know that I have stories to tell and characters who are very real to me. I know when I saw my baby boy in an ultrasound at 5 weeks (when they said he wouldn't survive), I held on to the hope he'd fight. And here I am at 17 weeks, and he's healthy.
I know I don't give up easily, though it's been a bumpy ride and I'm running out of amazing agents to query. I know if I don't write, I feel empty. I know this process shouldn't be easy, but maybe it shouldn't be so hard, either...
The only thing for sure is, I know not where I belong, where I fit, this morning. Do you ever feel this way or is it just me?