This is what happens when there's two of us

Candyland has a sekkrit: Your questions have been fun to read and have given me posts for a total of 3 days. But to make it interesting, today AND tomorrow's answers also include the hubs's thoughts, too. Should this idea disappoint, bore or displease you, I will return to normal posting on Wednesday. Until then, suck it up!

C.E. asks: If you had a slug that granted wishes, what would you name it?
CL: I'd name him Chuck Norris, because only He could make such things happen.
EG: Obviously slimy.  Or maybe something Italian like Vinny. Vinny sounds slimy so it would work.

Jessica Bell asks: If your guitar was a prophet, and it told you that you had to become a rockstar first before you could become a published author, would you be willing to give up writing until 'the' time came to start again? Be on tour, lapping up the musical stardom? Or is writing now too much of your life to think about being on stage again?
CL: Depends on if I were on tour with New Medicine...
EG: Well, the hubs doesn't write so I would just be a rock star and it would kill. (He talks about himself in the 3rd person too...weird...)

Lenny Lee asks: if your ol granny farted way too much would you be really sweet not say anything and just get her some of those fartypants or would you just do your Candyland thing and tell granny she just plain stinks?
CL: I'd thoughtfully wrap up a pair of Fartypants because I inherited my sense of crude humor from my Gram
EG: If my granny was still here she would probably challenge me to a fart contest because she was the coolest grandma on the planet.

Talli asks: If it was a life and death situation and you *had* to choose one item you care about to drop in the toilet, what would it be?
CL: Eff...I'm afraid I'd sacrifice my phone again, because it's already been in there once...
EG: My wife...ahhhhh vomit again!  I mean could it be something big like a snowboard because only a little bit of it would actually be in the toilet.  But I guess I could do the phone because then I could finally get the iPhone I've been dreaming of.

Melissa asks: If you could be any mythological creature what would you be? How would you woo the love of your life (who is glaringly normal)?
CL: I would be a glittery, sparkly F@ck and I would do no wooing because my lover would already call me by name.
EG: A Centaur...no doubt.  And woo?  Please.  Have you seen a centaur?  The love of my life would just look at my studly ass and it would be over.

Jo Schaffer asks: If you could choose ONE celebrity to meet and make out with...who would you choose?
CL: This must be a trap...did the hubs put you up to this? If so, Matt Brady (the hubs actually gave me his PERMISSION...). If not, Matt Brady (because a girl can dream).
EG: Keira Knightley if she were a pirate, Natalie Portman in Star Wars or pro snowboarder Tara Dakides. Or obviously Taylor Lautner (if I liked boys) (and if he showed his abs).
CL:I think that's more than one, dear...
EG: I said you can have Brady. That means I get four.
CL: *Pauses for thought* *Deal.

Nicole Zoltack asks: How would you move Mount Fuji?
CL: By telling it a sad, sad story. Or by talking about letting it see me naked (it would move far, far away)
EG: Well everyone knows that Japan is an Island so we just have to get enough people together on one side of the island, get in the water, and start swimming while holding on to the shore. You know, like learning to swim when you were a kid.  Stuff that floats totally moves easier than you think...

DL Hammons asks: Your baby-sitting a long-time friends six year old child for the first time. You ask him to pick up some toys he left laying in the middle of the room...but he ignores you. You ask him again and he replies with, "Fuck You." What do you do?

CL: I'd say "Yes, that is my name. Now pick up your damn toys."
EG: Open a window and throw them out into the yard (the toys, not the kid).  Depending on if I felt like an f-bomb...which I probably would.

Dayana Stockdale asks: Do you ever wear pink?

CL: Only when Insane Clown Posse Faygo'd me. And when I dropped my glasses in the toilet. And when I danced on stage with Afroman. And when I got knocked up...(pink is not my luckiest color)

EG: Never ever ever ever ever.  No.  And if anyone ever gives you that "real men wear pink" crap punch them in the f-ing face.  That was something losers and clever salespeople came up with.  Never in the history of the world has a newborn baby boy been greeted with pink.  Never ever ever ever.

Ok, friends. I think you now know more shizz than you ever needed to. Oh except this:

Now it's my turn. You tell me: What would your magical slug's name be? And what the hell does it have to do with writing (seriously...tell me)? Or better yet, has anyone typed in these search words (seriously...tell me)?
Candyland. OUT.