I've had a hard time accepting the turn of tide. This last decade was, by far, the best of my life, despite the ups and downs. It seems I spent ages 20 and 21 flailing through a soul-sucking relationship. We were too young. We were too stubborn. We were too [insert everything bad]. Around 22, we parted, as friends, and I focused more on my music (i.e., this is when the Bert incident was nearing).
This is when I found myself. This is also, the year someone important to me lost the cancer battle. This is also the year my heart was given and broken, given and broken and finally, taken by the one who I'll spend the rest of my life with. 2004 was a big year.
In the 8 years since, I've married my love, lost 2 babies, had 2 more, lost a best friend, found a long lost grandmother, moved about 7 times, became a writer, got an agent, lost and agent, had a band, lost a band and so much more. The last ten years have taught me how to be strong. How to fight. I want to welcome this day, my 30th birthday, with open arms. But something's holding me back.
Like, the past.
Some say never look back but I say, the past has made me who I am. And I'm grateful for every second of it. To say goodbye to the time I was given, that got me where I am, is bittersweet. I want to say I've got it all figured out. I'm going to sell a book this year. Buy a house. Be the best me I can be. But the future is a big unknown. And I think that's why I'm scared to embrace this day.
To those of you still searching, still looking for answers, still wondering how to leave your mark (so that people actually, you know, REMEMBER you), I'm right there with you.
Also, so is this guy.
CandylandForever29. OUT.
34 comments:
Happy Birthday CBGB. Personally, my 20s were a slow descent into the darkest depths of madness, and 30 was when things finally started to become okay again. I'm predicting a big year for you, and I don't mean your pant size.
Happy birthday! Enjoy the cake and may this be your best year yet!
Happy Birthday, Candy! Hope it's magical. xo
Happy Birthday! I am a decade older so I know all about those tide turnings, etc. I'm still looking for me, still growing and changing. We're always a work in progress and no one's timeline is the same. Have fun today.
Sorry I have not been around. Things got crazy then I would up in the hospital so I am playing catch up. :)
I hope this is the best birthday ever! The thirties are much better than the twenties. ;) Happy Birthday Candace.
I hope this new decade brings great things your way.
They say we are the sum total of our experiences. I say, cherish every one of those experiences. Good, bad and indifferent.
They say you only really learn from adversity. I say, yeah at least, that would be me. So, take that adversity and learn from it. Embrace it, then let it go far, far away.
I don't know who the hell they are, but I say enjoy every birthday. Celebrate them. Celebrate you. If that's hard, consider the alternative, consider those two beautiful babies, consider life.
Whoa, that was heavier than I intended and we hardly even know each other.
Happy Birthday!
Happy birthday, Candace! This is when it all starts getting good. Right? Right. Here's to your best decade yet! :-)
Happy Birthday! 30's are way better than your 20's.
This is when you discover you don't really care what people think and you're still hot enough to enjoy it.
Plus 30 is the new 20.
I am full of encouragement today.
"...but I say, the past has made me who I am." Very true. Happy birthday!
Hi Candace - Happy Birthday .... and I'm right here with you
Laura x
Happy birthday! I hope your 30s are even better than your 20s.
Enjoy the day, Candace! Go 30's!
Happy Birthday. Sadly with growing only we go through some really hard and challenging times as well as good one. I sure have. Enjoy your birthday.
30's are so way better than 20's. Happy Happy Birthday Candy.
Have a wonderful birthday! :) I've enjoyed my 30's way more than my 20's. You've got a lot of great times ahead of you.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I hope this year is magical for you. *hugs*
Happy Birthday :) And you HAVE made your mark Candy! Otherwise I'd never have found you :)
Eeee it's my 30th this year too, so weird - I swear I'm just 25 ;p
Happy birthday! Wishing you all the stuff good dreams are made of.
Happy birthday! I hope you have a wonderful and blessed decade. :-)
Holy ups and downs, Batgirl.
Good thing you're so hot. That must help. Oh and that you seem to have the capacity to bounce back and recognize the good and bad in your life.
This year will be awesome. (= And I am loving my 30s so much more than my 20s.
I hope you had a great birthday! I think as you get older and face the challenges, you learn the skills to deal with them. I'm kind of floating in a mire right now. I have a divorce impending, which means losing my five children (because I'm military and move around--I can't take them without uprooting them). If I'd had to go through this at a younger age, I don't know if I would've had the strength. Maybe that's the best thing about getting older.
Good for you, for holding the bad times as close to your heart as the good. In a life that demands we find balance in order to achieve clarity, being grateful for all our life experiences is a must. Happy birthday, and wishing you a year of happiness to kick of the next great decade of your life. <3
I'm not sure I can remember what being 30 was like.....what I can say is that apart from a few aches and extra kilos/pounds - nothing else feels that different. Life continues to be full of ups and downs - and we continue to learn from these experiences. I think you have an attitude towards life which will enable you to continue to be young at heart - the act of ageing can never take that away from you.
Happy belated Birthday. Your reflections were touching and made me take stock of my decades.
Happy belated bday! I hope you had a great time. :)
happy birthday---thanks for an honest post! you summed up life well--good tides--love and laughter and hope--followed by sadness, loss, grief, fear. It was't until my 40's that I finally felt like I was not being held back any longer...enjoy your 30
s.
hi miss candace! i hope you had the most happy birthday evah! :)
...big hugs from lenny
Late as usual, but belated happy birthday to you :-)
Happy birthday! You should read Vonnegut's book Breakfast of Champions. He wrote it to himself for his birthday.
Thirty was the toughest year for me. I turn 41 this year, in April. 40 was nothing. It was turning 30 that really slammed it home that I wasn't ~young~ anymore!
- Eric
Happy belated birthday, Candace! I actually have a few years before I hit 30 but already my 20s have kind of blown. Your future is still undiscovered. Go find it. We're right there with you.
Sorry I missed your birthday post. I know it is hard accepting that you are getting older. I never thought I would live past 30. I just couldn't imagine being that old. I turned 46 last December...I still have so much I want and need to do. My 30's were the very best years of my life, Candace. I know your's will be too. :)
Yo.
Where you been, chica? I hope you're having a cool vacation or something...
Tagged you in a meme on my blog. Check it out!
http://jostorm.blogspot.com/2012/03/lucky-sevens.html
Post a Comment