Today is my birthday. Hooray. Yes, that was sarcasm. Although, it's been awhile since I've dished. You're welcome.
I've had a hard time accepting the turn of tide. This last decade was, by far, the best of my life, despite the ups and downs. It seems I spent ages 20 and 21 flailing through a soul-sucking relationship. We were too young. We were too stubborn. We were too [insert everything bad]. Around 22, we parted, as friends, and I focused more on my music (i.e., this is when the Bert incident was nearing).
This is when I found myself. This is also, the year someone important to me lost the cancer battle. This is also the year my heart was given and broken, given and broken and finally, taken by the one who I'll spend the rest of my life with. 2004 was a big year.
In the 8 years since, I've married my love, lost 2 babies, had 2 more, lost a best friend, found a long lost grandmother, moved about 7 times, became a writer, got an agent, lost and agent, had a band, lost a band and so much more. The last ten years have taught me how to be strong. How to fight. I want to welcome this day, my 30th birthday, with open arms. But something's holding me back.
Like, the past.
Some say never look back but I say, the past has made me who I am. And I'm grateful for every second of it. To say goodbye to the time I was given, that got me where I am, is bittersweet. I want to say I've got it all figured out. I'm going to sell a book this year. Buy a house. Be the best me I can be. But the future is a big unknown. And I think that's why I'm scared to embrace this day.
To those of you still searching, still looking for answers, still wondering how to leave your mark (so that people actually, you know, REMEMBER you), I'm right there with you.
Also, so is this guy.