Monday, June 21, 2010

Feel Me Up Friday Awards on Monday: Getting Intellectual on Yo Ass

Today's guest post is from the insanely fabulous Katie (aka Creepy Query Girl), whose entry took home first place in the Imma Do Candyland Better than Candyland contest. You'll never know I'm gone by the genius in this post. Just read and see.

Yesterday I took the offspring to the dwelling place of old crap the art history museum. The advertisement bragged of guaranteed family fun. I admit, the offspring was intrigued by the life sized historical figures made of shining wax. But after watching Night at the Museum one too many times, there was absolutely no freakin way she’d believe they didn’t come to life. People gave us curious glances as she banged on the window in front of Atilla the Hun’s exhibit screaming “Mashu Mashu!!!”

The toe nail was about the size of the offspring’s head. She looked up at the pale gleaming stark naked lady with wide eyes. 

“Mama whats dat?” she asked.

Uh... A flying saucer.” Next

We went out to lunch at the posh museum restaurant (Subway), dined on delicacies (ham and cheese with mayo), and intellectually discussed the exhibits. 
Offspring: "That man looked like a pile a poo." (referring to the replica of Germain Pilon)

Friday snuck up on me like kung fu ninja with an eating disorder. Now it’s time to feel me up. Please be sure to wash your hands. Better yet, use sanitizer. Especially you, Creepy. I know what you’ve been up to.

Random Fact- I once dated a Turkish prince named ‘Hazan’ and spent six weeks vacationing on his family’s yacht in the Mediterranean.

Random Fact- When I was eighteen I shared a jail cell with Whitney Houston’s ex ‘Bobby Brown’. It’s a long story.

This concludes your Candyland action (for now *wink wink*) Here’s wishing all my blogging buddies a frickin awesome weekend. 
Candy out.

Okay, um, I think I might be out of an effing job if my peeps can do a better Candyland than Candyland herself, soooooo Imma take some time to get my junk together. Thank you Katie for entering! Tomorrow, the second place winner, Anne's entry! I hope your F Day was a good one. Until tomorrow.
(the only) 
Candyland. OUT.


salarsenッ said...

Creepy, sweets. A great replica. Love the photoshop and poo. Hah. Nicely done.

'K,'ll need to do this again sometime. Things have been crazy and I never found the time to partake. *weepy tear trickling down my cheek*

Dianne K. Salerni said...

Freakin' awesome!

*Rolling around on the couch laughing*

It's all perfect, but the best part is The Random Facts. I wouldn't bat an eyelash if they appeared on a real Feel Me Up Friday. Yup, that's Candy, I'd say.

Clearly, I've been missing out by not checking out Creepy Query Girl's blog -- a mistake I will rectify immediately!

JustineDell said...

Oh man...This. Is. Epic. I'll be laughing all the way til' Friday!


Natalie said...

That is hilarious Creepy. My mom is an artist so she used to drag us around to art museums all the time. I've seen a lot of naked people in my life...

Renae said...

This was too funny!

Dawn said...

Brilliant. Nicely done CQG!
You are still the one and only, Candy :-)

Creepy Query Girl said...

Your posts always crack me up Candy and I had a blast flipping through them when I was writing the above! I'm so glad you liked it and thanks for ROCKING (I know, 'YOU ROCK' sound's so much cooler than 'thanks for rocking'.- what are we, on a frickin boat? But I'm keeping it as is.)
I'm so glad I won and Elana's query critique was awesome!

Matthew Rush said...

Very nice work lady. Completely homogeneous. Props to Katie CQG!

And Candyland - just for being you.

Talli Roland said...

Loved this!

'a pile of poo'... he he!

Lenny said...

wow if i didnt know it wasnt you id think it was you. cool!
...hugs from lenny

Carolyn V. said...

LOL! Ahhh, Candy, I've missed you! I'm glad to be back to blogging.

Jen said...

Oh my gosh I knew you two were secretly my besties... had you not said a thing I wouldn't have know that CQG did it! Wow she is flippin awesome, maybe she'll replace us all!!

She is one awesome winner! Candyland you have the most rockin' contests, sorry I didn't have time to participate!

Mary McDonald said...

This post? Hilarious.

Anne said...

Bobby B!! Haha that was awesome!

Shannon O'Donnell said...

OMG! I am so blonde! I didn't figure this out for an embarrassingly long moment. I fell for it - hook, line, and sinker! All of it!

Creepy, you sound so much like Candy that it's...well, creepy! ha ha ha. :-)

The Alliterative Allomorph said...

hahaha That was priceless! good going Creepy!

prashant said...

Completely homogeneous
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Jaydee Morgan said...

Way to go Katie! This was great :)

Solvang Sherrie said...

Wow, Katie! I think you could qualify as Candy's clone! Very cool :)